What Do You Do When You Confess Your Love for Someone and They Don't Respond?

Photo by Kate Macate on Unsplash

If you’ve had the experience of confessing your love, only to be met with silence or ambiguity, you know how painful that can be. Both are considered a non-response in matters of the heart, when all you really want to know is how the other person feels.

After this happens, the first question you’ll probably ask yourself is, “Why didn’t they respond?” If so, you might find this post helpful since it addresses that question.

But if you’ve gotten past the “why” and now you just want to know what to do next, this is my best advice on how to recover.

4 Things You Can Do After an Unanswered Love Confession

1. Make Sure the Other Person Doesn’t Need More Time

   Sometimes a person may fail to respond to a love confession because they need more time to process how they feel. In this fast-moving world of ours, we’re finding it harder to wait for the things we really want. When what we really want is a response to our love confession, it can be hard to accept that someone else may need more time to respond honestly.
   
   Before you jump to conclusions, ask this person if they need more time to process their feelings. And if they say yes, then give them the time and space they need. Eventually, they’ll be able to tell you how they really feel. (If you’re confessing to someone of the INFJ personality type, they will definitely need this extra time if they don’t already know how they feel.)
   
   But if this waiting period is extending too long, you might want to ask them if they’re still processing and need more time or if they don’t ever plan on responding at all. This latter response might come from someone we would call “nice” in the sense that they do what they can to avoid conflict or hurting another person’s feelings.
   
   (For the record, it’s never nice to cause someone to suffer because you think you’re avoiding hurting their feelings.)
   
   I would say to give this person a few days or weeks to process. After that, if they haven’t told you anything, check in with them again. But it’s up to you to decide how long is too long to wait in your particular situation.

2. Cry

   If this person shows no inclination of ever giving you a real response to your confession, you’ll have to find a way to release your hurt feelings. This non-response goes in the rejection category of life experiences and rejection stings.
   
   Have a good cry or two or five when you realize you might never know how this person feels about you. Put on some sad music. Grab your favorite (low-calorie) dessert and watch whatever movie you’re in the mood for. Just have your mourning period.
   
   What you’re experiencing is unrequited love, and if you realize your love will most likely never be reciprocated, you’ll have to move on. Mourning is the first part of that process.

3. Spend As Little Time With This Person As Possible

   I hope it’s not a good friend of yours who has refused to respond to your heartfelt confession. I hope it’s someone you don’t have to interact with often or ever again if you choose not to. But, whatever your level of interaction with this person was before, you’re going to have to decrease it as much as you can.
   
   Seeing this person often and knowing they know how you feel but won’t share how they feel will torment you. You’ll always wonder what they’re really thinking and how they’re really feeling. There will always be a sense that your heart is up in the air while theirs is safely hidden away, which makes you vulnerable. If they’re an unscrupulous person, they may be able to use that against you.
   
   It will also be a lot harder for you to move on if you stay in constant contact with them because the romantic door of your relationship has been left open. That’s an extremely uncomfortable feeling, and the openness already makes it more challenging to move on than if they had told you they’d rather just be friends.
   
   Do yourself a favor and minimize your interactions with this person, both on and offline. Your heart will thank you for it.

4. Find a Way to Move On

   This ties into the previous point. Lessening the amount of time you spend with this person will help you find the strength to move on. But it’s not enough.
   
   You’ll also have to find a way to distract your mind so all your thoughts don’t turn to them, wondering why they didn’t respond and why aren’t you good enough and what can you do to make them answer—to make them like you?
   
   You will do yourself a major disservice if you let your mind have free rein to ruminate over what you might have done wrong and what you might try changing about yourself or the way you approach this person in the future.
   
   For the record, rejection—even silent rejection—doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. In this case, it means there’s something wrong with this other person. They’re either insecure or not mature enough to respond to real emotions with a real response.
   
   Don’t fault yourself for their weakness. Applaud yourself for finding the courage to share your feelings and see if you can find a new way to channel that courage.
   
   Maybe now you can write that book you’ve always wanted to write. Or start that business you’ve been fantasizing about. Or do something you’ve been dreaming about doing but have never had the courage to before. You’ve just proven to yourself that you have courage. Don’t waste it.
   
   If you’re afraid of moving on because the door is still open—which, to you, means there’s still hope—be mindful of this person’s behavior toward you. Look how they handled your most fragile emotions. Look what they did when you were at your most vulnerable. They said nothing. They didn’t respond. They left things open.
   
   If this is how they handle your emotions before you enter a romantic relationship with them, you’re much better off being just friends, neighbors, acquaintances, coworkers, or anything but lovers.
   
   And if this person does eventually wise up and answer you, you can reconsider your feelings for them then. But don’t sit around waiting for them to respond. You have a life to live. Live it.
   
   And if you need any suggestions on how to move on from unrequited love, you can check out this post.

Final Thoughts

I’m truly sorry if you’ve had to go through the pain of an unanswered or unacknowledged love confession. But don’t let this make you afraid of loving or revealing your feelings in the future. There are plenty of other people out there who will give you an honest response when you ask for it. Hopefully one of them will give you the response you’re most longing to hear.

And although I have strong feelings about how and when people of the INFJ personality type should reveal their feelings, even they should feel free to love fully when given the chance.

Now I turn it to you. What do you think people should do if their love confession receives no response?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: April 14, 2023