How to Stop a Crush from Being Your Only Source of Happiness

Photo by Irene Kredenets on Unsplash

Whenever we have a crush on someone, that person becomes a source of happiness in our life (ideally). And there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with looking forward to seeing your crush’s face or hearing their voice. There’s nothing wrong with brightening up after you’ve interacted with them.

But sometimes we lose ourselves in our crushes so much that they become our only source of joy. And when this love is unrequited, that can mean our one source of joy is also a huge source of pain.

I’m not passing judgment on anyone who has ever found their crush to be their only source of happiness or joy. I’ve definitely been there. But I will say that it’s not the healthiest way to live. Instead, here are some strategies you can use to keep your crush from being your only joy.

7 Ways to Keep Your Crush from Being Your Only Source of Happiness

1. Learn to love yourself.

   This can be hard when you don’t even know where to start. After all, what does it mean to love yourself anyway? To me, loving yourself means being kind to yourself. It means recognizing that you matter—that you have value, just the way you are. It means taking the time to celebrate you and your victories, both big and small.
   
   If you’re a bubble bath person, enjoy a nice bubble bath whenever you feel like it. Treat yourself to your favorite dessert or a nice meal whenever you want to. And if you prefer to stay in and enjoy a good book and a nice cup of tea, go ahead and do that.
   
   If treating yourself this way seems foreign to you, one thing that can help you learn to love yourself is making a list of the things you love about yourself. This can help you cultivate feelings of your own sense of worth by reminding you of your lovable qualities.
   
   And if you’re having trouble making this list, ask people who care about you what they love about you, and start making your list with what they tell you.
   
   Once in a while, instead of focusing on your crush, look back at that list. You probably don’t need to remind yourself of what you love about your crush. But you might find it helpful to remind yourself what you love about you.

2. Do what you love.

   Even if your crush is one of your sources of joy, try not to let your feelings for them make you forget about what you already enjoy doing. Maybe you enjoy writing or painting or music or snowboarding. You can have a crush on someone and still enjoy doing these things that you love.
   
   In #1 I also mentioned bubble baths, reading, dessert, and tea. These are just some of the kinds of things you might enjoy doing but neglect to do far too often. In the name of being productive or as a result of comparing your progress and accomplishments to someone else’s, you may not feel worthy of just taking time for yourself to enjoy what you love.
   
   But you are worthy. And your worth is not tied to your productivity or list of accomplishments. Making a list of your accomplishments can help you remind yourself of your worth, but only if you don’t compare your list to anyone else’s and only if you remind yourself that the common denominator in all those accomplishments is you. And you should take the time to celebrate those accomplishments, even if only in small ways.

3. Find other sources of happiness.

   If, by chance, you’re having trouble figuring out what it is that makes you happy, now would be a great time to find out. Trying new things is a wonderful way to keep your mind off your crush, which in turn can help keep them from being or becoming your only source of joy.
   
   You can learn a new language or develop a new skill or learn more about a subject you’ve only been curious about up till now. YouTube is a great place to start when you’re interested in learning something new, along with books and blogs. But if you prefer a more structured format, you might consider taking a class.
   
   For online classes, websites like Udemy are a great resource. And a lot of YouTube creators also offer online courses that go into certain topics in more depth. (Also, you can check with your local library to see if you can get free access to Udemy courses through them.) For in-person classes, you can look into community colleges or just do a Google search.
   
   In addition to trying new things, you can also add to or develop the skills you already have. If you’re already a chef, try learning a new type of cuisine. If you’re already a novelist, try writing a short story. The idea is to stay busy and maybe even develop some new interests that will become other sources of joy for you, outside of your crush.
   
   (And if you’re seeking reciprocation, your crush will probably be more interested in someone with multiple interests anyway.)

4. Make sure you’re meeting your own needs.

   Self-care is essential to living a well-balanced life, and it’s important to make sure your own needs are a priority. Often, when we have a crush on someone, that person can become a priority for us—possibly even our number one priority.
   
   So if, for instance, your crush is someone you text with often, you’re always willing to text with them even when you should be studying or resting or exercising or going to sleep. If you want to let them distract you from important things once in a while, that might be ok. But don’t let being there for your crush keep you from doing what you need to do to stay healthy and accomplish your own goals.
   
   Remember, you’re not responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own. And try not to lose sight of your own goals in your efforts to help someone else pursue theirs.

5. Try not to tie your worth to your crush.

   Sometimes when we feel lacking in self-esteem or when our sense of self-worth is low, we may tie our sense of worth to someone or something else. Some people may use their career to do this or their salary or their social media following. In this case, the tendency is to let our crush give us a sense of worth. It’s as if we don’t have any value without our love for them.
   
   While I do think loving someone is a very valuable and potentially empowering feeling, if we tie our entire sense of worth to our crush, what happens if they don’t reciprocate our feelings? Our hope is always that they do, but if they don’t, what happens to our sense of worth then?
   
   Doing the other items on this list can help keep you from tying your worth to your crush, especially tip #1 about loving yourself. But it really comes down to you understanding that you have value as you are. You are valuable because you exist. Loving this person may add joy to your life, but your worth isn’t in them—it’s in you.

6. Practice mindfulness.

   Mindfulness is essentially the practice of being fully present. It means that instead of letting your mind wander all over the place—like, to thoughts of your crush, for instance—you’re focused on the here and now. You’re aware of what’s in front of you and around you and what you’re actually experiencing in the present moment.
   
   Mindfulness can help bring you out of the fantasy world where you and your crush live and remind you to fully experience this moment. Instead of letting your mind wander where it will, have it focus on what you’re hearing right now or tasting or smelling or seeing. Focusing on your breathing can help you stay in the present, too.
   
   Now, by all means, have fun in your fantasy world with your crush from time to time. But if you stay there too long, you’ll continue to feed this “my crush is my only source of joy” mindset. So, it’s a good idea to practice mindfulness to make sure you’re not missing the joys and pleasures that are already right in front of you.

7. Tell your crush how you feel if you can.

   Confessing to your crush is a great way to move on from a crush into either a relationship with them or moving on from them romantically. If your crush is your only source of joy, you may actually be reluctant to tell them how you feel because you’re afraid of what their response will be.
   
   You’re afraid that if they tell you they don’t feel the same way, you’ll have to let go of all the wonderful fantasies you have of the two of you together. You’re afraid your loving feelings for them will end. In essence, you’re afraid you’ll lose your only source of happiness.
   
   This is one of the many reasons you don’t want your crush to be your only source of happiness. Imagine that they do feel the same way about you, but because you’re so afraid of losing them as a crush, you don’t say anything and neither do they. Now we have two people who love each other not telling each other how they feel.
   
   If someone doesn’t say something, it’s possible you’ll both miss out on something that could have been great. And being in a relationship with someone you love and who loves you would only add to your happiness—without the pain that usually comes with unrequited love.
   
   But if by chance your crush doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, that just frees your heart up to find someone who will. Isn’t that better than loving in secret and contenting yourself with unrequited love? And while you wait for someone new to come along, you can have fun loving yourself and doing things you enjoy.
   
   If you can’t confess to your crush, though, the other tips on this list can still help you keep them from being your only source of joy. And if you can confess, it’s best to do so only when you’re ready.

Final Thoughts

It’s not unusual for all the wonderful, fluttery feelings we get when we have a crush to take over our life. But you don’t have to let that happen if you don’t want it to. The advice in this post can help you find happiness outside your crush, while still allowing them to be a source for you. Hopefully this advice will also help you find happiness from one of its purest sources—inside you.

Now I turn it to you. How do you think someone can stop a crush from being their only source of joy?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: February 17, 2024