How Do You Get Over the Fear of Confessing Your Love to Someone?

Photo by Alisa Anton on Unsplash

“I love you.” Three simple words that have the potential to strike fear in even the bravest of us—when we have to utter them ourselves, that is. But love confessions can lead to beautiful love stories. This means that if we want beautiful love stories, one way or another, we have to find the courage to confess our feelings to the one we love.

So, if you’re wondering how to overcome the fear of confessing your love to your crush, here I offer five suggestions.

5 Ways to Overcome the Fear of Confessing Your Love to Your Crush

1. Pinpoint what it is you’re afraid of.

   Sometimes, when you’re afraid of something, it helps to identify exactly what it is you’re afraid of, rather than having this vague sense of “fear.” If you would like an idea of the kinds of things that could be making you scared to confess your feelings, this post might be helpful. Then, once you know what you’re afraid of, you can ask yourself why it’s making you so scared and what you can do about it.
   
   For example, maybe you’re afraid of confessing because you don’t want to ruin the friendship you have with this person. After all, why would you want to risk ruining something that’s already fine as it is? But if you really believed that you and your crush are better as friends, I don’t think you would even be considering confessing your feelings to them.
   
   The fact that you want to confess says you’re curious to know if you two could become more. In that case, isn’t the greater risk never finding out?
   
   Or maybe you fear rejection, which is a fear many people share. In that case you can ask yourself, why do you fear rejection? Often the cause is low self-esteem or low self-confidence. In that case, you can ask yourself why your self-esteem or self-confidence is so low, and you might want to work on building them up before confessing.
   
   Identifying whatever it is that’s making you afraid to confess can actually help you find the courage to do so.

2. Decide how you’ll confess.

   How you choose to confess your feelings to your crush will help you determine the kind of preparation you should do beforehand (more on that in #3). But before you choose your medium, you might want to consider that some ways of confessing require much more courage than others.
   
   For example, an in-person confession requires more courage than a texted love confession. But an in-person confession is also more likely to be followed by some kind of response. Personally, I’m a huge fan of confessing your love in a letter, but that should be reserved for someone you know will appreciate a nice letter (or email).
   
   It’s also important to keep in mind your crush’s preferred communication method. If you want them to respond, it’s best to use a method you know they often respond to. In sum, try to aim for the method that you feel most comfortable with—the one you have or can find the courage for—and that you know your crush will appreciate.

3. Practice your confession.

   Rehearsal isn’t only for speeches and performances. In fact, I believe in rehearsing anything that you would consider high stakes or anything that has the potential to make you more nervous than usual. A love confession could definitely fall into both categories.
   
   If you have a really good friend who wouldn’t mind hearing you tell them “I like you” or “I love you” over and over again, then feel free to rehearse in front of them. You can even have them play the role of your crush. But you might actually prefer to practice on your own, where no one else can judge you.
   
   Of course, if you practice alone, you won’t get the feel of reacting to someone else’s reaction. But you can always imagine it. Practicing is ideal for in-person confessions, along with confessions made over the phone or through a video call. If you choose to confess to your crush in a letter, I would suggest drafting it before you write the official letter you send them.
   
   In my opinion, texted love confessions require the least practice, although you’ll probably still want to take a few deep breaths before you send that “I like you” text. (You can always practice typing “I like you,” but I would advise you not do that in a conversation with your crush. Even if you don’t mean to push Send, things can happen.)

4. Weigh the pros and cons of confessing.

   Pro and con lists can be useful when deciding to do anything that’s very important to you. If you’re having trouble finding the courage to confess, go ahead and write out what you consider to be the pros and cons of confessing.
   
   For pros you can put things like, “I’ll find out if they like me” or “I can finally get the weight of my feelings off my chest.” For cons you can say things like, “They might say they just want to be friends” or “I’m going way outside my comfort zone.” (Actually, depending on how you look at it, going outside your comfort zone could be a pro or a con.)
   
   You might even want to consider whether now is the right time for you to confess. In this post, I go more into when is the right time for you to confess your feelings to your crush. But basically, if you feel you know this person well, go ahead and confess whenever you’re ready. But if you don’t know them well, you might want to try dating or getting to know them better somehow before you tell them you like them.
   
   Either way, after you’ve made your list, if you find that the pros outweigh the cons, let that give you courage to say how you feel. But if you find that the cons have more weight, you might want to reconsider if now is the best time to confess. Also keep in mind, though, that some pros and cons can be weightier than others. So, for instance, one pro that means a lot to you can be worth double, and the same goes for the cons.

5. Don’t take your confession too seriously.

   I know from firsthand experience that we often make ourselves nervous because we take things too seriously. I think there are times to be serious, but sometimes we make everything out to be that way.
   
   Before you confess, really try to get it into your system that the world will not end if this person doesn’t feel the same way about you. I promise, you will not fade into oblivion if this person only sees you as a friend. Yes, if they are a good friend, you might have to deal with some awkwardness after you confess. And, yes, if they don’t feel the same way, the rejection might sting a little.
   
   But just know that even if they say they don’t see you that way, they’re not rejecting you as a person. They’re just saying they don’t see you as a potential romantic partner for them right now. But no matter what they say, your value will remain unchanged. You will still be you.
   
   So, go ahead. Take a risk. Tell your crush how you feel. And don’t take this too seriously. Even if this person doesn’t reciprocate, you’ll have other opportunities for love in the future. And don’t forget that your crush could end up telling you they like you back.

Final Thoughts

I think confessing your feelings for someone is always going to feel a little like the emotional equivalent of jumping off a cliff. But if you have feelings for someone and you want to let them know, there’s only one way to do that. You have to confess.

I hope the advice in this post helps you find the courage to do that. Really, though, what it comes down to is you finding the best way to confess and then confessing. The rest is in your crush’s hands.

Now it’s your turn. How do you suggest people overcome the fear of confessing their feelings to their crush?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: January 29, 2024