What Should You Say to a Crush Who Moved—And Took Your Heart With Them?

Photo by Maja Vujic on Unsplash

Some people have crushes that stay in their lives for a long time—sometimes long enough for a romantic relationship to form. But some people have crushes who move away. I talk about my own experience with this in this post.

If you’ve had this experience, before this person left, you may or may not have confessed your feelings to them. And you may or may not have found out how they feel about you. But regardless of the circumstances, it doesn’t change the fact that if you had real feelings for this person, you most likely feel that a part of you left when they did.

If you have the ability to reach out to a crush who moved, you may still have some things you want to tell them. You can do that in writing, like in a letter or an email, or in a phone or video call. You could also text them how you feel, but I think it can be hard to convey the depth of your feelings in short-form writing like that. Personally, I prefer long-form writing for expressing this kind of information, but you should choose the medium you think your crush will most appreciate.

Now, here’s some advice on what you can say to a crush who moved.

5 Things You Can Say to a Crush Who Moved Away

1. If you didn’t tell them how you feel, tell them.

   If you never confessed your feelings to this person, make sure you do that now. Just because they moved, that doesn’t mean they don’t want to know how you feel about them. And even if they never confessed to having feelings for you, it doesn’t mean they weren’t there.
   
   Maybe you two had a really good friendship and they didn’t want to ruin it. Maybe you didn’t confess for the same reason. But now that your friend and crush has moved, you’ll add a “what if” to your list if you don’t tell them how you feel. So, tell them.
   
   It’s also possible that you did tell them you like them, but you didn’t really say everything you feel. In that case, instead of just writing, “I like you” or “I love you,” make sure you elaborate on what that means. You could add something like, “I’ve loved you for a long time” or “Just seeing you used to brighten my day. Now all my days are dull.” I’m including a sample letter toward the end of this post so you have a better idea of what I mean. But all I can say now is, don’t hold back.
   
   And if you need any help writing a confession letter to your crush, you can check out this post. And this post can help you make it shine.

2. Tell them what it is you value about them.

   People aren’t always aware when they’re precious in the eyes of someone else. And people don’t always express to those they care about just how much they care. If you didn’t tell your crush just how much they mean to you before they left, now is the time to tell them. If seeing them makes you smile, tell them that. If being around them makes you happy, tell them that.
   
   As I mentioned in #1, even if they know you like them, they may not know how much. They may even think what you feel is a fleeting emotion that will pass in time. In fact, if they said they didn’t feel the same way, it’s possible they said that because they didn’t want to burden you with a long-distance relationship. There’s no guarantee that that’s the case, of course. They really could just see you as a friend. But it’s possible they do have feelings for you, but they didn’t see the point in exploring them because of the distance.
   
   Just so you know, long-distance relationships can work. And it’s possible that your crush has only moved temporarily, like for school or work. If you start a long-distance romance, you might be able to enjoy an in-person romance together someday. And even if their move was intended to be permanent, if they understand the depth of your feelings, they may consider coming back. Or you might find the courage to join them.

3. Tell them what you would tell other people close to you about them.

   Sometimes we make things more complicated than they have to be. Sometimes we think we don’t have the words for something, but for some reason, when we’re telling someone who’s not involved, the words flow out of us naturally.
   
   If you find yourself struggling to find the words to tell your crush who moved, consider what you may have told your friends about the situation, or anyone else you’ve confided in. Or if you haven’t told anyone about how you’re feeling—or at least not anything more than you already told your crush—maybe you’ve journaled about it. In that case, tell them what you wrote in your journal. (You don’t have to tell them you wrote about them there, though.)
   
   Or maybe you can start journaling about it if that’s not currently one of your habits. And then you can do the equivalent of ripping out your journal entry and sending it to them. Why not just lay it all out there?
   
   But I have to add that you really should only do something like this with a good friend or someone you trust with such raw emotions. And feel free to leave out anything too intense or anything you genuinely don’t want them to know or aren’t ready for them to know.

4. Tell them you wish they hadn’t left.

   People like to be valued and appreciated. When you miss someone, it means they meant something to you. It means they left an imprint on you, usually on your heart. Tell your crush this. And don’t underestimate how powerful the words “I miss you” can be.
   
   And while you’re talking about missing them, tell them what you miss most about them. Is it the way they laugh? Is it the way they make you laugh? Is it their deep thoughts about life and other subjects? Is it the warmth of their spirit? Tell them exactly what it is you miss and why you wish they were still here. Nothing warms a person’s heart like being missed.

5. Tell them what you would like them to do.

   If you confessed your feelings to them (see #1), tell them you would like to know if they feel the same way. You can even tell them it’s ok if they don’t feel the same way to take some of the pressure off them. But tell them you don’t want to leave things open.
   
   Alternately, if you are sincerely ok with them not sharing how they feel and you just want to let your emotions out, you can tell them you don’t expect a response to your confession. But you could still ask for a response to your letter if you write one.
   
   And if you would really like to stay in touch, tell them that. And tell them what that looks like to you. Is it a text or online message every now and then? Is a letter every week or every few months? Is it a phone call every other day? Tell them what you would like, and then ask how they feel about it. And if they’re not in total agreement, maybe you can work out an arrangement that works for both of you.

Sample Letter

If you’re writing a letter or an email and would like an idea of what it could look like, here’s a sample. My hope is that it serves as inspiration for you, even if you’re communicating to them through a call. Just remember that the best letters are those written from the heart.

Dear Frank,

Today will be one week since you moved away. I try not to think about the distance between us. I try to tell myself we can still keep in touch and that we’ll always be friends. But there’s something I really need to tell you.

You already know how I feel about you. But I don’t think I ever told you how deep my feelings for you go. I don’t think I could have anyway because it was only after you left that I realized how much I love you. Let me paint you a picture of what it’s like for me now that you’re gone.

The sunlight is dull. Food tastes bland. It’s like life has lost its spice, its flavor. I miss our long conversations. I miss going hiking together. I miss just spending time with you. It makes me sad every time I think about all the stuff we used to do that we can’t do anymore because of the distance.

I don’t expect you to feel the same way about me, but if you do, please let me know as soon as you can. Or at least send me some kind of response so I have an idea of where you stand. And if we could exchange a letter every now and then, that would be great. Let me know what you think.

Wishing you were here,
Opal

Final Thoughts

I do have to add some words of caution here. Even if you send your crush this letter, if they didn’t feel anything for you before, there’s no guarantee that your letter will change anything. But at the very least, you’ll have gotten out everything you needed to say. And, again, if you are going to share some very raw emotions, you should make sure you’re talking to someone who will care to hear them and who won’t use that kind of thing against you.

But if you’re talking to someone you trust, someone who can handle intense emotions, and someone who you know to be a good-hearted person, I say don’t hold anything back.

Now I turn it to you. If you have or had a crush who moved, what would you like to say to them?

~ Ashley C.

P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!

Last updated: June 7, 2024