Do INFJs Know When Someone Likes Them?

Photo by Larisa Birta on Unsplash

Based on my research and my own experiences as an INFJ, I can give the following answer to this question:

Yes, we INFJs usually know when someone likes us. But we’re often in denial about it.

INFJs tend to be really good at reading people and their emotions. This means we’re usually very aware when someone likes someone else. But when it comes to people liking us, though we may be aware, we may push down that awareness.

Why INFJs May Be in Denial

This often happens when INFJs have low self-esteem. In that state, we may find it confusing that anyone is showing any interest in us at all. It’s like, we look at all our flaws and odd qualities and wonder what anyone sees in us worth loving that way.

This can be especially true if we like this other person. Then it can become really difficult for us to accept that someone is returning our feelings.

One key piece of advice I would give to anyone who wants to confess their love to an INFJ is to be sincere. Don’t give your INFJ any more reason to doubt your feelings. Trust me, they can already find plenty of reason to do so on their own.

When It’s Someone We Don’t Like That Way

What’s funny is, if an INFJ doesn’t like someone romantically, they don’t tend to be in as strong denial about that. In fact, they may go to great lengths to show this person that they have no feelings for them.

I can share an example from my own life. Many years ago, someone I thought liked me asked me to go for a walk with him. That left me feeling somewhat panicky because I didn’t see him as anything more than a friend. At the same time, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by denying his request. In the end, I agreed to go, but I took two steps to make sure there was no doubt about my feelings.

First, I dressed way down for this walk. I believe I wore sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt. Second, I took my phone with me and, yes, asked a friend of mine to call or text me after a certain time as an excuse to leave.

It turned out that it started to rain before we had walked very far. Since I had a perm at the time (or relaxer, if that’s clearer to you) and perms don’t do well with water, I bolted away from this person as soon as I felt a few drops fall. It was definitely not one of my finest moments, but it was what I felt I had to do at the time.

INFJs are constantly tuned into other people’s emotions. We know how fragile they can be. So, whenever we can, we try not to hurt others by doing things like leading them on when we know they like us and we don’t like them back.

Why INFJs May Be Unaware

Some INFJs, though, claim that they’re usually clueless about when someone else likes them. My theory is that they’re so disconnected from their intuition, they’re actually overriding its signals.

Their intuition may be telling them that this person likes them, but they’ve gotten so used to ignoring that voice, they don’t listen. In this case, though, they may even have trouble detecting when someone has a crush on someone else.

I remember this happening to me in high school. A classmate had a crush on one of my friends, but we were both in the dark about it until he made his feelings clearer. I was not in the habit of consulting or even listening to my intuition in those days, so it’s understandable why this happened.

If an INFJ only has trouble interpreting emotions directed toward them but they feel connected to their intuition in other aspects of life, a different issue is in play. I call it extreme humility. They don’t want to flatter themselves by thinking someone could be interested in them, especially since it is possible to misinterpret kindness for flirting.

But sometimes this fear of stoking our ego leads us to ignore signals that someone is genuinely interested. If we miss those signals, it’s possible we may miss out on true love.

What This Means for INFJs

INFJs who have trouble knowing or accepting when someone likes them would benefit from building up their self-esteem and reconnecting to their intuition. They need to understand that they are worthy of love and need not be afraid of embracing it when it comes.

INFJs with moderate to strong self-esteem and some connection to their intuition may actually find it sad to know when people like other people. This is because they become aware when no one is interested in them romantically.

It’s not uncommon for INFJs to take a while to find a suitable partner. I would advise INFJs who crave love not to give up until they find someone who is worthy of their love and who can handle it. Though they may be hard to find, those people are out there. Don’t give up.

Now it’s your turn. Do you think INFJs know when someone likes them?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: June 23, 2022