5 Things INFJs and INFPs Should Keep in Mind Before Making a Love Confession

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INFJs and INFPs are two of the rarer Myers-Briggs personality types. Though they do have their differences, they also have a lot in common. And this is especially true when it comes to love.

Both INFJs and INFPs are known to be hopeless romantics, both are drawn to the idea of finding a soulmate, and both tend to fall deeply in love when they do. With these similar approaches to love come similar potential issues when making a love confession.

In this post, I’m offering advice on what these two personalities might want to remember before confessing their love to someone.

5 Things INFJs and INFPs Should Keep in Mind Before Confessing Their Feelings

1. Monitor your inner monologue.

   Both INFJs and INFPs spend a lot of time in their heads. This is actually true of introverts in general. But INFJs and INFPs can be especially prone to overthinking and overanalyzing certain situations. In this case, they can overanalyze a crush situation.
   
   If an INFJ or INFP has feelings for someone and wants to confess, they may find their inner monologue going back and forth about whether or not this person feels the same way, should they confess or not, when should they confess, what happens if they date and things don’t work out, and on and on.
   
   If you pay too much attention to these racing thoughts, they might convince you not to confess to someone who is actually worthy of your love and affection. These thoughts can make you afraid of the outcome before you even enter a relationship—before you even say the words, “I like you.”
   
   To avoid this, simply monitor your thoughts. As much as you can, take a step back from them and just listen to them or “watch” them come and go. This is advice I’ve read in numerous sources, including Michael A. Singer’s phenomenal book The Untethered Soul. When you watch your thoughts, you’re not lost in them. That will allow you to take back control of your mind so you can assess the situation with more clarity.

2. Remember your tendency to idealize.

   INFJs and INFPs are both known to be avid daydreamers who love fantasizing about an ideal world. Among these fantasies are images of an ideal relationship. What can happen, then, is that, coupled with our tendency to be hopeless romantics, when we find someone who we start to like, we may idealize that person.
   
   We may see them as the perfect person, one who makes no mistakes and has no flaws. We may go to great lengths to make sure we’re meeting that person’s needs, even sacrificing our own in the process. We may lose ourselves in this person, striving to become the kind of person they want us to be—or how we imagine they want us to be—or how we imagine we need to be to deserve them.
   
   The thing is, there are no perfect people. And if we find that just being ourselves isn’t enough for this person to like us, we should really reconsider confessing to them. I understand that it can be hard for INFJs and INFPs to move on from a crush—especially once we’ve fallen deeply in love—but it would be better for us to begin the process rather than striving to be the “perfect” person for someone who doesn’t accept us as we are.
   
   At the same time, our idealizing can make us afraid that someone we like won’t live up to our idea of an ideal partner. This can make us reluctant to confess our feelings or enter any relationship. But, again, there are no perfect people. There are some very special people in this world, though. And if you find one who treats you with love and respect, don’t be afraid to take a chance on a relationship with them.

3. Watch out for red flags.

   This goes along with #2. When these personalities are so focused on the idealized version of their crush in their mind, it can be hard for them to see the real version of them. When they focus on all the things they love about their crush, they may overlook things like their tendency to get absorbed in their own needs, forgetting that the INFJ or INFP has needs at all.
   
   They may overlook how their crush takes advantage of their kindness or generosity. They may overlook the fact that their interactions with their crush are infrequent because the few interactions they have are so meaningful—at least, that’s how the INFJ or INFP perceives them.
   
   In fact, in this post I talk about how I confessed my feelings for someone even though our interactions were rare and he hadn’t actually given me any signs to let me know he liked me or wanted anything more than friendship. I would like to help you avoid this as much as possible. So, before you confess, take time to see whether this person would actually be a good match for you in real life.

4. Consider the best way to confess.

   Both INFJs and INFPs can express themselves eloquently in writing. But this isn’t everyone’s preferred way of communicating. When confessing to a crush, it’s best to tell them in their preferred method of communication, not yours. So, if your crush also values the written word, by all means confess in an email or a letter—a handwritten one if you wish.
   
   But if you know your crush prefers to communicate via texting or other technology, you might want to confess that way. The idea is to confess in the way you think your crush is most likely to respond. As much as possible, you want to avoid the possibility of an unanswered love confession. That’s less likely if you know your crush is actively using whatever means you use to confess to them.
   
   But confessing in person, while the most nerve-wracking way to confess, is also the one most likely to be followed by some kind of response.

5. Prepare for possible outcomes.

   This is advice I often give to anyone preparing to confess their feelings for someone. I think it’s easier to do something once you consider what’s actually likely to happen, rather than giving your mind free rein to imagine all sorts of crazy possibilities.
   
   When you confess your feelings to someone, there are generally three possible outcomes you can expect: they’ll either reciprocate, not reciprocate, or leave things open. (In this post, I go more into the possible responses an INFJ can expect after a love confession, but most of the advice I give can work for INFPs, too.)
   
   If they reciprocate, go ahead and celebrate as you see fit. You’ve just found requited love! It might be time for a new happy dance.
   
   If they don’t reciprocate, respect that and still applaud yourself for being brave. Not everyone finds the courage to confess their feelings to their crush, and you did. That in itself is worthy of celebration.
   
   And if they leave things open, run. Unless they do this because they need more time to process their feelings, this person has just shown that they can’t be trusted with the most fragile part of you—your heart. You were vulnerable, and they couldn’t return the favor and be vulnerable, too.
   
   Since INFJs and INFPs love so deeply, they really shouldn’t be wasting their emotions on people like that. (But if this person does need more time to process, give them that time.)

Final Thoughts

If you’re an INFJ or INFP wanting to confess your feelings to someone, I hope these tips help. You all have a tremendous capacity for love. And if you can keep your thoughts in check and remember that real life is better than fantasy, there’s no reason you can’t enjoy all the wonders and thrills of a romantic relationship with your soulmate.

Now it’s your turn. What do you think INFJs and INFPs should keep in mind before confessing their love to someone?

~ Ashley C.

P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!

Last updated: July 1, 2024