Why Is an INFJ Texting Me Less?

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Even if you think you have a good texting relationship going with the INFJ in your life, you may one day find that they stop texting you as much as they used to. If you’re in the dark as to why, here are five reasons you might want to consider.

5 Reasons an INFJ Would Text Someone Less

1. They’re bored of your conversation.

   INFJs can only do small talk for so long. Even though they may not have the depth in their texting conversations that they do in their in-person conversations, they would still like to talk about more than just the weather and sports—although these topics definitely have their place.
   
   But they want to talk more about the meaning of life and why people do what they do. They want to discuss different perspectives and philosophies. They want to go deep. If you’ve been texting an INFJ and you haven’t been going deep in your conversations, there’s a good chance that’s why they’re texting you less.

2. They’re really busy.

   INFJs can be busy people. While some lead very quiet lives, others are constantly supporting one cause or another, which can lead them to have full schedules. This can also happen if they’re entrepreneurs trying to get a business started or keep a business going.
   
   Entrepreneurship is actually a great career option for INFJs because of all the autonomy it offers. But like all entrepreneurs, INFJs have to watch out for burnout. In fact, because of INFJs’ people-pleasing and self-neglecting tendencies, all INFJs have to watch out for burnout.
   
   This means that, even with a busy schedule, INFJs need their downtime and alone time to relax, decompress, and recharge. For this to be at all restorative, they probably won’t be texting you during these moments. So, between juggling work and rest, there are few moments leftover to send you a text.
   
   They’ll still respond when they can, especially if they like you as more than a friend. But they may not be able to respond as often as you would like.

3. They don’t feel like you’re really listening.

   INFJs can tell when someone isn’t listening to them. If they tell you things that you don’t make comments about or otherwise seem to ignore, they’ll probably start to feel like you don’t really want to hear what they have to say. And because INFJs are used to not being heard, they’ll only tolerate this non-listening for so long.
   
   They may be responding to you still because you say interesting things, but they’re probably not contributing their own stuff as much. And their responses are probably shorter and less detailed than they used to be. This means they no longer find your text conversations to be a safe space.
   
   One of the best ways to make an INFJ feel better about your conversations is to listen to them. If you’re not listening to them, then they’re not happy—or at least not as happy as they need to be to text you more. If you would like to have longer, more detailed conversations with your INFJ, make sure you really listen to them and comment thoughtfully on what they share.

4. They don’t feel you want to talk about what they want to talk about.

   An INFJ will willingly engage you in a conversation about the topics that matter most to you. But they’ll also hope that you’ll return the favor and be willing to discuss what matters to them.
   
   If they find that you’re constantly focusing on you or steering the conversation away from their favorite topics—or toward their least favorite ones—they’ll slowly lose interest in continuing the conversation. This means they’ll be texting you less.
   
   All conversations should be a two-way street. If you’re talking too much about you or only what matters to you, your conversation becomes a monologue and an INFJ will see their role as to do nothing more than listen and agree with you or play therapist as you tell them your troubles. (This is a role we often find ourselves in with friends, family, and the occasional stranger.)
   
   If you would like to see them respond more frequently, try steering the conversation toward them and what interests them. And if you don’t know what that is, just ask and then really listen when they respond (see #3).

5. You said something that made them uncomfortable.

   If an INFJ is still texting you, they still want you to be part of their life in some way. Either that, or they’re just responding out of a sense of obligation. But if they’re not texting you as much as they once did or giving less-detailed responses, it’s possible you said something that either offended them or made them uncomfortable.
   
   You didn’t make them uncomfortable enough to stop texting you. But, like with #3, you made them feel like your text conversations are no longer a safe space. With #3, it’s what you didn’t say that caused an INFJ to text less. Here, it’s because of something you did say.
   
   Maybe you questioned one of their values. Maybe you said something that made them feel you’re not being authentic. Maybe you made a joke about something they take seriously. If you think it’s possible that something you said has prompted your INFJ to text you less, you might want to ask them about it. And if they admit that you did say something to make them uncomfortable, apologize as sincerely as you can.

What to Take Away

The above reasons may actually prompt an INFJ to stop responding to texts altogether. So, if they’re still texting you, it’s a sign that they don’t want to shut you out completely. But they may be leaning towards that.

If you want to keep your texting relationship going, try to avoid the above behaviors that apply to you. Keep the conversation interesting. Really listen and respond to what they say. Talk about the topics that you can tell are important to them. And apologize if you offended them. All of these behaviors will help an INFJ know that you care and that it’s safe to talk to you.

But if being busy is why your INFJ is texting you less, you might just have to wait until they’re less busy for them to have more time to text you. Or, if you’re just a friend right now but you’d like to be more, becoming more would definitely encourage them to dedicate more time to your texting conversations.

If this is something you’re considering and you’re just trying to figure out the best way to tell your INFJ that you like them, this post might help.

Now it’s your turn. Why do you think INFJs would start texting someone less? Let me know in the comments.

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: September 22, 2023