Should You Text an INFJ First?

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The texting first game can only have one of two outcomes: either someone works up the nerve to text the other person first or both think the other should text first and no texts are exchanged.

We want to avoid the second outcome at all costs.

As a result, I have only one answer to the question, “Should I text an INFJ first?” Yes. The answer is yes. And here’s why.

4 Reasons You Should Text an INFJ First

1. INFJs can be shy.

   If you’re thinking about texting a shy INFJ, you’ll relieve them of tremendous pressure if you text them first. People who are shy are very self-conscious. They fear rejection more than most and that makes them reluctant to attempt anything that might result in rejection. Sending a first text definitely qualifies.
   
   If you text a shy INFJ first, you’re telling them you were thinking about them. You’re telling them that they matter to you. You’re telling them they don’t have to worry—you are interested in them and in talking to them. All of this would be a relief for an INFJ to know, especially a shy one.

2. INFJs can easily overthink things.

   Since we INFJs spend so much time in our heads, we have a tendency to overthink and overanalyze. We might actually consider sending someone a first text, but then we’re afraid it’s not the right time. Or we’re afraid they’re not really interested in us or in what we have to say.
   
   Or we’re afraid they have other more interesting people to talk to or more interesting things to do. Or we’re afraid they were just being nice when they asked to exchange numbers.
   
   So, maybe we’ll eventually send them a text, but not right now. Maybe tonight. Or tomorrow. Yes, definitely tomorrow. Or next week. Or next year. Or maybe we’ll just pretend we lost their number.
   
   If you want to shake an INFJ out of this overthinking spiral, just text them first.

3. INFJs want to know you’re as interested in them as they are in you.

   This article from Introvert, Dear talks about how INFJs can be afraid to make the first move in a relationship. We’d rather wait until the other person shows interest so we know this is something they want as much as we do.
   
   Unless, of course, we’re talking about INFJs who fall in love easily. These INFJs will willingly send a first text. But if they have repeated bad experiences after being the one to initiate contact, they may become unwilling to text first anymore. They may want to just wait for the other person to show that they’re interested.
   
   Thus, in either case, sending a first text will convey the message that you like this INFJ and are interested in keeping in touch with them. That will brighten any INFJ’s day.

4. You shouldn’t wait to see how far your relationship can go.

   This one applies to everyone. If you’re wondering whether or not you should make the first move in life, the answer is always going to be yes if it’s something you consider worth taking a chance on.
   
   If there’s someone you like and you’d like to get to know them better, don’t wait to get to know them better. Don’t overthink who should be the first one to initiate contact or send a text. Be bold. Take that first step. Life is too short to live with regrets.

Now that you know why you should send an INFJ that first text, go ahead and send it. And in case you wanted a few ideas of what that text should say, here are four texts you might want to send an INFJ after the initial greeting of “Hi,” “Hello,” “Hey,” or whatever you prefer.

4 Initial Texts to Send an INFJ

1. “How are you?”

   Simple but thoughtful. This question, if asked with genuine interest in the response, lets an INFJ know that you care about their wellbeing. Just remember that if you ask it and your INFJ trusts you, be prepared for them to tell you if something is actually bothering them.
   
   And be prepared to listen, only making suggestions about possible solutions if they ask for them. It’s very likely that they just want to share their problems with someone and aren’t actually asking for advice. If that’s the case, just let them know that you hear them and are there for them.

2. “How was your day?”/ “How has your day been so far?”

   Again, a simple inquiry, but one that shows interest in the daily ongoings of your INFJ’s life. INFJs want to know that you care about them, and this is one of those questions that tells them that.

3. “What were you thinking about before I texted you?”

   This question lets an INFJ know that you understand some of their complexities. You know their mind is always turning over some new idea or unique perspective. If you text them this, it lets them know you’re interested in what they think and want to hear about it. Few things will endear you to an INFJ faster.

4. “I was just thinking about you.”

   This is a flirtier text that should only be reserved for relationships that are already on the flirtier side. At the very least, you and your INFJ should be more than just acquaintances. If an INFJ already likes you and receives this text from you, it will warm their heart and make them smile.
   
   But if they still only see you as a friend, it might make them uncomfortable. So, be careful with this one. Even if you send a more neutral text, it already lets them know you were thinking about them.

Now I turn it to you. Do you think someone should text an INFJ first? Or have you sent an INFJ a first text? How did it go? Let me know in the comments.

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: January 29, 2024