What Should You Do When Someone Acts Normal After You Confess Your Feelings to Them?
Photo by Elena Joland on Unsplash
When you confess your feelings to someone, your hope is that they’ll feel the same way about you. At the very least, you would love for them to respond in some way so you know whether to hold on or let go.
Sadly, sometimes after someone confesses their feelings to someone else, that person may choose not to respond at all. This can be a hard situation to navigate in general, but it becomes especially hard when that person acts as if the confession never happened. It’s one thing if things are awkward after the confession, but if everything seems normal, that’s a whole other level of confusion.
So, what do you do in a case like this? Here are five suggestions.
5 Things to Do When Someone Acts Like a Love Confession Never Happened
Go with the flow for a while.
I know it might be a challenge for you to act like everything is normal when you just put your heart on the line and the person you confessed to didn’t say anything. I know what you really want to do is to ask them about the confession and their lack of a response to it. And I think you should do that, but not right away. First, give this person time to process your confession.
If you confessed in a way that you know they couldn’t have missed—like, you told them in person or, if you texted them, they’ve continued texting you but without responding to the confession—then you know they heard you. It’s possible your confession surprised them so much that acting like everything is normal is the best way they have of dealing with their emotions right now.
Give them time before revisiting the confession. It’s possible that, in their own time, they will give you a response. But as you wait, go ahead and do your best to pretend like everything is normal, too. (If you’re not sure whether they received your confession, you still might want to wait before bringing it up again.)After some time has passed, revisit the confession.
If, however, time passes and this person still hasn’t responded or even acknowledged the confession, you’ll probably want to revisit it. It’s hard to say how long to wait before doing this. I would say a few days maybe, but probably no longer than a week. You’ll get a feel for when a good amount of time has passed, after which you’re fairly sure they’re never going to say anything either way.
Once that time passes, gently bring up your confession. You can start off by saying something like, “Yeah, so, um, do you remember when I told you a few days ago that I liked you? Uh…you never responded. Is there a reason for that?”
Instead of outright saying, “I would like you to respond,” it might be a better idea to ask if they have a reason for not responding. (If they didn’t receive your confession, now is probably when they’ll tell you. And if that’s the case, you can move on to tip #3.)
If they give a reason, like they really were still processing their feelings for you, then you can ask if they still need time. If they say no, go ahead and skip to #4 on this list. But if they say yes, tell them you’re willing to wait until they’re ready. And if they don’t give any particular reason, then you can tell them that you would really like them to give you a response. But also tell them you’re willing to wait for it.Give this person time to respond.
One way or another, if this person doesn’t know what to say after you confess your feelings to them, they’ll need time to process their feelings. In fact, it’s not knowing what to say that often stops people from responding to a love confession at all.
I know it’s hard to even think about waiting longer for a response because you feel like you’ve already waited so long. But if this person is willing to give your feelings and their own serious reflection, it’s good to respect that and give them the time and space they need for processing. But don’t wait forever either.
Speaking of respect…If they do respond, respect whatever they say.
If they tell you they like you back, celebrate! If they tell you they just like you as a friend, respect that. I know what you really want is reciprocation, but as long as this person was honest with you, it’s important to respect what they say.
If this person is a good friend, you might need some distance before you two can return to having a comfortable friendship again. You might not be able to spend as much time together or talk together as much, at least for a while—until your heart heals and you’ve moved on. But I believe that, in time, you will be able to get back to a good place again.
But, again, their response could be reciprocation. And if it is, you’ve just found requited love! That’s definitely something worth celebrating.If they don’t respond, gently tell them how you feel about that.
If even after this renewed attempt at discussing the confession they don’t say anything, you’ll have to be honest with this person. I hope this is someone you feel comfortable being honest with. You have to tell them the truth about how you feel because that helps you and them know that you see yourself as valuable—which you are—and that you don’t appreciate their unwillingness to be honest with you.
Here’s an example of what you could say: “You know, it really hurts that you’re not telling me how you feel either way. I told you how I feel, so I don’t think it’s too much for you to tell me how you feel. I deserve that.”
One of the reasons rejection stings so much when someone doesn’t reciprocate your feelings is because it has a tendency to make you feel less worthy of love. Rejection in love matters tends to feel like someone is rejecting you as a person. When you tell this person that it hurts that they’re refusing to be honest with you, it helps you remind yourself and them that you deserve better. You entrusted them with your feelings, so they should be able to entrust you with theirs.
It’s possible that after this honesty, they will come clean about their feelings for you. If they do, return to tip #4. But if they don’t, keep walking with your head held high. You found the courage to confess your feelings for someone. You’re brave, strong, and valuable. And someone not responding to your heartfelt love confession can never change that.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve had the awkward experience of seeing someone act like nothing happened after you confessed your feelings for them, I hope this advice helps. People can be complicated creatures who sometimes don’t understand even their own behavior. Understanding this can help you be more patient with someone who doesn’t respond as you think they should to your confession.
Now it’s your turn. What do you think someone should do if the person they confessed to acts normal after their love confession?
~ Ashley C.