How Should an INFJ Respond to a Confession of Love?

Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

If, like me, you’re an INFJ who’s used to making confessions of love, it can be hard to know how to respond to one. It can also be hard if you’re not used to making or receiving such confessions.

In any event, if you find yourself fortunate enough to have someone confess their love to you, the following five tips offer some guidance on how to answer (before or after you do your happy dance—you choose).

5 Tips to Help INFJs Respond to a Love Confession

1. Graciously acknowledge their confession.

   INFJs, you’re known to be marvelous empathizers. This person has just poured their heart out to you. Don’t do them the disservice of forgetting to acknowledge what it took for them to do this. Tell them thank you for their heartfelt confession before you respond.
   
   I know I probably don’t need to remind you of this, but I’m doing it anyway. In the moment, you may forget your compassionate, empathetic ways as you try to process what this person just said. Try to hold it together enough to thank them even in your shock.
   
   I will say, though, that I think it’s reasonable to skip this step if you already know you like them back. Then you can move on to #2.

2. Tell them how you feel right away if you already know.

   If you already know you like this person, tell them right away. Taking a second to acknowledge their confession will just prolong the time they have to wait to know their love is returned. Unless you have a good reason for prolonging this wait time, don’t do it.
   
   But if you know you don’t feel the same way about them, don’t skip #1. The least you can do before breaking this person’s heart—that’s what you’re going to do, so I’m not going to sugarcoat it—is tell them thank you for their willingness to confess.
   
   Because you feel others’ emotions so deeply, you might actually feel more pain rejecting this person than they feel being rejected—although, to be sure, this will be painful for them. (Actually, people in general can feel pain rejecting someone who has confessed their love for them. But INFJs can take this empathy to a different level.)
   
   I’ll talk in more depth in a later post about how INFJs can handle having to reject someone this way. But, for now, let me just say this. It’s never easy to tell someone who has just told you they like you that you don’t like them back.
   
   The best thing you can do is be honest with them about how you feel (more on that in #5). Then, if you can, try to limit the amount of time you spend with this person. Be as clear with your actions as you are with your words. And do whatever you can to help this person move on from you.

3. If you like them back, explain to them how INFJs love and ask if they’re ready for love of that intensity.

   After you tell this person that you like them, take a moment to explain what they’re about to enter into. Make sure they understand that you’re looking for a long-term, committed relationship (as most INFJs are).
   
   Make sure they know that, as your relationship progresses, you may find yourself more inclined to neglect your own needs and desires to fulfill theirs. Encourage them to check in from time to time to ensure you’re taking care of yourself, too.
   
   And make sure they know not to enter this relationship lightly because it will be extremely hard for you to get over them if they commit and then leave. Just spell it all out from the beginning so your partner isn’t surprised by the intensity of your love. (Well, they may still be surprised, but it will be less than if they had never been prepared.)

4. If you need more time to process their confession, tell them that.

   It’s very possible that you don’t know how you feel about this person when they confess their love for you. Maybe you don’t know them that well or maybe you’ve never thought of them that way before. If for any reason you aren’t sure of your feelings, make sure you tell them—after thanking them for their confession, of course.
   
   But, seriously, if they really care about you, they won’t mind waiting for you to figure things out. Just don’t make them wait too long. It’s not good or fair to leave feelings like this floating out there in space with no hope of a response. While it may be crushing for this person if your answer turns out to be a rejection, that will still hurt them less than never responding to their confession at all.

5. Since they were honest with you, don’t be afraid to be honest with them.

   If you like this person back, tell them. If you don’t, tell them you don’t. If you need more time to think or get to know them better, then tell them that. But don’t leave things open just because you like the feeling of being loved by someone.
   
   I know it’s not in your nature to torment someone that way, but it can be tempting—especially if no one has ever told you they loved you before.
   
   Don’t give them hope when you sincerely don’t feel you two have a future together. And say what you want to say as clearly and simply as you can. Emotions can be confusing and complicated enough. Don’t make things worse by being vague or ambiguous.

If you’re an INFJ who has the pleasure of responding to someone’s confession of love, I hope these tips help. But, ultimately, when the time comes, listen to your intuition and do what feels right in the moment.

Now it’s your turn. How do you think INFJs should respond to a confession of love?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: October 7, 2022