Why Would Someone Fail to Respond to a Love Confession?

Photo by Angèle Kamp on Unsplash

In this post, I talk about why someone would fail to respond to a texted love confession. Except for the part about the other person not seeing your confession, all the other possible reasons apply to all confessions.

Here, I’m going to focus on one of those reasons. Based on what I’ve seen, this is the number one reason people fail to respond to love confessions: They don’t know what to say.

Why Not Knowing What to Say Stops People from Responding

If someone already knows how they feel about you when you confess and their feelings are reciprocal, most likely they’ll respond right away. They’ll probably be overjoyed by your confession, relieved that they don’t have to confess first, and elated to tell you they feel the same way.

So, first and foremost, know that if someone isn’t responding to your confession, it’s because they either don’t know how they feel or don’t feel the same way. This means they’re either struggling to find the words to express feelings they’re not even sure of or they’re struggling to find the words to let you down as gently as they can.

I think you can understand how hard it is to find the words for either.

When Someone Doesn’t Know How They Feel

It’s impossible for someone to truthfully respond to a love confession if they don’t know how they feel. But the thing is, people generally aren’t used to consulting their feelings.

This is why they can continue working at the same job for years even if it makes them miserable. It’s also why they can continue living a life that doesn’t suit them instead of taking the time to ask themselves what they really want.

Since they’re not stopping to evaluate how they feel, they can continue in whatever state they find themselves in without feeling any strong impulse to change. Only occasionally will someone let a circumstance prompt them to take action.

Your love confession is forcing someone to do what they’re probably not used to doing—consulting their feelings. This is something that can’t be done in front of a computer or phone screen, while watching TV, or while looking through social media. For them to consult their feelings, they need to get away from all distractions and really ask themselves how they feel.

This can make someone uncomfortable if they’re not used to doing it. But if this person really cares about you, they’ll take the time necessary to evaluate how they feel. And once they know, hopefully then they can find the words to express those feelings.

When Someone Knows They Don’t Feel the Same Way

Now, if someone doesn’t feel the same way about you, they may be afraid to respond because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. They may be trying to find the words that won’t cause you any pain. Realizing that there is no such set of pain-free words, they may opt not to respond at all or to say something vague.

Theoretically, this is a thoughtful reaction. It means they’re considering your feelings before responding. Unfortunately, the reality is that not responding actually hurts worse than telling the truth, even if the truth is a rejection. I found that out the hard way—it’s more painful when your crush leaves things open.

They may think they’re doing you a service by not saying anything. But really, they’re just prolonging your torment. They leave you forever wondering, “How do they really feel? Should I hold on? Should I move on? Do they just need more time?” The questions can go on and on when a romantic door is left open.

If this person really cared about you, you think, they would find some words—any words—to tell you how they feel. When seen in this light, not responding for this reason isn’t any better than not responding because the person didn’t care enough to respond. The motive for not responding doesn’t matter so much as the effect.

What to Take Away

People have trouble finding the words to express how they feel all the time. Often, they prefer to let their actions speak for them. And it’s true that words are empty when not accompanied by actions. But when you’ve just found the courage to tell someone you like them, the only action you care about is the one that prompts them to give you a clear response.

I’m sure you’re not asking for anything fancy. A simple “I like you, too” or “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way” would suffice. Of course, I know you’re most hoping for a response that indicates reciprocation. But even something that showed you this person cared enough to be honest with you would be better than no response at all. Unfortunately, not everyone is this considerate.

If you’ve had any hint that this is the case about the person you told, you’ll probably want to try moving on even without knowing how they feel. This person has just shown that they can’t be trusted with one of the most fragile parts of you—your heart. This isn’t someone you’d want to be in a relationship with anyway.

But if you feel they just need more time to process their feelings, give them that time and wait to see what they say after.

And now it’s your turn. Why do you think some people fail to respond to a love confession?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: June 23, 2022