How Can an INTP Confess Their Love to Someone?

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For INTPs, love is a bit of a foreign language. INTPs value logic and rationality, and the nature of love is to be both illogical and irrational. So, how can these logical personalities confess their feelings to the person they love? Consider these five tips.

5 Tips to Help INTPs Confess Their Feelings to Someone

1. Understand the logic of confessing.

   “What’s the point in confessing? Shouldn’t my actions already tell this person how I feel?” If you’re an INTP, thoughts like these might occur to you after you’ve considered the possibility of confessing your love to someone.
   
   But the thing about love is, even though it’s best expressed in actions, words are helpful to avoid vagueness. The person you love might be aware that you care about them or even that you give them special treatment. But for them to know you love them, they’ll probably prefer to hear you say it. Even if you don’t say it often, they’ll still want to hear it once in a while.
   
   And once in a while starts with the first confession. Without it, you’ll leave this person with doubts about how you really feel. And once doubt creeps in, there’s a chance they won’t want to continue your relationship, whatever its nature, because your silence on this matter will leave them unclear about where you stand.
   
   Yes, it’s true that people can say “I love you” and then not have actions to back it up, causing their loved ones to feel unloved anyway. But showing your love without saying it can also lead people to feel unloved. If that’s not how you want the person you care about to feel, you’re going to have to share those feelings with them.

2. Analyze how you express love.

   Because INTPs don’t particularly like dealing with emotions and feelings, they’re not always aware of how they’re already expressing their love for someone. This article from Truity suggests some ways that INTPs can recognize their own romantic feelings. But before this recognition can happen, they have to observe their own behavior.
   
   If you’re an INTP, what is it that you do that makes you know you love this person? Do you find that they stimulate your mind? Do you enjoy debating with them? Do you value their perspective? Do you help them find logical solutions to their problems? Do you buy them practical or useful gifts? Do you just enjoy their company?
   
   Essentially, if you find that a certain person has become a special subject of interest to you, there’s a good chance you have feelings for them. If so, take some time to note how you express your love for them without words.

3. Confess by explaining the way you love to this person.

   Now that you know the ways you show your love, a good way for you to confess would be to just list them. For INTPs, a confession could sound something like this:
   
   You: “I need to tell you something.”
   Crush: “What is it?”
   You: (pause) “I like talking to you. You keep my mind stimulated. I like spending time with you. I’ll cancel plans just to be with you. I buy you gifts that I know you’ll use. This is how I show you that I love you. I may not say it often, but when I do these things, please know that I do.”
   
   That’s the essential breakdown of what an INTP confession could look like. You tell your crush you need to tell them something, and once they’re listening, you pause to collect your thoughts and prepare yourself for the revelation of those crazy things called emotions. And then you list the ways you show your love.
   
   If you’re too nervous to do something like this in person, you can feel free to write your crush a letter or send them an email. I’m not a huge fan of online confessions (i.e. through texting, social media, etc.), but if you would like to go that route, this post might be helpful.

4. Be prepared for possible responses.

   If you’ve been dating someone for a while, a confession like this might not be so unexpected. In fact, it’s possible that the person you’ve been dating has been waiting for it for a long time. But if you’re confessing to someone who has probably only seen you as a friend until now, be prepared for this to shock them.
   
   Since you’ve been so good at keeping your feelings hidden, it’s very likely that they thought you only saw them as a friend as well. So, don’t expect them to be able to respond right away. They might need time to process what you said before responding. If so, don’t rush them into responding until they’re ready.
   
   But when they are ready, you can expect a response along these lines: they’re interested, they’re not interested, or they leave things open.
   
   If they’re interested, great! You’ve found requited love. Feel free to celebrate as you see fit.
   
   If they’re not interested, at least now you know. Knowing is better than not knowing. And if this is their response, please try not to take it personally. Even if this person doesn’t see you as a potential romantic partner for them, someone else out there will. And this rejection doesn’t make you any less worthy of love, nor does it diminish your value.
   
   If they leave things open, I advise you to move on. You don’t want to waste your emotions on someone like that. And keep in mind that it is possible for this person to not respond at all. If someone’s response to your confession is silence or something close to it, you’ll probably also want to move on.

5. Whatever the outcome, applaud yourself for being brave.

   This is advice I like to give to anyone who finds the courage to confess their feelings to someone. I know this isn’t an easy thing for anyone to do. And for INTPs who prefer to dwell in the land of logic and reason, it can be especially nerve-wracking for them to put themselves out there with a love confession.
   
   But if you want to enjoy deeply fulfilling romantic relationships, love confessions will be necessary. This means that, yes, you will have to risk rejection. But if that happens, believe me when I say it’s not the end of the world.
   
   Think about it logically. What in this world doesn’t involve at least some risk? Didn’t all the great inventors risk creating products that didn’t work on the route to making ones that did? Didn’t the people who paved the way in scientific and technological fields risk criticism when they talked about theories and ways of doing things that went against conventional wisdom? Hasn’t it been the same for people doing things differently in every field?
   
   Love is one of the many things in this life that involves some risk. It’s up to you to decide whether it’s a risk you’re willing to take.

Final Thoughts

If you’re an INTP who has struggled to confess your feelings to someone, I hope these tips help. I know feelings and emotions aren’t your favorite subjects. I know you wish people and relationships could be more rational. And I know there are probably a million things you would prefer to do over telling someone how you feel about them.

But there is a very logical way to see this whole process. If you care about someone, it’s only logical to let them know.

Now it’s your turn. How do you think INTPs can confess their love to someone?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: January 29, 2024