7 Tips for Building a New Relationship With an INFJ Who Left

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Despite our best efforts, sometimes our relationships don’t go as smoothly as we would like. For one reason or another, maybe you and the INFJ in your life experienced a rupture in your relationship. As a result, they felt compelled to leave.

But maybe you were able to work things out and now you’re giving your relationship another try. It would probably be more accurate to say you’re starting a new relationship with them because you wouldn’t want to go back to the old, broken one. It’s just, you’re not quite sure where to begin.

If you would like some guidance, the following seven tips might help.

7 Tips for Starting a New Relationship With an INFJ

1. Give your INFJ space.

   Even as your INFJ is coming to trust you again, they’ll still need space. In fact, to grow closer to you, they’ll need space to process their own feelings and emotions. It may seem counterintuitive, but allowing your INFJ the space they need to understand how they feel about you will make it easier for them to feel comfortable with you again.
   
   INFJs also need space because it’s when they’re alone that they’re able to recharge. If you want your INFJ to be their most vibrant self around you, make sure you give them all the space and alone time they need.

2. Encourage open communication.

   Something that can easily cause conflict in relationships with INFJs is, ironically, the INFJ desire to avoid conflict. Sometimes, in our efforts to keep the peace, we avoid discussing the things that are bothering us.
   
   We may not want to say anything because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or upset them. But then we come to a place where our feelings of anger or resentment become too much. And rather than discuss them, we may choose to shut someone out.
   
   You can avoid this by simply encouraging your INFJ to be honest about their feelings. Let them know that you want to know if something is bothering them and that you won’t become angry or defensive if they’re honest with you.

3. Show that you can be trusted.

   When your INFJ speaks, make sure you listen. Show that they can trust you with even their most fragile emotions. As I mentioned in #2, if your INFJ is trying to be honest in sharing how they feel, you would do them a great favor if you actually listened to them without judging them or getting defensive. This is especially true if they’re sharing things that are bothering them.
   
   Also, if you make promises, keep them. And if you have to break them, have a good reason for doing so. But try not to make promises if you think there’s a good chance you’ll have to break them.
   
   Part of starting this new relationship will be just to show your INFJ that they can trust you again. It’s good to tell them that they can trust you, but it’s just as important—maybe even more important—to show them.

4. Voice your expectations.

   Different people often come into the same relationship with different expectations. These include expectations of their own behavior and expectations of their partner’s behavior.
   
   Rather than guessing at each other’s expectations, it’s a good idea to talk about what you both expect. Talk about each other’s roles in the relationship and what your relationship needs are. And then talk about how you plan to meet each other’s needs.
   
   If there’s any disconnect between your needs, it’s good to become aware of them now so you can find solutions early. This way you’re starting to build your new relationship on a strong foundation.

5. Be consistent.

   With all of these tips, it’s important to be consistent. As much as you can, be consistent with keeping promises. Be consistent with giving your INFJ space. Be consistent with listening and looking at things from their perspective. Be consistent with open communication.
   
   People tend to be creatures of habit. So, even when attempting to start a new relationship with someone, there might be temptation to return to old ways of doing things. To be consistent, you have to be mindful of old habits and constantly aware of what you’re trying to change. Awareness will be one of your biggest allies in starting this new relationship.

6. Be mindful of what caused the rupture in the first place.

   This ties into the previous point about being consistent. When starting this new relationship, it’s important to remember why the previous one ended. If there was a specific behavior or behaviors that you know bothered your INFJ before, you’ll want to be mindful of not continuing that behavior or those behaviors now.
   
   Your INFJ will be watching you to see if you were sincere in your desire to change, especially during the early stages. If you want to show them you were sincere, once again, awareness will be one of your greatest tools.

7. Be patient.

   This is advice I often give for relationships with INFJs. As you work on getting back to a good place with the special INFJ in your life, know that it may take time. They have it in them to let you into their heart again, but it’s not an overnight process. In time, though, you can enjoy a wonderful, thriving relationship with them again—perhaps one that’s even stronger than the one you had before.

Final Thoughts

If you and the INFJ you care about had been distant for a while, emotionally or physically, or if you’re both recovering from an INFJ door slam, you’re going to have to take things slow as you start anew. My hope is that this post helps you along that journey. Just know that if you’re both willing to make the effort, a beautiful new relationship for you two is possible.

Now I turn it to you. How would you build a new relationship with an INFJ who left? Let me know in the comments.

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: September 22, 2023