This Is One of the Best Ways to Make an INFJ Feel Better
Photo by Jacob Vizek on Unsplash
No two INFJs are the same. We’re all dealing with different issues at different times in our lives. Because we’re similar, we may respond to those issues in similar ways. But there are so many nuances that will determine exactly what we do, how we react, and how everything will affect us.
In spite of all this, there is one way to make any INFJ feel better: Listen to them mindfully and without judgment.
We INFJs are used to being the listeners. We’re used to being the counselors and the harmony-preservers. We’re used to being the friend you call who you know will always be there and drop everything and run if you need them to.
While we enjoy and thrive in these roles, this constant giving can become exhausting. This is why INFJs need to prioritize self-care, incorporating things like fun, rest, and recovery into our daily and weekly routine. We also need to set limits on how much we play counselor to those around us.
But we also need something else. We need to be able to talk to someone without the fear of judgment. And we need this person to be willing to listen to every word we say.
What Does It Mean to Listen Mindfully?
According to the Myers-Briggs system, INFJs are considered to be one of the rarest personality types. This means there aren’t many people on the planet who truly understand us. So, often when we talk to others, they either don’t understand us, misunderstand us, or judge us.
This is one reason we INFJs usually feel uncomfortable voicing our needs and opinions aloud or with just anyone. We’d prefer to keep things to ourselves rather than risk judgment or misunderstanding.
If you want to make an INFJ feel better, let go of all your preconceived notions, judgments, and personal preferences. Let it all go and just listen mindfully to everything your INFJ has to say.
It’s important that you listen mindfully because, if you’re not used to really hearing someone out, your mind will have a tendency to wander to other things while you’re supposed to be paying attention.
If you choose this method of listening, you’ll probably catch the gist of what your INFJ is saying, but you’ll miss some key details and unspoken cues. And it’s usually in those cues and details where their true concerns lie.
Not only that, but your INFJ will notice when your mind is wandering because they pay so much attention to things like body language. If they sense that they’re wasting your time or that you don’t really care about what they have to say, they’ll stop sharing. And that will undo your efforts to make them feel better.
Thus, whenever you feel your mind start to wander as they speak, pull it back to the present moment and remember that if you really love your INFJ, you’ll find every word they say precious. And not only will you take the time to listen mindfully—you’ll listen without judgment.
What Does It Mean to Listen Without Judgment?
Listening without judgment can be hard because our natural tendency is to approach everything from our perspective and to perceive anything new or different with at least a hint of fear or suspicion. But this won’t work if you’re trying to make an INFJ feel better.
Say, for instance, an INFJ was raised in a strict religious household, but now they’re starting to have questions about their faith. If they try to bring them up to a family member who is still firmly rooted in that religion and doesn’t believe there’s any other “right” way to be, they’ll have a hard time listening to this INFJ’s concerns.
The INFJ probably already knows this and, thus, prefers to keep their questions inside their head. This, of course, doesn’t stop the INFJ from listening when the members of their household have anything to share.
But, as you can see, this becomes a very unfair situation. The INFJ is taking on everyone else’s problems, but no one is there for them. This will undoubtedly cause an INFJ to become unhappy.
In this case, it’s nice for the INFJ to have a friend outside the family they can talk to. But if a family member who really cares about the INFJ has noticed they’ve been feeling down lately, the best thing for them to do would be to set aside their judgments and just hear the INFJ out.
This person should let their INFJ speak as freely as they desire and only make thoughtful comments to show they’re listening or to help the INFJ process their thoughts.
This person shouldn’t interrupt the INFJ while they speak, tell them anything they’ve said is wrong, or claim they understand while imposing their own beliefs on what the INFJ has said. They should just listen with an open mind and heart—in other words, without judgment. This simple act can work miracles.
Listening in Relationships
It should come as no surprise that listening is important in relationships with INFJs since listening is important in all healthy relationships. But the thing about INFJs is that, again, we’re used to not sharing how we truly feel for fear of judgment. We may also be afraid of bothering or inconveniencing someone else.
If we’re low on self-love or self-esteem, we may be especially inclined to avoid sharing how we really feel because we don’t want to lose the love or attention of the person we’re in a relationship with. And so, we keep our thoughts and feelings private.
But if this person is paying attention, they’ll notice an INFJ say what they feel without words. For example, if an INFJ is bothered by someone’s behavior but they don’t want to say anything, they’ll start to pull away.
They may want to hang out with this person less often. They may want to communicate less often—for instance, they may text this person less or stop texting altogether. And even when the two are together, the INFJ won’t be their normal, warm self anymore.
This person may not know what’s wrong or whether they contributed at all to what’s going on, but if they don’t take the time to listen to the INFJ’s concerns, they could be heading toward being on the receiving end of an INFJ door slam.
The thing is, oftentimes an INFJ will try to make their concerns clear. But the other person might not have really listened. That’s where listening mindfully and without judgment enters the picture.
If this person listens mindfully, they’ll be able to hear that when an INFJ says, “I really don’t like when you [INSERT BEHAVIOR],” what they’re really saying is, “Could you please stop.” And if the other person sees this as a reasonable request, they’ll take it as a cue to stop. Or else they can discuss with the INFJ how they can do better.
And if they listen without judgment, they won’t be offended or defensive when their INFJ brings up these concerns. They’ll just listen and then take time to process what they’ve said. And then the two of them can work out how to proceed. But that only works when all thoughts and feelings are out in the open, heard completely and without judgment.
If you don’t take the time to really listen to what your INFJ has to say, you can be sure they’re taking note of this and it’s not making them happy.
What to Take Away
We INFJs always have tons of stuff going on inside our minds. If you talk to one and promise to listen mindfully and without judgment, you’ll be amazed at what you hear.
You’ll be amazed at how much passion is inside that quiet person. You’ll be amazed at how many radical ideas they have. You’ll be amazed at the tremendous weight they carry as they play counselor to those around them. And you’ll also be amazed at how much better they feel afterwards.
When you really listen to an INFJ, you not only show them that you care but you show them they can count on you. You show them that what they think and feel matters to you. And you also offer them a huge relief from the tremendous load they carry. That’s enough to make anyone feel better.
I think every person on this planet desires for someone to really listen to them. But this is especially true for the enigmatic and often misunderstood INFJ. So, if you really want to make an INFJ feel better, listen to them mindfully and without judgment. And be prepared for some radical thinking.
~ Ashley C.
Last updated: January 29, 2024