6 Things an INFJ in Love Might Want You to Know

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INFJs can be mysterious people. At least, they may seem so to others. This is at least partly because INFJ is considered to be one of the rarest personality types. So, it’s no wonder so much of what they do seems mysterious to others. There are so few who really understand them or who are willing to take the time to do so.

When it comes to love, the INFJ approach can, once again, be a mystery. But if an INFJ in love were to tell their crush (or partner) a few things about them, here are six things they might want them to know.

6 Things an INFJ in Love Might Want Their Crush (or Partner) to Know

1. “My love runs deep.”

   INFJs are known to be deep lovers. When they fall in love, they go all in. This is actually one of the challenges of loving as an INFJ. It can be hard for others to handle the intensity of their love. But if you’re up for it, it’s unlikely you’ll ever find a more devoted or passionate lover than an INFJ.
   
   Something that goes along with the INFJ capacity for deep love is that they can hold onto love for a long time. In this post, I talk about why INFJs and other deep lovers hold onto love for so long. But here, let me just say that if an INFJ really loves you, they will most likely always love you in one way or another.

2. “I want to know everything about you.”

   Part of the depth of INFJ love involves wanting to know everything about their crush or partner. They may ask innumerable questions, wanting to know the simplest things about them (“What’s your favorite color?”) as well as the deepest and most complex (“Are you happy with your life right now?”). They do this for two main reasons—to get to know this person on the deepest possible level and to establish a soul connection with them.
   
   When it comes to what makes an INFJ fall in love, the soul connection is quite possibly the most important piece. But the soul connection often starts with the exchange of words. So, as they ask you these incessant questions, take this as a sign that they want to establish that connection with you so they have a better idea of whether this relationship has long-term potential.

3. “Shallow and casual? Not for me.”

   Speaking of long-term potential, INFJs tend to prefer long-term, committed relationships to just dating for the sake of dating. If an INFJ does happen to be in love with you and you’re someone who’s looking for something more casual, you might want to think very carefully before entering a relationship with them.
   
   You should also know that an INFJ isn’t just looking for someone to hang out with. They’re looking for their soulmate or life partner. This doesn’t mean they’ll start discussing marriage on the first date—not necessarily, anyway. But if they don’t feel connected to you on the deepest possible level, it’s unlikely they’ll want to pursue a long-term relationship with you.

4. “I might idealize you.”

   INFJs tend to spend a lot of time in their head. Romance can be among all the wonderful things they spend their time thinking about. And as they think about romance, they can’t help but create a picture of a romantic relationship that’s based on an ideal as opposed to the reality of romantic relationships. And so, with this ideal romance comes a picture of an ideal romantic partner.
   
   When an INFJ meets someone who they feel matches this idea they have in their head, they may forget that this person is human and has their human flaws like everyone else. And it doesn’t help that INFJs tend to have high standards and expect those in their life to live up to them.
   
   If an INFJ is in love with you, don’t wait too long to show the true you. Deep inside, an INFJ really wants to know the deepest, most authentic version of you anyway.

5. “I might forget my own needs to meet yours.”

   INFJs can have a hard time looking after their own needs because they tend to spend a disproportionate amount of their time looking after everyone else’s. When they’re in love with someone, this person will become a priority for them, which means their needs will be a priority. An INFJ will sacrifice sleep, alone time, healthy eating, and meeting other needs to make sure that the one they love has their needs met.
   
   While it’s up to every INFJ to set healthy boundaries so they make time for self-care, it can be helpful for those who love them to encourage them to make sure they’re meeting their own needs. (Alone time is a big one.)

6. “It might take me time to open up to you.”

   Advice I often give to people in relationships with INFJs is to go slow. INFJs like to take their time with things, including getting to know a potential romantic partner. And because INFJs are so private, it takes them a while to become comfortable enough with someone else to show their more vulnerable side.
   
   If you really want to get to know an INFJ, be patient as they reveal their other sides to you—the unconventional sides they reserve for only those they’re closest to. When they do reveal them, you’ll most likely be pleasantly surprised by what you find.

Final Thoughts

Any INFJ in love will likely want you to know at least some of these things about them. But, being the private people that they are, they might not be forthcoming about sharing them. Some of these things you might have to figure out for yourself. But that’s all just part of the mystery that is the INFJ.

Now it’s your turn. What do you think an INFJ in love would want their crush or partner to know?

~ Ashley C.