Why Is It So Hard To Respond To a Love Confession?

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

We live in a world of façades and illusions. We do, say, and post things that will get us more likes, follows, and views. Sometimes we manage to say what we think, but more often we say what we think others want to hear.

We find that this validates our existence. We’re obsessed with our image, not the character or the state of the person behind it.

So, what does this have to do with love confessions? A lot.

A Love Confession Forces You To See Yourself as a Whole Person

You see, we’re used to seeking answers and validation externally. Likes equal love, so to speak. And the more you feel loved, the more you feel you have value.

This validation, however, is usually superficial and shallow. But when someone gets deep and real enough to tell you, “I like you” or “I love you,” suddenly you don’t know how to react.

They’re not saying, “I like your post” or “I like your video.” That you could respond to easily. Instead, they’re saying they like you. As a whole person. And you don’t know what to say.

Facebook can’t help you here. Or Instagram. Or Twitter. The answer you’re searching for isn’t there. It’s inside you. You won’t find it on social media, no matter how many followers you have.

So, when you’re forced to respond to this type of confession, you freeze. Now you have to look inside for this answer, and that’s not something you’re used to doing. You have to stop focusing on your image and instead focus on yourself as a whole person. That can be terrifying.

What kind of response is this person hoping for? You can’t just tell them what they want to hear. If you do and what you say isn’t aligned with how you feel, it’ll just cause heartache for both of you.

At the same time, you don’t want to hurt this person’s feelings. But then, not being honest is the surest way to guarantee you will hurt them, if not now then later—when they discover the truth. Because you won’t be able to mask your true feelings for long.

Consulting Your Feelings Before You Respond

In this post, I give advice to people of the INFJ personality type on how to respond to a love confession because I know how hard it can be. But you have to realize that one reason it might be hard is because you’re not used to consulting your feelings.

You have to be alone, away from distractions and the never-ending stream of news and updates before you can really hear what your feelings are telling you. Activities like going for a walk or journaling can help you with this, but only if you allow yourself to detach from the world while you do them.

Once you have consulted your feelings and you know what they’re telling you, you may still have trouble putting them into words. It’s fine if you want to look outside for advice on how to do this. But none of it will help if you don’t actually know how you feel.

How Fear Makes It Hard To Respond

It’s also possible that you find it challenging to respond because you’re scared. And that’s perfectly fine. This is a scary thing. Someone has just shown you what you should have known all along—that you’re worthy of more than just likes and follows. You’re worthy of love—real love. And now you have to answer them.

(Just to be clear, you are worthy of love because you exist. You don’t need anyone else to validate this for you. But it’s nice when it happens.)

Fear can make it hard to tell someone how you feel whether or not you know right away. Once you know, you may be afraid your words won’t come out the way you want them to, so you overthink things. And while you’re stuck in your head overthinking, you’re not speaking.

The more time you spend in your head, the more likely your words will come out wrong when you do finally speak—especially since your feelings aren’t in your head, they’re in your heart. So, why you’re consulting your head in this matter is beyond me.

And if you think what you have to say won’t please the other person, it can be even scarier to tell them the truth.

Still, it’s best to tell them as soon as you know so they can begin whatever process will be necessary for them to move forward. The longer you take to come clean, the more pain they’ll have to endure. By telling them early, you’re actually performing the kinder and more merciful act.

What To Take Away

If you’re finding it hard to respond to a love confession, remember this. When someone confesses their love for you, don’t just tell them what they want to hear. Take time to evaluate how you feel about them. You don’t need to consult anyone else when you do this.

In fact, if you don’t already know how you feel, you should distance yourself from social media and other people so you can hear your intuition speak. And then, when you know how you feel, respond in the kindest way you can manage. That’s all it takes.

After all, if they had the courage to make a real confession to you, they deserve a real response. And you don’t have to tweet your response. Just tell them.

Now it’s your turn. Why do you think it’s so hard to respond to a love confession?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: June 23, 2022