What Should You Do When You Miss the Person Who Ghosted You?

Photo by Alessio Lin on Unsplash

Have you ever been ghosted? I have. And as I’m sure anyone who has been ghosted can attest, it’s not a fun experience. (If you’re not sure what ghosting is, it’s essentially when someone disappears from another person’s life without warning.)

I don’t know about you, but I’m not the type of person who feels shallow emotions. If I sense that I had a real connection with someone who suddenly disappeared, it’s very hard for me to just move on. This is true whether that person was just a friend or a potential romantic partner.

I’m also not known to give up hope easily. So, even after the time has passed after which some people might consider themselves “ghosted,” I’m more than capable of holding on—of hoping today will be the day this person finally replies or reaches out.

If your feelings for someone who ghosted you don’t run deep, you might not have a problem moving on or letting go of the relationship. But if you’re like me, letting go doesn’t come so easily—especially since it is possible this person will reach out again. And as you wait for that to happen, it’s only logical to miss them.

If you’re someone who’s currently missing the person who ghosted you, here’s my advice on what you should do.

5 Things You Can Do When You Miss the Person Who Ghosted You

1. Don’t play the worst-case-scenario game.

   If you were getting along well with someone who suddenly stopped responding to your texts or other efforts to reach out, don’t panic. It’s very easy to get lost in imagining all sorts of catastrophic things that could have happened to prevent them from responding to you. Usually, though, those are just fears created by the mind.
   
   Even the fear that you might have offended this person is usually false. If you two had a real connection and they abruptly stopped responding to you, this may be considered “ghosting” by some definitions, but it could just be that they’re dealing with something and aren’t in a position to respond.
   
   I know that you may want to talk to them more in that case, to comfort them or reassure them or help them with what they’re going through. But it might actually be better to just give them some time and space. If they need help, let them reach out to you.
   
   I would only suggest this, though, if we’re talking about a friend who ghosted you and if your relationship with them was healthy up until their disappearance. But if we’re talking about a romantic partner or a potential one, you still don’t need to waste any time thinking up catastrophic things that might have happened to keep them from responding.
   
   Most likely—sorry to say!—they weren’t feeling the relationship and this is their not-so-polite way of ending things. The best you can do in a case like this, or if your relationship with this person was unhealthy, is to find a way to move on.

2. Stay busy.

   While you’re waiting for this person’s potential return, focus on your own life. Stay busy doing things you enjoy. If your life isn’t very activity-packed these days, find ways to occupy your time. Learn a language or a new skill. Take a class. Learn to cook or try some new recipes. And spend time enjoying the other relationships you have.
   
   If you don’t currently have many relationships to enjoy, doing things that involve other people might be a great way to start forming new relationships. But if you prefer more solo activities, there’s no harm in focusing on those, especially if you’re not ready to connect with other people just yet. Just know that if this special person does come back, you’ll have much more to talk about with them if you stay busy doing things that make you happy.
   
   If, however, it’s actually better that this person is no longer in your life, staying busy is still a great distraction as you move on from them. This would be the case if this person was a romantic partner or potential one. And if they were someone who caused you pain, then you’re definitely better off with them walking away. Yes, there will be times when you still miss them, but staying busy will make it so those times don’t come as often.

3. Use art to let out your emotions.

   I find art to be a great way to release the weight of strong emotions. Art has helped me move on from all kinds of heartbreak, including the heartbreak from ghosting. If you’re missing someone who ghosted you right now, put those emotions into a story or a poem or a song or a painting. Find some creative outlet for them.
   
   In my experience, when you put your emotions into art, they don’t tend to be as heavy. It’s like you seal them into the art you create so you don’t have to walk around with their full weight anymore. They may not vanish completely, though. But if you combine this suggestion with the others on this list, you’ll find it easier to carry on with your life even if you can’t see or talk to the person you’re missing right now.

4. If you can, reach out every once in a while.

   If this person hasn’t actively blocked your efforts to reach out to them, it’s possible they don’t want to cut off all contact with you. Maybe they just got really busy or maybe, like I mentioned in #1, they’re dealing with something.
   
   If you send them constant messages, that will probably annoy or anger them, which will decrease the chance that they’ll reach out again. Instead, just sending them a quick message every now and then will let them know that you’re still thinking about them and that you’re still open to future communication. And if you sense that they are dealing with something, you can use that quick message to let them know you’re here to help if they need it.
   
   As with #1, I would only suggest this if we’re talking about a good friend. If we’re talking about a romantic partner or potential one, it’s better for you to move on so you can free yourself to love someone new. And that means it’s probably better for you not to reach out anymore, except maybe to say goodbye.
   
   And if we’re talking about someone who caused you pain, it’s definitely better for you not to reach out anymore. And whether or not they blocked you, it’s also better for them never to try reconnecting with you.
   
   I know it might be hard to hear that when the wound is fresh. I know you would love nothing more than to talk to them just one more time, to clear the air and figure out what happened. But in a case like this, it’s actually better for you that they disappeared. Disconnecting from them is essential for your healing.

5. If you can, cherish the memories you have.

   Again, if we’re not talking about someone who caused you pain, most likely you have many fond memories of this person you miss. Most likely, you enjoyed many lively or interesting chats or shared many pleasant encounters.
   
   While you wait for this person to reconnect with you, cherish those memories. Re-read those chats. Revisit those pleasant encounters in your mind. But try not to let them make you sad as you wonder whether you’ll enjoy similar chats and encounters with this person again. Try to just focus on the good feelings you have as you remember.
   
   It is possible, though, that you’re missing someone who wasn’t the best person for you. Maybe they didn’t treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve. Maybe they didn’t always make you feel loved. But maybe they did know how to make you laugh. Or maybe they knew how to make you feel special.
   
   I know what it’s like to miss someone you know wasn’t good for you. I know what it’s like to get lost in the good memories and forget any pain or discomfort you may have overlooked while the relationship was ongoing. Instead of cherishing the pleasant memories you shared, try to focus on the relief you’re feeling now that this person is no longer in your life.
   
   You might have to look deep to find that relief because your mind is probably replaying and dwelling on all the pleasant encounters or chats you shared. And, of course, you’re longing to experience them again. But if you can, try to refocus your mind whenever those memories pop up. Try to spend more time focusing on your own value and recognizing why this person wasn’t the best person to have in your life.
   
   It might also help if you take inventory of this person’s not-so-good qualities or habits so you can watch out for them in the future. And if this person who ghosted you does reach out to you again, make sure you have firm boundaries in place.

Final Thoughts

It’s never easy to miss talking to someone or being with someone who suddenly disappeared. But if the person who ghosted you hasn’t cut off all communication, it is possible that they will reach out to you again. (That’s also possible even if they did cut off all communication, but probably less likely.) And if this person adds to your life, I hope you can reconnect with them soon.

If, however, the person you’re missing only caused pain and heartache, you’ll need time to heal. The same is true if this was someone you were hoping to connect with romantically or someone you actually dated. Take all the time you need to heal in these cases, which includes having all the good cries you need to.

But after you heal, whenever you’re ready, don’t be afraid to open yourself to new, healthy relationships. While there is always a risk of being ghosted when meeting new people—especially online—you’re guaranteed to never find new relationships that make you happy if you never open your heart again.

Now it’s your turn. What would you suggest someone do if they miss the person who ghosted them? Let me know in the comments.

~ Ashley C.