What Responses Can an INFJ Expect after a Confession of Love?
Ok, you did it. Tired of settling for unconfessed love, you’ve found the courage to tell your crush how you feel. You’ve decided that, although this person hasn’t come clean with their feelings, it’s safe for you to come clean with yours. Now what will they say or do in response? And how should you react to these responses? Here’s my take.
6 Possible Responses to an INFJ Love Confession
Response: None.
You told the person you love that you love them, and they say nothing. They’re indifferent. Applaud yourself for finding the courage to share something so personal, then run. If this person doesn’t even care to acknowledge your heartfelt confession, they aren’t worth your time. It’s best to move on in a case like this.
Hopefully you’ve analyzed the situation well enough and know this person well enough that this will not be their response. But it is still possible, so brace yourself for it.
This is one form of what I call inconclusivity, which isn’t an actual word but one I find captures the tone of open responses like this well. Inconclusivity can be defined as, “leaving things open,” whether it’s done with no response or no clear response (see possible response #2). I talk about inconclusivity more in this post.
It is also possible, though, that the other person just needs time to analyze how they feel about you. Maybe they’ve never thought of you romantically before, but now they will. This person may eventually reciprocate your feelings, they just need time to get there.
The best thing for you to do in a case like this is give them space. Don’t lose heart just because the person doesn’t respond right away. In time, they may seek to have a relationship with you. Continue to nourish the friendship in the meantime, and don’t pressure them into making a decision before they’re ready.Response: No clear response.
This is the second form of inconclusivity on this list. It’s the kind of response you can expect from someone looking to take advantage of your generosity. That’s why it’s so important for INFJs to be cautious about if and when they reveal their feelings to their crush.
If the person you like won’t say clearly how they feel about you after you’ve told them how you feel, it’s best to move on. You don’t want to have someone in your life messing with your emotions just so they can get what they want from you. They may not even make it clear whether they’re already in a relationship to further take advantage of you. Run away from people like this.
This is also the kind of response you can expect from a “nice” person—someone who goes out of their way to avoid conflict.
They may think that by not responding directly, they’re sparing your feelings. But this kind of openness can hurt worse than a rejection because you’re left not knowing where you stand with them. And that not knowing can provide fodder for endless ruminating over how they really feel and what would cause them to leave the relationship open.
As an INFJ, you have plenty of other stuff you can ruminate over. You don’t need to add this to your mental plate. But it’s up to you whether you think it’s worth it to hold on in a situation like this. I would advise against it, though. You may be holding on indefinitely, all the while missing opportunities for real love.Response: They’re single and interested.
Congratulations! Your love is no longer unrequited. You’ve found someone to celebrate holidays with and go places with and enjoy life with. I applaud you for starting a new romantic relationship. Just don’t forget to put in the work required to make that relationship last.
Response: They’re single but not interested.
This person was kind enough to acknowledge your feelings, but they only see you as a friend. Respect that.
And if you’re comfortable being just friends with someone you like, I don’t see any harm in continuing the friendship—especially if you were good friends before revealing your feelings or if you think there’s a potential for romance in the future. I talk about this in my post “Is It Worth Holding Onto an Unrequited Crush?”
Just know, the tone of the relationship will be different now. I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to get back to where you were before your revelation, but maybe you can still get to a good place—a comfortable place.
In my experience, though, if you’re an INFJ, it’s not ideal for you to be just friends with someone you like because INFJ feelings are so strong. And if the person you like starts telling you about the people they like, things can get awkward fast.
So, again, if your emotions can handle it, there’s no harm in being just friends with your crush, but I would advise INFJs against it.Response: They’re not interested and in a relationship.
You may or may not have known that your crush was in a relationship before you confessed your feelings, but now all uncertainty is gone. They’re taken and not interested. Leave them alone.
Response: They’re interested but in a relationship.
If the person you like is in a relationship when you confess your feelings to them but they say they’re interested in being with you, I would advise you to keep your distance. This person may tell you they plan to break it off with their partner, but until they do, they’re still in a relationship with that person.
So, make sure to set clear boundaries about what is and isn’t acceptable for your relationship as they sort through what they want to do.
Final Thoughts
I consider these the possible responses an INFJ can expect after confessing their love to their crush. And I’ve given my opinion on the best course of action in each case. But, as you know, every INFJ is different and every situation is different. Since you’re the one who’ll have to live with the choices you make, you’re the only one who can decide what you do with your heart.
Now I turn it to you. If you’re an INFJ who has confessed your love to someone, how did they respond? And what did you do as a result?
~ Ashley C.
P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!
Last updated: July 1, 2024