How Can an INFJ Tell a Friend That They Like Them?

Photo by Diana Schröder-Bode on Unsplash

Telling a friend you have feelings for them is possibly one of the hardest things there is to tell a friend. There’s always a fear that you’ll ruin the friendship if you come clean. For INFJs who tend not to have many close friends to begin with, the fear can be even greater.

But just think, if you don’t come clean, you may be missing out on a beautiful romance. So, if you’re an INFJ who needs some advice on how to tell a friend how you feel about them, these tips may help.

8 Tips for INFJs Confessing Their Love to a Friend

1. Congratulate yourself.

   Courage should always be celebrated. If you’ve managed to summon enough to tell a friend that you like them, take a moment to pat yourself on the back. Maybe even give yourself a treat as a reward. But then, of course, you actually have to tell them.

2. Make sure it’s safe to make this confession.

   In my post Should an INFJ Tell Their Crush How They Feel?, I talk about if and when an INFJ should come clean with their feelings for someone else. If the person you’re confessing to is a friend, more than likely you should be safe telling them how you feel.
   
   That doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll reciprocate, but if they’re a true friend, hopefully they won’t take advantage of the information you’ve just shared with them. And hopefully they’ll give you a response in a timely fashion—ideally the response you most wish to hear.

3. Tell them as soon as you’re ready.

   Once you’ve found the courage to come clean, don’t wait. The more time it takes you to share your feelings with your friend, the more likely you’ll lose your nerve. Don’t give yourself time to overthink what your friend might say.
   
   For us INFJs, it’s only too easy for us to imagine all sorts of worse-case scenarios and reasons why we shouldn’t do something before we’ve even attempted to do it. So, as soon as you feel ready to tell a friend that you like them, find the quickest way to do it and tell them.

4. Be hypothetical.

   You can start off by saying something like, “Hypothetically, what do you think it would be like if we dated?” or “Have you ever thought about the possibility of us being a couple?”
   
   This will give your friend space to consider your potential for a relationship before you tell them you’re serious about wanting to try. And it will make them more receptive to your confession, especially if they had no idea it was coming.
   
   It also gives you the opportunity to talk about this possibility together, rather than you trying to figure everything out on your own. Since two people would be involved in this relationship, they should both have a say in how it might work.

5. Talk about shared history.

   This is a perfect time for reminiscing. Talk about all the great times you’ve spent together, the times you’ve laughed and cried together, the times you’ve talked for hours or just sat around doing nothing all day.
   
   Use this shared history to lean into the topic of romantic relationships, talking about how solid relationships are built with these kinds of moments. And then make your confession soon after that.

6. Be honest.

   With our ever-racing, overthinking minds, it’s natural for INFJs to overthink even our feelings. Even if you know you’re good friends with someone, you might find that you’re not sure exactly how you feel about them romantically.
   
   But because you get along so well together, the thought has crossed your mind that maybe you should try going out. Tell your friend what you’ve been thinking and then see where they stand.
   
   Maybe they’ve been considering this, too, but they didn’t say anything because they were afraid to ruin the friendship. As I mention in tip #4, putting your thoughts out there allows you to consider this possibility together.

7. Tell them in writing if you can’t tell them in person.

   Since INFJs tend not to be fond of making calls in general, I wouldn’t advise an INFJ to reveal something this personal through a phone or video call. But we INFJs love expressing ourselves in writing. It gives us time to form our thoughts and more accurately and coherently express what we’re desperately trying to say.
   
   If you can make your confession in person, go ahead and do that. But if this idea makes you too nervous or if it’s not practical right now, use your eloquent prose to tell your friend how you feel.
   
   Just make sure your friend clearly understands who you’re referring to when you confess your feelings. Don’t make the same mistake Emma makes in my short story “Poetry Unit.”

8. Be prepared for possible responses.

   If this person is a good friend, I’m going to guess that you know whether they’re in a relationship with someone else. Then again, maybe you’re not sure. Either way, prepare yourself for what your friend might say, which will vary greatly depending on their relationship status.
   
   I go into possible responses more in this post, but essentially, your friend will reciprocate, not reciprocate, or ask for more time to think, either because they’ve never considered this before or because they’re already in a relationship and they’re not sure what to do.
   
   I hope this person isn’t the type to leave things open, though that is also a possibility. But what I really hope is that your confession allows a new love story to begin.

Final Thoughts

Love breathes life into the world. It makes everything that much sweeter. Why do you think it’s something everyone seems to be searching for?

If you’re an INFJ with a friend you’re interested in, don’t deprive the world of this possibility for love. And don’t waste time dating other people when your potential partner could be right in front of you. Just take a deep breath, use the method you’re most comfortable with, and tell them. And whatever happens, at least this is another “what if” you can cross off your list.

Now it’s your turn. How would you advise an INFJ to tell a friend that they like them? Or, if you’ve already made this confession to a friend, how did you do it? I would love to hear your stories.

~ Ashley C.

P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!

Last updated: July 1, 2024