What Do You Do When You Regret Confessing Your Love for Someone?

Photo by Bence Balla-Schottner on Unsplash

In this post, I talk about why it’s so hard to make a love confession. But what happens when you find the courage to confess and then regret it? What do you do then?

Before we get into that, here are four possible reasons you might regret making this confession:

1. You think you ruined your friendship with this person.

2. You got rejected.

3. The outcome wasn’t what you wanted or expected.

4. You don’t know where to go from here.

If you’ve identified with one or more of these reasons, read on to find out what to do next. (If you don’t identify with any of them, let me know in the comments why you regret confessing and I’ll try to help you out there.)

Here’s what you should do if…

1. You think you ruined your friendship with this person.

   One thing that often keeps people from confessing their love for someone is the fear of ruining their friendship. They’re afraid that if they confess to feeling something deeper for a friend, they’ll never be able to go back to the simplicity of that friendship—especially if their friend doesn’t feel the same way.
   
   If you confessed your love to a friend and they told you they don’t have feelings for you, I understand why you would regret confessing. “Things were fine before,” you may think. “Great even. So, why did I have to open my big mouth and say anything? Now things are awkward and uncomfortable and I don’t know how we’re ever going to get back to a good place.”
   
   It’s hard when change like this happens. Knowing that change is a part of life doesn’t help much when you feel like this particular change was your fault and could have easily been avoided. But one thing you can ask yourself at a time like this is, what would have happened if you hadn’t confessed?
   
   Yes, you still would have had your comfortable friendship with this person. But in a sense, you also would have been living a lie.
   
   If you were good at hiding your emotions, your friend probably had no clue how you felt. And so they felt free to talk about anything with you—including their crushes and feelings for other people.
   
   If you weren’t already discussing those things together, it most likely would have happened eventually. And every time it did, you would have felt awful. Thus, while your friendship might have been comfortable, you wouldn’t have been.
   
   So, yes, things are going to be different now. You two will have to find a way to adjust to this change in your relationship. And if you’re not comfortable continuing to be just friends right now, you’ll probably have to get some distance from your friend for a while.
   
   If you used to talk or hang out a lot, I know that will be hard. But in time, you two can get to a good place again. Maybe you’ll even get to a place where you can be comfortable friends again, after you’ve moved on from your crush.
   
   But, whatever happens, at least now you don’t have to live a lie. Now you don’t have to wonder how your friend feels or what would have happened if you had confessed. I hope remembering those things helps to ease at least some of your regret.

2. You got rejected.

   One of the reasons this response to a love confession stings so much is because it was probably the one you were most dreading. Here you had worked up the nerve to confess how you felt, already afraid of being rejected. And what happened? You got rejected. It hurts, I know.
   
   Before you begin the moving on process, pause for a moment and forget about the rejection. Can you do that for me? Just cast it aside for a second. Instead of dwelling on that, take a moment to congratulate yourself on being willing to confess at all.
   
   Too many people go through life carrying unconfessed feelings in their heart. As a result of the bravery you just displayed, you can’t count yourself among that number. That’s definitely something worth celebrating or at least congratulating yourself on.
   
   Now, back to that regret you’re feeling. I know this is the absolute last thing you want to hear right now, but you need to hear it, so I’m going to say it anyway. Try your best not to take this rejection personally.
   
   I know that’s tough when your heart is on the line. After you’ve just offered your heart to someone and they rejected it, it feels like they rejected you as a person. That, in turn, can cause you to doubt or question your self-worth.
   
   If you can, try to remember that when someone rejects you this way, all they’re saying is they don’t see you as a romantic partner for them right now. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, even though it may feel that way. But somewhere out there is someone who’ll see you as the romantic partner they’ve been looking for. Don’t give up your search for love until you find them.
   
   In the meantime, don’t let this experience sour you on being brave. As you wait for love, use your bravery to do other courageous things—maybe even things you never thought you could do. And when the time comes to confess your love again, don’t hold back.

3. The outcome wasn’t what you wanted or expected.

   If the outcome of your confession wasn’t the one you wanted, my guess is that you either got rejected or the person you confessed to didn’t give you a clear response. Since we already talked about rejection in #2, let’s talk here about that non-response.
   
   I know from experience how painful it is when you find the courage to confess your feelings for someone, only for them to leave things open. It’s such an uncomfortable place because it leaves you wondering whether to hold on or let go.
   
   I’ve found that it’s best to try moving on when someone leaves things open. That, to me, says they’re either trying to take advantage of you or they’re just generally indecisive. You don’t want to be in a relationship with either of those kinds of people, so it’s best to walk away now.
   
   The only exception I would make would be if someone leaves things open because they need more time to process how they feel. If the reason you regret confessing your feelings is because you’re tired of waiting for this person’s response, my advice would be to be a little more patient.
   
   You can check in every now and then to see if they’ve come to a decision, but don’t rush them. You confessed honest feelings. Give them time to give you an honest response.
   
   But if they’re making you wait indefinitely, your best option is probably to move on.
   
   Now, if the outcome of your confession wasn’t what you expected, my guess is that reality didn’t live up to the fantasy you had in your mind.
   
   In your mind, you might have imagined confessing to this person and then beginning a beautiful relationship. But in reality, maybe after you confessed, you realized you didn’t have as strong feelings for this person as you thought. Or maybe, as you got to know them better, you realized they weren’t who you thought they were.
   
   This is one of the reasons it can be nice to go out with someone or get to know them better before you confess your feelings. But since you’ve already confessed, the best thing for you to do is be honest with yourself and the other person.
   
   If you feel things have changed, tell them. And tell them as soon as you know. That way, they aren’t operating for too long under the mistaken belief that you still feel the same way.

4. You don’t know where to go from here.

   Even if your crush does reciprocate your feelings, that doesn’t automatically mean you two know what to do now. Should you go on your first date? Should you just start hanging out more? Should you talk more? But wait, weren’t you already talking and hanging out before? How are things going to be different now? Where’s the guidebook on all this?
   
   If uncertainty is why you regret your confession, pause for a moment and ask yourself what you want. Do you want to go on formal dates or do you want to just get to know each other in a more casual setting?
   
   And don’t forget to include your new partner in these decisions. That’s one of the first guidelines in that guidebook you’re looking for—include your partner in your decisions, especially ones that affect both of you.
   
   At first, it might be challenging to figure out what you’re doing, and that’s ok. You don’t have to rush anything. Just take your time.
   
   Starting a relationship with someone is just like learning to do anything. Don’t expect to get everything right or perfect on your first try. Life wouldn’t be any fun if we were all born knowing how to do everything perfectly. Just enjoy the journey, with all the highs and lows, mistakes and successes along the way.

Final Thoughts

I don’t think you should ever regret doing something that took courage or that allowed you to stop asking questions about what might have been. Even if things didn’t turn out exactly as you thought they would or should, there’s always something to be learned from every experience, good or bad.

Since you can’t take back your love confession, at least try to find something you can learn from making it. Maybe you learned you had more courage than you thought you did. Maybe you learned to get to know someone better before you reveal how you feel. Maybe you learned there isn’t one right way to start a relationship. As long as you learned something, the experience wasn’t wasted.

Now it’s your turn. What do you think people should do if they regret confessing their love for someone?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: April 29, 2023