How Do You Tell an INFJ That You Like Them?

Photo by David O. Andersen on Unsplash

While every INFJ is different, there are certain common features we all would like to see in a confession of love made to us. Here are five tips on how to tell an INFJ how you feel.

5 Tips for Telling an INFJ That You Like Them

1. Make sure your INFJ feels comfortable.

   There’s a right and a wrong time to come clean with your feelings for an INFJ. If your INFJ had a long or stressful day, you might not want to share how you feel right after. They’re probably going to need time to decompress, and if they’re trying to process what you said at the same time, it may overwhelm them. This will make it that much harder for them to sort out their feelings for you.
   
   Similarly, this is not the kind of thing you want to say right after you’ve had a fight, even if you’ve made up. Those angry feelings and words—both spoken and unspoken—are going to be lingering in your INFJ’s emotional air for a while. Wait for the air to clear before you come clean.
   
   My idea of the ideal situation for revealing feelings to an INFJ would be to go for a walk in nature or on a drive down a picturesque road. After some stimulating conversation—or maybe no conversation at all—the other person would ease into their confession by commenting on how they enjoy spending time with this INFJ or something like that. And then they would come clean. They shouldn’t just blurt it out, especially after a peaceful walk or drive.
   
   Even so, at the end of the day, any confession is better than no confession. And I would rather someone blurt out honest feelings rather than trying to charm an INFJ with flattering but inauthentic words. I think most INFJs would agree.

2. Be honest.

   This isn’t the time to use flowery language, flashy gimmicks, flattery, or anything an INFJ could perceive as insincere. We’re already very sensitive creatures, and when it comes to love, our sensitivities are heightened. Don’t add to the weight of a moment like this by being anything but honest and authentic.
   
   If necessary, rehearse what you’re going to say before you say it. This will help you avoid voicing anything except what’s essential. But if you choose this route, make sure your words come out naturally. If you think this method may make you sound inauthentic, avoid it.
   
   Really, when the time comes, all you have to do is speak plainly and from your heart. And don’t mar your confession by saying anything that might cause your INFJ to doubt the sincerity of your feelings. A simple “I like you” or “I love you” will send our heart fluttering like you wouldn’t believe.

3. Say it in person.

   Please, please, please never tell an INFJ that you like them by text or on social media. Seriously, unless you have no other way to tell them and you desperately need to get this off your chest, don’t do that. (And if you only know them through texting or social media, are you sure you know them well enough to make this kind of confession?)
   
   Instead, tell them how you feel in person—away from other people and the hustle and bustle of the world. (I know the world isn’t currently hustling and bustling like it usually does, but still keep this in mind.)
   
   It’s best to be alone with your INFJ when you make this confession. This will help shorten the time they need to process what you said because they’ll be able to absorb your words easier.
   
   The quiet will also enable them to consult their own thoughts and feelings more readily. This will prove beneficial for you because it means they’ll be able to respond to your confession quicker.

4. If you can’t say it in person, say it in long-form writing.

   If you’re too far from your INFJ to tell them how you feel in person or if you don’t think you’ll be brave enough to say what you need to say in person, write them a letter or an email sharing how you feel.
   
   Again, don’t use any flowery language or fancy words. Poetry is wonderful for sustaining a romantic relationship, but not for making a confession like this. Just say how you feel as sincerely and clearly as you can.
   
   I, personally, prefer this approach. As a hopeless romantic, I would love to receive this kind of love letter. Even so, I would also admire the boldness of someone willing to confess their feelings for me in person.
   
   As for telling INFJs how you feel through a phone or video call, while there may be INFJs who wouldn’t mind these methods, I would advise against them.
   
   For revealing something this deep and personal, I think it’s best to be as direct as possible. In my opinion, there’s something inauthentic and disconnecting about calls, both phone and video. While I think they’re great options for keeping in touch and connecting virtually, for me, a call is not the right setting for a confession of love.
   
   Writing, on the other hand, is a method INFJs love to use for self-expression, so it would feel very natural for us to be told about deep feelings in writing. But since you know your INFJ better than I do, you can decide whether a call would be appropriate for what you have to share.

5. Give them time to process.

   If you tell an INFJ that you like them and they don’t already know how they feel about you, they will need time to process what you said. Even though we’re known for leading with our emotions, when it comes to understanding how others feel about us, that’s when we do serious ruminating and reflecting.
   
   Because we care deeply about other people’s feelings, we will eventually give you some kind of answer—hopefully the one you’re hoping for. But even a rejection or an admission that we need more time to reflect will be given as politely and graciously as we can manage.
   
   We know what it took for you to come clean, and we applaud you for finding the courage to do so. In return, we’ll try to be as merciful as possible with the feelings you have shared with us. But, whatever you do, don’t make us feel pressured to answer you right away.

Final Thoughts

I’ve just given you five pieces of advice for how to tell an INFJ how you feel. If you follow them, you’ll find the process of confessing to be much less nerve-wracking. And hopefully your INFJ’s response will be the one you most want to hear.

Now it’s your turn. How would you tell an INFJ that you like them? Or, if you’ve already told this to an INFJ, how did you do it?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: January 29, 2024