It’s Taken Years, But I’ve Finally Learned to Be Content Being Single. Here’s How.
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I wasn’t always content to be single, even though I’ve never had a romantic partner. But with all the messaging there is out there about the significance of romantic relationships and the media portrayal of relationships as this glamorous thing everyone should have in their life, it’s hard not to absorb that.
There have been times when I felt content, though, and I wrote songs to prove it. But even if the songs themselves might have been coming from a real place, I don’t think I ever truly learned what it means to be content being single until recently. (I’m now in my 30s.)
I used to consider myself a hopeless romantic, something I talk more about here. But as I discuss in that post, I’ve realized that what I thought was a desire for a romantic relationship was nothing more than an addiction to love.
I love the feeling of being in love. But I don’t actually want all the responsibility that comes with having a romantic relationship, at least not now. And when I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think I’ve ever really wanted that kind of relationship. I just loved being in love.
I loved having someone to crush on, someone to look forward to seeing or talking to. But after years of relying on crushes to help me cope with and navigate life, which I talk more about here, I’ve finally left the fantasy land where relationships are the highest priority and where having a romantic partner was my main goal.
So, how did I learn to be content as a single woman? There are four main things that helped.
4 Things That Helped Me Go from Hopeless Romantic to Content Being Single
#1: Crush Analysis
The first was doing the crush analysis that helped me understand how my past experiences with unrequited love were really just an addiction to the feelings of love. This was such a huge distinction for me to make.
I used to feel very painful emotions when I noticed my feelings weren’t being reciprocated. But now that I see how I never even wanted a relationship in the first place, it has freed me to enjoy the feelings of love without feeling like I need a romantic partner in real life.
This analysis has also allowed me to understand that I was subconsciously choosing “safe” people to crush on—people I could love but couldn’t actually date for one reason or another. My subconscious seemed to know that I didn’t really want a romantic relationship but that I did want to enjoy the feelings of love. So, it found a way for me to enjoy the feelings without the relationships. (It was actually AI that helped me realize this.)
#2: Embracing My Sensuality Without a Partner
I think we too often link sensuality with partnership. But the reality is, we are naturally sexual beings. The desire to enjoy sensual pleasures isn’t limited to people who are in relationships. Even the single among us have these desires.
(Just so you know, here and elsewhere on this site, I use the words “sensuality” and “sexuality” and related terms interchangeably. The words have slightly different meanings, but I prefer not to get too repetitive.)
Even so, although I have enjoyed my own sensuality through things like fantasizing and fiction writing, I used to think I needed to have a partner to experience the full richness of sensuality.
I no longer believe that. I believe I can enjoy sensual pleasures just fine without a partner. It’s limited thinking that leads us to believe we need a partner to fully embrace this beautiful side of ourselves. (By the way, if you’re a single woman, this post offers some tips on how you can enjoy your sensuality without a partner.)
While I may have a partner in the fantasies I create, I’ve learned that I don’t need anyone physically there for me to have fun on my own.
#3: Realizing I Don’t Need a Partner to Move Forward
For the longest time, I genuinely thought I couldn’t move my life forward without having a romantic partner. So many of the women I see succeeding out there have a partner. Seeing this, my brain then tied “success as a woman” to “having a partner.”
But part of this mentality comes from the idea of wanting someone to save me. I used to feel incapable of changing my life on my own. And deeply embedded religious beliefs that made me think I had to follow a specific plan also convinced me that I had to wait for guidance or wait for the plan to be revealed.
It seemed to make sense to me that if all I could do was wait, I was waiting for someone to come rescue me in some form. And it made sense that that someone would be a partner, especially since I so yearned for partnership.
But after years of waiting for this partner to appear, no one has showed up yet. And I’m tired of waiting. So, I have been moving my life forward on my own. And as I do this, I’m proving to myself that I can make progress even without a partner. (Uprooting unhelpful religious beliefs and going from religious to spiritual have also helped me make this transition.)
#4: Highlighting What I Love About Being Single
This is something I had done before. But without the crush analysis that helped me acknowledge my love addiction, my realization that I can enjoy my sensuality on my own, and my realization that I don’t need a partner to move forward, even highlighting these benefits wasn’t enough to allow me to feel content being single.
Now that I’ve done the other work, though, I’m free to enjoy all the wonderful benefits of singlehood. Here are some examples.
I love the freedom that comes with being single. I love not having to consult someone else before making decisions. I love the idea of just being able to pick and go somewhere without having to share my plans with anyone or figure out how this person will fit into them.
I love not having to deal with someone else’s bizarre habits. And as an introvert, and specifically someone of the INFJ personality, I highly value my alone time. I love getting as much alone time as I can.
Also, as someone who is a bit of a workaholic, I love not having to make time for someone or remember to respond to their messages when I’m in the middle of a big project.
I genuinely love being single.
Final Thoughts
I’ve come to a place in my life where I’m truly content without a partner. But it was not an easy journey to get here. As someone who used to be a hopeless romantic who was addicted to love and crushes, I yearned to have a romantic partner. I longed to know what romance would feel like in real life, not just in fantasies or in the stories I wrote. I have yet to experience that, though. And that used to bother me.
It doesn’t bother me anymore.
I’ve finally realized that I never wanted a romantic relationship in the past. I just wanted to enjoy those loving feelings I get when I have a crush. I’ve also come to realize that I don’t need a partner to fully embrace my sensuality or to move forward in life. So, the reality is, I don’t need a partner for anything. I find that very freeing.
I’m not opposed to romance or partnership. But if I were to ever enter a relationship with someone, they would have to be very special. I value my single status way too much now to give it up for just anyone.
~ Ashley C.
P.S. If you’ve noticed that all of your crushes have been unrequited, please know that there’s a reason. If you would like to discover what role your crushes have played in your life, my Romantic Narrative Assessment is for you. It will provide you with a written analysis of the story your one-sided crushes are telling you. Simply click the image below to learn more.
A written analysis of the story your crushes are telling you.
Unrequited love doesn’t happen for no reason. On the surface, it’s usually a mix of deep emotion, fantasy, and rumination. But when you look deeper, you’ll find that you’re choosing these crushes for reasons more specific to you.
If you’re tired of wondering why all your crushes are unrequited, this analysis will deconstruct your recurring crush patterns so you understand exactly how these crushes have been serving you and why you choose certain people to crush on.
The Basic Version of the assessment includes a written analysis of your romantic patterns, which will analyze your crushes to uncover what you truly desire.
Last updated: June 11, 2026