How Do You Respond to a Texted Love Confession?

Photo by Ana Tavares on Unsplash

Responding to a texted love confession isn’t much different from responding to a confession made any other way. In this post, I offer advice that might be helpful for responding to any love confession. (Though the post is geared toward people of the INFJ personality type, most of the advice is good for anyone.)

But when it comes to a text confession, there are some nuances that you might want to consider before responding. I’ll address them in the following four tips.

4 Tips for Responding to a Texted Love Confession

1. RESPOND.

   I feel like I shouldn’t need to say that you should never leave any love confession unanswered, let alone a text confession. But because of the number of confessions that go unanswered every day, I find it necessary to say this.
   
   Do not, I repeat, do not neglect or forget to respond to someone who tells you they like you in a text (or by any other means). You may be tempted to not respond because you were so surprised by the confession and now find yourself speechless. In this post, I go into why love confessions can have that effect.
   
   As a result, you may not respond right away, thinking you’ll get back to the text later. But then a few minutes become a few hours, which become a few days or weeks or months. And all the while, that person’s text remains unanswered.
   
   Now, while you may continue interacting with the person who confessed, eventually you’ll feel that too much time has passed for you to say anything about the confession. And now they’re afraid to bring it up again, confused about why you didn’t respond. If you were at all friendly before, I’m sure the silence on this subject will have made things very awkward for you two.
   
   Please avoid all this by making a point to respond the same day the message is sent. Even if your response is to tell this person you need more time to process how you feel, let them know that. After you see the text, just take a moment to breathe and regain your bearings and then respond.
   
   But don’t take too long to do this. This person is going to be on edge every second that passes after they send their message, waiting for your response with bated breath. Please be merciful and at least say something if you need time to regroup. After saying, “Thank you,” here are some examples of texts you could send while you’re processing:
   
   “Wow.”
   “That was unexpected.”
   “I don’t know what to say.”
   “I didn’t see that coming.”
   
   If you text something like that, the person who confessed will still be waiting for your real answer, but at least they’ll know you read the text and are contemplating what to say next.
   
   You may also be reluctant to respond if you know you don’t feel the same way about them. If you think not responding is less cruel than hurting their feelings, think again. Leaving things open is actually more painful than being honest. So, once again, tip #1: Respond.
   
   And please make sure it’s an honest response. Don’t say you like them if you don’t or tell them you don’t like them if you do. And if you’re not sure how you feel, ask for more time to process. More on that in #3.

2. If you know how you feel, tell them right away.

   It’s really that simple. If someone finds the nerve to text the words “I like you” or “I love you,” give them an honest response if you already know how you feel. If you feel the same way, let them know. Just text “I like you, too” or “I love you, too.”
   
   If you want to get fancy and think this person will appreciate a more nontraditional response, you can go ahead and give one. But it really doesn’t take any more than “I like/love you, too.” If you have romantic feelings for this person, why wait to tell them?
   
   The same goes for when you don’t feel the same way. As mentioned in tip #1, it’s less painful for the other person to know right away that you don’t see them that way. You can say something like, “I’m sorry, but I only see you as a friend.”
   
   Yes, it will sting to this person. There’s no getting around that. But in the long-run, it will be better for them because it will allow them to begin the moving on process sooner, which will make it easier for them to open their heart to someone new.
   
   Now, of course it is possible that the person who just confessed didn’t text something as simple as “I like you.” Maybe they just poured their heart out to you in a long text that you now have to decipher and respond to. It may be a heartfelt text filled with all the feelings and emotions they’ve felt for you that they now feel compelled to share. Here’s an example:
   
   “I really don’t know how to say this, but I’m just going to say it. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ve loved you since we first met in that English class where the air conditioning was turned up abnormally high and I lent you my sweater because you were shivering and I didn’t want you to be cold. From then on, I did everything I could to be there for you, lending you things when you needed them and helping you in any way I could. But I know you’ve only seen me as a friend until now. The truth is, at night I sometimes lie awake for hours thinking about you and imagining what a relationship with you would be like. But I’ve been too scared to say anything until now. I couldn’t find the courage to say this to you in person, so I’m saying this in a text. I hope that’s ok. I love you. I just wanted you to know that.”
   
   You might want to take some more time to process before you respond to a text like that. But just to reiterate from tip #1, please respond. Just say something. You can’t leave a text like that—or any love confession for that matter—unanswered. And if you happen to know you feel the same way even after such a lengthy text, a simple “I love you, too” will still be fine as a response.
   
   But I know it will be harder to tell this person you don’t feel the same way after receiving such a text. In that case, you might want to give a lengthier thank you before letting them down.
   
   You can say something like, “I really appreciate you taking the time to write that to me. I can tell it came from your heart, and I know it probably took a lot of courage for you to say. I’m sorry to say, though, that I don’t feel that way about you.” Again, it will hurt the other person, but you’re still doing the more merciful thing by telling the truth.

3. If you don’t know how you feel, ask for more time.

   Another temptation after someone has just confessed their love to you is to tell them that you like them even if you’re not sure you feel the same way. You may just feel like you need to say something and this seems like the right move while you figure things out.
   
   It’s not that you know you don’t like them, you’re just not sure of your feelings for them. So, you may think, what’s the harm?
   
   Saying you like someone before you know how you feel isn’t really much less cruel than not responding at all. While it’s true that you should give this person some sort of response, that response doesn’t have to be reciprocation or non-reciprocation. You can just tell this person you need more time to process your feelings. You can say something like, “I’m sorry, but I need more time to process this.”
   
   This may especially be the case if someone texts you a lengthy, heartfelt confession like the example from #2. If you had no clue that confession was coming, it may take you a while to take it all in and decipher how you really feel. And that’s fine.
   
   Please don’t feel pressure to tell this person that you like them or not right away. But still say something. If you need time to process, just let them know. And if they really care about you, they’ll be willing to give you that time.
   
   But don’t make them wait forever. As soon as you know how you feel, tell them. And you don’t have to text your response if you don’t want to, but it’s fine if you do.

4. Be prepared to have the rest of the conversation in a more personal setting.

   This article from LoveToKnow says that if a love confession is texted, the rest of the conversation should be had in person. I think that’s a great suggestion, but I also think it’s possible to have that kind of conversation over the phone if you can’t meet in person right away. And if you’re too far to meet in person and can’t or don’t feel like talking on the phone, video chat is also a nice option.
   
   The point is, after the hardest part of the love confession has happened—the actual confession—it’s wise to talk afterwards in a setting where both of you can look or listen for nonverbal cues.
   
   True, this person may not want to talk more if your response is that you don’t feel the same way. You should absolutely respect that. But it’s good to be able to look someone in the eye or hear the tone of their voice after mutual feelings have been expressed.
   
   And it’s also good to consult your intuition in matters of the heart—and all matters, really—especially if you’re a more intuitive person. Since that can be hard to do with a texted conversation, it’s best to have the follow-up in a setting where you can consult your intuition more easily.

What to Take Away

These days, people share all sorts of things in text messages. That means texted love confessions are becoming more standard. While I’m still a fan of in-person confessions and long love letters, I appreciate how texting can take some of the nerves out of confessing.

But, regardless of how they’re made, love confessions will always come down to four things: someone finding the courage to confess, that person confessing, that person waiting for a response, and the other person responding. If that other person is you, I hope the tips in this post help.

Now it’s your turn. How do you think people should respond to a texted love confession? Let me know in the comments.

~ Ashley C.