Why INTJs Might Want to Consider Taking a Chance on Love

Photo by Larisa Birta on Unsplash

From what I’ve learned of INTJs, they tend to be very focused, driven personalities who value knowledge and rationality. Sometimes their drive to expand their mind and continually improve themselves leaves them wondering, “Why on earth would I ever want a relationship with someone who’ll distract me from my goals?”

It’s true that relationships take time and effort. Healthy relationships require that both partners give and take. And at times, this involves sacrifice—time spent on a relationship means time away from pursuing one goal or another.

And time spent with someone else is time not spent alone—something INTJs (and all introverts) greatly value. Also, relationships involve those crazy, unpredictable things called feelings which can be a foreign concept to INTJs.

Given all this, why would INTJs want to consider entering a romantic relationship? Here are five reasons.

5 Reasons INTJs Might Want to Consider Having a Romantic Relationship

1. Relationships can offer endless mental stimulation.

   According to this article from Truity, INTJs prefer being around people who stimulate them intellectually. Because it can be hard for them to find people like this, their friend group tends to be small. This is actually typical of introverts in general since they don’t need much social contact to fulfill their social needs.
   
   But romantic relationships can offer a unique form of mental stimulation, a kind that isn’t always present in friendships. Whereas you don’t need to see friends often to maintain friendships, romantic relationships involve constant and consistent interaction.
   
   Instead of seeing this as a burden, INTJs could see this as an opportunity to be constantly exposed to the new ideas and perspectives their partner presents to them. This will offer them endless opportunities to have their own ideas and viewpoints challenged.
   
   Additionally, when an INTJ is interested in someone, they may become interested in their interests. In this way, INTJs will continually expand their mind by exposing themselves to topics they may never otherwise have considered learning about. I imagine this could be exciting to knowledge-loving INTJs.

2. Relationships can help INTJs become more comfortable with their feelings.

   INTJs are not known for being in touch with their feelings and emotions. They definitely have them, but that doesn’t mean they always feel at ease expressing them. And even when they do express them, they may not have developed the tact necessary to voice them in a way that’s pleasing or comprehensible to someone else.
   
   When INTJs focus on more cerebral pursuits, this can be a way they escape the realm of feelings, which means they never have to deal with all their messiness and irrationality. But INTJs are also big on personal development. Developing their ability to deal with their fellow humans is one type of personal development, and it’s something they might want to consider seriously working on if they want to be well-rounded.
   
   While it might not be possible for INTJs to become well-versed in the language of feelings overnight, having a long-term partner could help them become more comfortable with their feelings over time. And this may also lead them to become more comfortable voicing their feelings. When they can do this with someone they trust, it might help them express their feelings around others.
   
   And they may even become more adept at handling other people’s emotions—in moderation, of course. Developing these skills can only serve INTJs in all their future goals and aspirations where interaction with others is necessary.

3. The right partner can help an INTJ pursue their goals.

   Rather than thinking of relationships as a distraction from goals, INTJs can consider how the right partner can help them achieve their goals. If the INTJ’s partner is interested in and knowledgable about what the INTJ is doing, they can discuss ideas together. And it’s possible their partner’s input can help them make better plans than they would have been able to on their own.
   
   If the INTJ’s partner isn’t particularly knowledgable about this subject, they still might be willing to hear and consider the INTJ’s ideas and offer valuable feedback. INTJs wouldn’t choose a partner whose intellect they didn’t appreciate and value, which means any feedback they give would be sound and worth their consideration.
   
   Additionally, their partner can offer love and support as the INTJ pursues their goals. While some INTJs might prefer to see themselves as completely independent, it might be because they’ve never known the comfort that can come from having someone to lean on, especially during tough times. And when the time does come for INTJs to discuss their feelings, it will probably be a relief to them to have someone they trust to share them with.

4. Relationships can allow INTJs to finally understand relationships.

   INTJs tend to have trouble understanding how relationships work because they’re not logical or rational. There’s no one set of rules that applies to all relationships, and this unpredictability can leave INTJs in the dark about how and why relationships work at all.
   
   But sometimes the best way to understand something is to experience it for yourself. It’s not unlike taking something apart so you can look inside and see its inner workings.
   
   When INTJs view relationships from a distance, they may seem like these mysterious, volatile things that they want nothing to do with. But when in the middle of a relationship—a healthy one—they’re in a better position to understand how two separate people can come together to make each other’s lives better—and each other better, too.
   
   Relationships may seem incomprehensible to those who lead with the mind instead of the heart. But entering the right relationship may be just what they need to end this mystery once and for all.

5. Relationships can become the deepest friendships INTJs will ever know.

   It’s not uncommon for INTJs (and INTPs, too, for that matter) to view relationships as more in-depth friendships. INTJs aren’t known for traditional displays of romance. They prefer to show their partners how they feel versus telling them, and they often do this in subtle ways.
   
   People who don’t understand these personalities may have a hard time with this tendency. But if an INTJ is careful to choose a partner who understands them and the way they show love, this understanding can lead to a very comfortable relationship—especially if the INTJ understands their partner as well.
   
   The way I see it, the greatest relationships are those where the partners are both lovers and friends. A partner isn’t just someone to be intimate with—although that’s definitely part of the relationship package—but someone to talk to about everything and someone to look to for support. A partner can encourage you when you’re doubting yourself and lift you up when you feel down.
   
   INTJs may value their independence, but even they may wonder what it would be like to have a partner—especially when they consider all they have to offer someone else, like loyalty, a listening ear, and someone ready to help their partner solve their problems in the most logical way possible.
   
   It might help INTJs to think of partners as forever friends. Relationships between INTJs and their partners may look different than what society often portrays as the ideal of romance. But since INTJs tend to go against tradition in so many other aspects of their lives, it makes sense that they would do this in their romantic relationships as well.

Final Thoughts

Relationships may not be the most rational things around, but the right relationship can help a person become more of who they are, not less. If INTJs look at having a relationship as a way to learn and improve and have support on the road to accomplishing their goals, it may just be one of the best experiences they’ll ever know.

But I am aware that romantic relationships aren’t for everyone. And for INTJs who are known to be very independent, they might actually prefer not to have a partner. In that case, a few good friends might be all they need to fulfill their relationship needs.

I just wouldn’t want to see INTJs discount the idea of love because they don’t understand the logic of it or because they don’t see the point in having a partner. There are many benefits to having a romantic partner, just as there are many benefits to being single. It’s good for INTJs—and everyone—to consider both options before making a decision either way.

Now it’s your turn. Why do you think INTJs might want to consider taking a chance on love?

~ Ashley C.