5 Things INFJs Might Want You to Know (But Might Not Tell You)

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INFJs aren’t always vocal about their needs. But there are actually many things that could be on their mind that they don’t talk about out loud. This could stem from a desire to avoid conflict or inconveniencing anyone, but it could also be because they actually don’t know how to say what they need or want to say.

To help you out, here are a few things an INFJ might want you to know but might not be willing to tell you.

5 Things an INFJ Might Want You to Know

1. They need alone time.

   Although an INFJ may desperately need alone time, they might not tell you about it for any number of reasons. Maybe they don’t want you to feel neglected. Maybe they don’t want to bother you by asking for it. Maybe they feel guilty asking for it. But since alone time is one of their needs, if they haven’t gotten enough of it for some time, they’re bound to start showing signs.
   
   For instance, they may be withdrawing more than usual. Or you may notice that they’re not being as animated as they usually are. If you sense that your INFJ needs some time alone, you might want to either encourage them to get it or help them get it. And if you do, they’ll most likely be very grateful.

2. You’re doing something that bothers them.

   If there’s a behavior that you tend to repeat over and over and it bothers your INFJ, like with asking for alone time, they may stay silent about it. But their annoyance might still present itself in other ways.
   
   This is why you might want to get in the habit of watching their body language when they’re around you. Their actions will often say far more than their words do. Or if they start interacting with you less than they used to—for instance, if they start texting you less or spending less time with you—that could also be a clue that something you’re doing is bothering them.
   
   If you sense this is the case, you’ll probably want to have a good heart-to-heart conversation about what’s going on. Hopefully some good, honest, nonjudgmental communication is all you need to get back on track. And for some guidance on how to encourage an INFJ to speak up when something is bothering them, you can check out this post.

3. They don’t feel comfortable being open with you.

   INFJs might maintain friendships with people where the conversation doesn’t go much farther than the superficial. But if an INFJ is to have a deep relationship with someone, they have to feel comfortable going deep and being vulnerable with this person.
   
   If an INFJ listens to you but doesn’t talk much, that could be a sign that they don’t feel comfortable going deep with you. It could also happen that you and your INFJ used to have a relationship where they shared all sorts of intimate details, but then they stopped.
   
   In that case, it’s possible that you did or said something to make them feel less comfortable being so open. Or it could also just be that they’re dealing with some things right now and, for whatever reason, they don’t feel comfortable sharing. The bottom line is that if an INFJ isn’t being open with you, for one reason or another, they probably don’t feel safe doing so.
   
   But if you would like to have a deep relationship with them, make sure they know it is safe for them to be open with you, whenever they’re ready.

4. They want you to make the first move.

   INFJs can have a hard time finding the courage to make the first move in a relationship. This could mean just asking a friend to get coffee or asking out a potential romantic partner.
   
   Part of this is because INFJs are very considerate of others’ time and feelings. They don’t want to bother anyone if they’re not sure that other person is interested in coffee or a date. But it’s also because INFJs can overthink even the simplest of things. So, it may take them a long time to decide when and how to approach this person. That’s why I advise people wondering whether to text an INFJ first to go ahead and do that.
   
   But making the first move isn’t just about starting a relationship. It’s also about resuming a relationship or starting a new one if the first one ended. INFJs would greatly appreciate someone else being the first to attempt a reconciliation. They would also appreciate receiving a text or an email from a friend they haven’t heard from in a long time. It would take a lot of pressure off them.
   
   After all, they don’t know if that friend would want to hear from them or if they would even have time for a conversation, and what would they talk about anyway? That friend is probably very busy with their own friends and their own life, so it’s just better to wait for them to reach out first. At least, that’s what an INFJ’s inner monologue might tell them.

5. They miss you.

   If an INFJ has managed to form a deep relationship with someone, most likely the INFJ will never forget that person. INFJs don’t tend to move on the way other people do. If we’re talking about someone an INFJ has loved romantically, for instance, it’s likely that the INFJ will always love them in one way or another. And whether the person an INFJ misses is a friend or romantic partner, their longing for them will be real for a long time.
   
   Maybe your INFJ isn’t actively in your life right now. But even if they’re not reaching out to you, if you share or shared a deep connection, you should know that they miss you.

Final Thoughts

People in general rarely say what they really mean. This is one reason clear communication is so crucial for healthy relationships. People have to learn ways to communicate what they really want to say. INFJs are no exception to this.

While every INFJ will have their own things that they want others to know but might not say, I hope this list gives you an idea of what kinds of things might be on their list. At the end of the day, though, if you put the necessary energy and effort into your relationship with an INFJ, they will most likely tell you all you need to know.

Now I turn it to you. Is there anything you think an INFJ might want you to know but might not tell you?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: September 22, 2023