Why Would Someone Seem to Like You But Reject Your Offer for Romance?

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

Love is rarely simple. It’s possible for someone to show signs that they like you, only to reject your efforts to start a romantic relationship with them. If you’re wondering why this might be the case, in this post I offer five possible reasons.

5 Reasons Someone Might Seem to Like You But Reject Your Offer for Romance

1. They only see you as a friend.

   If you like someone, it’s possible you’ve looked for signs that your crush likes you back. And it’s possible those signs have led you to conclude that your crush does like you back. But unless they actually tell you that they like you, you’re basing your conclusions off their behavior toward you. You still don’t know how they really feel about you.
   
   Sometimes you may actually get it right and they may, in fact, like you back. But sometimes they may seem to like you, when really, they only see you as a friend.
   
   For example, there are some very kind people in this world. Sometimes their kindness can be perceived as romantic interest when it’s really just the way they are naturally. This is one of the lessons I learned from unrequited love. If you try to pursue a romantic relationship with someone who is very kind toward you but only sees you as a friend, most likely they’ll reject your offer.
   
   There are also people who don’t seem to mind playing with other people’s emotions. Leading someone on is a way of seeming to like someone without actually feeling any romantic feelings for them. Sorry to say, but if someone is leading you on, it’s unlikely they’ll accept your offer for romance even if your feelings for them are genuine.

2. They’re having a head and heart conflict.

   Sometimes people can feel in their heart that they want something, only for their head to get in the way and try to convince them why it isn’t right for them. It’s possible you’ve even experienced this yourself. If you like someone who seems to like you but turns down your offer to become more than friends, it’s possible that they do want to become more, but their head is convincing them it’s not a good idea.
   
   Maybe they know that the two of you are good friends and they don’t want to ruin the friendship. Maybe they feel like you two are too different to be compatible in a romantic setting.
   
   Maybe they feel like their friends and family won’t approve of the relationship. Maybe you don’t fit the image they had in their mind of what their ideal partner would look or be like—for instance, maybe you have a different appearance or are of a different age, social status, or profession than they imagined.
   
   To find out whether it’s a head and heart conflict that’s causing this person’s hesitancy, you should probably ask them why they’re hesitant to accept your offer to become more than friends. And if it sounds like they’re having a head and heart conflict, try to convince them to listen to their heart in this matter, not their head. (For the record, I don’t think the head should ever be consulted in matters of the heart.)

3. They’re not ready for a relationship.

   Not being ready for a relationship could mean not yet being mature enough to handle a relationship. But it could also mean that someone has never dated before and they don’t feel ready for the dating experience. They’re not sure what it entails really, and maybe they would like to do some research on how to be a good partner. Or maybe they would like to learn more about dating etiquette.
   
   When it comes down to it, though, no one is ever going to be completely ready for something they’ve never experienced before. Even if someone has had other relationships, every relationship is different because every person is different. So, every relationship is going to be a new experience, and there’s no way to prepare for every possibility that might come up. When it comes to love, you really have to just dive in head first and hope for the best.
   
   Still, I do believe that people might want to consider their maturity level before entering a romantic relationship. If someone doesn’t feel ready to commit to one person, this might not be the time for them to be looking for a partner.
   
   But if someone is willing to commit but feels a lack of maturity in other areas, you should give them the time and space they need to mature. But also keep in mind that sometimes relationships can help people mature.

4. They don’t want a relationship.

   Not everyone wants all the responsibilities that come with being in a relationship. Some people actually prefer being single. This doesn’t mean they never feel romantic feelings for other people. It just means that, when they consider trading the independence they have as a single person for being in a relationship, they would rather stay single.
   
   Some people would rather always stay single, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But some people may just prefer to be single right now for some reason. Maybe they’re very focused on their career. Or maybe they’re just really busy with other stuff right now. If someone isn’t willing to dedicate time to a relationship, they won’t be able to accept someone’s offer for romance even if they like the idea of having a partner.
   
   There’s little you can do if someone doesn’t ever want a relationship. But if someone would rather stay single now for other reasons, it’s possible you may be able to convince them that there is room in their life for someone else. It’s possible you can convince them that having a relationship is something worth making the time for.

5. They’re scared of love.

   Many things can make people afraid of love or of falling in love. In this post, I talk about why people of the INFJ personality type might be scared of love, but many of those reasons could apply to anyone.
   
   For instance, if someone has been hurt in relationships before, they may be afraid of entering a new relationship because they don’t want to get hurt again. Or else maybe they’ve seen other people get hurt in relationships and they don’t want to go through that.
   
   It can be hard for some people to hide their romantic feelings for someone else. So, even someone who’s scared of love may show romantic interest in someone. But even if they feel those feelings, they may be reluctant to act on them because of fear.
   
   If you think this might be the reason someone is rejecting your offer for romance, my best advice would be to take things slow with them. Show them that they can trust you with their heart. If you make them feel safe with you—physically and emotionally—they might be more willing to let their guard down and open their heart to you. But be patient as they do this.

Final Thoughts

I hope now you have a better idea of why someone might seem to like you but reject your offer to become more than friends. And I hope you have a better idea of what you can do in each of the situations I just presented. Ultimately, though, if you feel a relationship with someone is worth pursuing, I think you owe it to both yourself and the other person to do whatever it takes to give it a try.

Now I turn it to you. Why do you think someone would seem to like someone else but reject their offer for romance?

~ Ashley C.