Can Authenticity Help INFJs Find True Love?
Photo by Sabrina May on Unsplash
If you’re an INFJ who has struggled to find love, you may have had a lot of experience with the unrequited kind. Though there may be many reasons for this, a big one might be inauthenticity.
My Experience with Inauthenticity
On this site, I describe how I’ve been on both a journey of self-discovery and a journey of rediscovery. This is because, as is common for many INFJs, I spent a long time suppressing my true self to fulfill the expectations of those around me. It wasn’t until I realized this and realized just how inauthentic I was being that I began to re-evaluate my beliefs and re-establish who I really am.
One thing I learned about myself is that I am not religiously conservative. But I used to be and I used to be drawn to boys who were. I’ve discovered that the reason for this is because spirituality is very important to me. But I was being inauthentically spiritual in the past and was, therefore, drawn to others for inauthentic reasons.
A Realization
I now realize what a nightmare it would have been if I had married or even dated one of those guys I felt so drawn to. The way I see it, one of two things would have happened.
I would have eventually realized I wasn’t being true to myself and would have had to end the relationship—which would have resulted in a painful, messy breakup, I’m sure. I don’t think my partner would have taken it well, me questioning some of his deeply held beliefs—beliefs he thought we shared.
I would have stayed in the relationship, miserable and uncomfortable because, on some level, I would have known I wasn’t being true to myself. But I would have continued the charade out of deep love for my partner.
I see now that God didn’t want either of those outcomes for me, and I’m grateful for that. Somehow, the boys I loved must have perceived my inauthenticity, even if only unconsciously. All I know is, the guys I loved never sincerely reciprocated my feelings, and now I understand that I wouldn’t have wanted them to.
Though I haven’t yet found a partner, I’m in a much better place than I was before. Now, I feel like I’m more likely to be drawn to someone for authentic reasons rather than inauthentic ones. And I believe authenticity is essential for finding and sustaining true love.
Examining Your Own Authenticity
If you find that your love often goes unrequited, it may be time to do some soul-searching. Ask yourself questions like, have you been authentic with yourself? Have you been drawn to people for reasons that are authentic to you? Do the people you like share your values? Do you tend to fall in love with real people or the idea of them?
If you take time to step back, learn who you really are, and make sure you’re being authentic the next time you open your heart to someone, you may be pleasantly surprised by the results. Remember, authenticity is something we INFJs crave, so it should definitely have an active role in our love lives.
Also, don’t think you have to enter a relationship just because everyone around you is coupling or because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do at your age or because you think this is what your family or friends or society expects of you. You can live a fulfilling life on your own until you find a partner who complements you, cherishes you, and is worthy of you. Don’t settle for anything less.
Now it’s your turn. Do you think authenticity could help INFJs find true love? Or are you an INFJ who has found true love by being authentic? I would love to hear your story.
~ Ashley C.
P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!
Last updated: July 1, 2024