Why Confessing Feelings Hypothetically Is One of the Best Ways to Confess

Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

Making a love confession can be hard, especially when you have no idea how the other person will react. I talk about why in this post. Because it can be so hard, people are always looking for ways to make it easier.

If you’re not up for a direct love confession—simply telling someone, “I like you” or “I love you”—I think a hypothetical love confession is the next best one.

What Is a Hypothetical Love Confession?

Anyone with feelings for someone else can make a hypothetical love confession. But this type of confession is best suited for when you either aren’t sure how strongly you feel for the person you like or you’re very unsure how they feel.

Instead of telling them how you feel directly, you talk about your feelings hypothetically. You can say something like, “Have you ever thought about what it would be like if we dated?” or “Have you ever thought about the possibility of us becoming a couple?” It’s the emotional equivalent of testing the waters before you dive in.

You can make this confession in person or you can use any medium your prefer—text, email, phone call, chat, etc. But when it comes to making love confessions, I think it’s best to choose your crush’s preferred medium. You don’t want to be waiting for a response to an email from someone who rarely checks their email.

Now that you know what a hypothetical love confession is, here are four reasons why I find this to be one of the best ways to confess your feelings for someone.

4 Reasons to Confess Your Feelings Hypothetically

1. You get an idea of how the other person feels without actually confessing how you feel.

   One reason love confessions are so hard is because they force people to be vulnerable. People don’t like being vulnerable. It makes them uncomfortable.
   
   Although I don’t think you should spend your life avoiding what makes you uncomfortable, I understand the desire to minimize discomfort when possible. If you confess hypothetically, this minimizes your vulnerability, and thus, discomfort.
   
   Because that’s the thing. This confession is hypothetical. You don’t actually say how you feel. And the other person doesn’t have to say how they feel. You just ask this person to ponder the possibility of you two becoming a couple.
   
   Of course, the person you’re confessing to will probably be able to guess whether you’re really just being hypothetical or whether there’s more to your inquiry than you’re letting on. This will be especially true of a good friend.
   
   But they probably won’t say anything about their theory. If they’re an honest person who cares about you, they’ll most likely just answer your question—hypothetically, of course. And if they don’t respond at all, at least you don’t have real feelings floating out there in space—just a hypothetical question.

2. It lessens the sting of (potential) rejection.

   If the person you confess to ends up reciprocating your feelings—hypothetically—odds are good you won’t have to worry about rejection. After you hear what they have to say, you can move beyond the realm of the hypothetical and confess to them for real. And then they’ll most likely confess their real feelings, which will probably be feelings of reciprocation.
   
   The only exception would be if someone really liked the idea of dating you, but then had reservations when it came to the reality of dating you. This would definitely cause you to be confused, and you would have to ask some non-hypothetical follow-up questions to find out what prompted this change of heart.
   
   But even in this case, you’d be experiencing a softer form of rejection. And, depending on the cause of this person’s change of heart, you may actually be able to shift their perspective, remove their reservations, and start dating them after all.
   
   If, however, they do end up rejecting you (so sorry!), at least they only did it hypothetically. The rejection will most likely still sting a little, but it’ll be much less than an outright rejection. That means it should be somewhat easier to move on afterward. And at least your real feelings are still locked safely inside.

3. The person you’re confessing to won’t feel put on the spot.

   If you confess to someone directly and they had no idea the confession was coming, they’ll probably be more than a little taken aback by your confession. And now that you’ve confessed real feelings to them, if they’re good-hearted and they care about you, they’ll feel the need to give you an honest response.
   
   The thing is, if they had never really thought of you that way, they’ll need time to process their feelings for you. Actually, even if they were aware of their feelings for you before you confessed, the shock they feel initially may make them forget momentarily. Either way, you may leave this person speechless and unable to respond to you for some time.
   
   If, however, you confess hypothetically, since you haven’t shared real feelings, the person you confessed to is free to just ponder the possibility of you two dating. And if they seem to like that possibility, then you can confess for real. And they’ll be much more prepared for this confession since they’ve already pondered it hypothetically.

4. This type of confession shouldn’t change your relationship too much.

   One of the big reasons people are reluctant to confess their feelings to someone is because they don’t want to change the nature of the relationship they have with this person. This is especially true if this person is a good friend or a best friend.
   
   If you confess to a friend and they don’t reciprocate your feelings, you’ll have to deal with the inevitable awkwardness that will follow your confession. You may even need to distance yourself from your friend for a time if that helps you move on.
   
   But if you confess your feelings hypothetically, your friend won’t really know the depth of your feelings for them. They’ll just consider the possibility of you two dating and share how they feel about that.
   
   As I mentioned in #1, if they’re a good friend or someone who knows you well, they’ll probably know there’s more behind your hypothetical question than idle curiosity. But they’ll still probably only respond to the question you asked.
   
   And if they say they don’t think going out would be best for you two, it shouldn’t be too hard to maintain your friendship as it was.
   
   There may still be some awkwardness, though. And, depending on the strength of your feelings, you may still need some distance. If your friend wonders why, you may then have to disclose your real feelings. This post offers advice on how to proceed in this case.
   
   But, again, since the hypothetical confession didn’t reveal real feelings that your friend then rejected, hopefully you won’t need to go to extreme lengths to move on. And hopefully you won’t need as much time to move on. In fact, you two might even be able to continue as if nothing happened.
   
   Of course, if your feelings are reciprocal and you two decide to start going out, that will also change the nature of your relationship. But ideally you’ll see this as a change for the better. After all, I imagine this was the outcome you were hoping for when you first thought about confessing.

Final Thoughts

There are multiple ways people can confess their feelings to each other, and each has its merits and limits. While I think confessing feelings hypothetically is one of the best ways to confess, like the other methods, this one also has its limits.

It’s possible that the person you confess to may reject the idea of you two dating. But this was all hypothetical. They didn’t actually tell you how they feel. It’s possible they were basing their answer off fear or logic—which, in my opinion, should never be consulted in matters of the heart. (Actually, fear should never be consulted ever. It should either be ignored or pushed through.)

So, if this person’s response didn’t help you sort through your own feelings or if you really want to know how they feel, you’re going to have to either confess directly or ask them directly.

Now it’s your turn. What’s one of your favorite methods for making a love confession?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: January 29, 2024