Dealing With Unrequited Love for a Coworker? What This Might Be Telling You
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When you’re dealing with unrequited love at work, it might be hard to focus on the work you’re doing. It might also be hard to focus on other things in general. And so, you may desire to move on from this type of crush.
But even as you’re crushing on this person, you might want to look deeper at what this crush might be saying about the way you approach your life in general. To give you an idea of what to look for, here are four things you might want to consider when you’re dealing with unrequited love at work.
4 Things Unrequited Love for a Coworker Might Be Telling You
You’re bored with your life.
If you’re living a truly happy and fulfilling life, you’ll probably find it hard to waste precious time and energy loving someone who doesn’t return your affection. What you would really want in that case, if you have the time and room for it, is a loving, reciprocal relationship with someone who truly adds to your life. But your life should be fun and purpose-filled on its own.
If you do have the time and energy to love someone who doesn’t return your love, it might be because your life isn’t very full or fulfilling right now. And if you think this might be true, pause and take inventory.
How are you spending your time? Are there areas of your life that could be more fulfilling? For instance, are you actually happy with the work you’re doing? Or is your coworker the only bright spot there? If so, now might be the time to look into what you really want to be doing.
And what do you do in your spare time? Do you do things that are fun for you? Or do you do things to numb the loneliness you feel because you don’t have this special person in your life? And do you have other fulfilling relationships? If not, you might want to make the effort to start connecting with others—people who make you feel seen and loved, rather than sad and small.
Because even if your coworker does seem to see you in a special way, them not returning your feelings can’t possibly feel good and may even cause you to doubt your self-esteem (see #3).
I think the goal of life is to full your days with as much of what makes you happy as possible. If most of your life isn’t making you happy—if this crush is the only thing you have to look forward to—now is the time to start taking steps to make your life more fun for you. And when your life is that way, then you’ll be more open to receiving and accepting reciprocal love.You don’t know who you are.
If you are bored with your life (see #1), you might want to consider using some of your free time to figure out what you truly want to be doing or what a joy-filled life looks like to you. Going on a journey of self-discovery or a self journey can be helpful for this.
Just so you know, you don’t have to travel anywhere to go on this kind of journey. This is a journey inward, to help you get to know yourself better. It’s about asking yourself hard questions and searching for the answers. If you feel that traveling might help you discover those answers, you’re free to travel. But it’s not required.
All that’s required is a little courage on your part to be honest with yourself about the current state of your life and whether it’s a good reflection of your own beliefs and values rather than those of others.
It could be that you’re crushing on this person, not necessarily because you love them but because they fit the image of the kind of person you feel you should be crushing on. Maybe it’s because of influence from friends and family or society in general.
Maybe it’s because of how you’ve come to see yourself, which might not be an accurate reflection of who you truly and authentically are. This could be a reason your feelings are unrequited—because you’re being drawn to this person for reasons that are inauthentic to you.
If you feel like you don’t really know who you are and if you’ve never taken time to look deep, I would advise you to do just that by going on a self-discovery journey. And if you would like some guided help on this journey, feel free to check out my Authenticity Coaching services. It’s a calm form of life coaching for sensitive people or people who would prefer an asynchronous approach to coaching. No live calls, just strategic written analysis to help you move forward.You have low self-esteem.
If you’re crushing on someone who doesn’t return your feelings, there’s a chance that you don’t esteem yourself highly enough to believe that you’re worthy of reciprocal love. While this might not necessarily be the case, it could be. That’s why this is something else you have to watch out for if you’re dealing unrequited love at work.
It’s possible that, if you’re willing to settle for unrequited love, you don’t actually believe you’re worthy of reciprocal love. And so you’re willing to settle for pleasant interactions with this person and fantasies of them without actually expecting romance in real life.
But if you really want to experience romance in real life, you first have to believe that you’re worthy of it. You have to see yourself as special, as someone who has plenty of wonderful qualities. And you have to believe that another person would love to be part of your life.
If you are struggling in this area, you might want to work on building your self-esteem. And I find that it starts with self-love. You should be showing yourself the kind of love that means you won’t settle for relationships that don’t make you feel loved.
One way to start is by writing down a list of qualities you like about yourself. Or just make time to do fun things you enjoy. And be mindful of how you speak to yourself, both out loud and in your head. Try to speak to yourself with kindness and compassion, the way you would talk to a good friend or someone you care about. The more love you show yourself, the less willing you’ll be to settle for unrequited love.You’re lacking in ambition.
You don’t have to set huge audacious goals for yourself if you don’t want to. (You’re welcome to if you want to, though.) But in life, it can be nice to set new goals for yourself every once in a while and try your best to reach them. And they should be goals that force you out of your comfort zone in one way or another.
When you set a big goal for yourself, it will require effort and energy on your part to reach it. This goal could be something like making a certain amount of money each month, achieving a certain figure (in terms of physical appearance), running in a marathon, or learning a new skill.
The key is to make this goal challenging and meaningful to you. If it’s not challenging, you might find it boring to go after it or else it won’t require much effort from you, which defeats the purpose. And if it’s not meaningful, you might not see any reason to do it after a while and stop.
And by the way, your ambition could even be to enjoy a loving, reciprocal relationship with someone. But if you don’t even make that your goal, you’ll likely settle for unrequited love. So, if you’re going to set some goals for yourself, make them require something extraordinary of you but also make them important to you.
And I agree with the philosophy I learned in Atomic Habits by James Clear. It’s not the goal itself that should really be what you’re striving for but what achieving that goal will require of you—how it will require you to grow and change.
So, for example, if you do want that loving, reciprocal relationship, how do you have to change so you’re ready to accept that kind of love when it comes your way? What kind of mindset shifts will you have to make so you’re more open to reciprocal love?
Do you have to go to different places so you can find potential partners? What will it require of you? And are you willing to make those changes? Or are you going to continue to settle for unrequited love?
And you never know if pursuing a goal other than love could actually lead to the very love you’re searching for.
Final Thoughts
I’ve found that unrequited love can be a symptom of something else that’s going on in your life—like another need you’re not meeting. Because if your life is fun and fulfilling, you don’t really have time to waste pining for someone who either doesn’t see you at all or doesn’t see you that way.
So, if you’re dealing with unrequited love at work, you might want to take time to figure out what else in your life might not be the way you would like it to be. And then you can work on taking steps to change it. Doing that in itself might be all you need to move on from this crush—even if it simply means finding the courage to ask this person out (if that’s allowed where you work).
Now it’s your turn. What do you think unrequited love for a coworker might be telling someone?
~ Ashley C.