5 Tips for Communicating Better With INFJs

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Communication involves much more than just the words you use when speaking. It also involves tone, body language, and everything you don’t say. If communication were easy, everyone would be able to say what they mean, and everyone would understand what they intended to say. But that’s not always the case.

If you would like some advice on how to communicate better with INFJs, you might find these five tips helpful.

5 Tips for Better Communication With INFJs

1. Listen.

   It might seem counterintuitive, but much of communication comes down to how well you listen. It’s very easy for people to claim to be listening when others speak, when really they’re thinking about what they’re going to say next, what they want to make for dinner, and what they plan to do over the weekend.
   
   It can be hard to calm or quiet the voice in your head long enough to really take in everything that someone else has to say before actually responding or even thinking of a response. But this is a skill you might want to learn and practice if you want to communicate well with an INFJ. In fact, listening to an INFJ is one of the best ways to make them feel better.
   
   In my PDF “5 Tips for Improving a Relationship With an INFJ,” I talk about how INFJs are used to people not being willing to listen when they speak. That can make it hard for them to open up to others, which in turn makes it harder for people to get close to them. If you want to have a good relationship with your INFJ, make sure you listen. (And if you would like the PDF, you can get it for free when you subscribe to the newsletter for INFJ relationships.)

2. Speak the language of feelings.

   If you’re already a Feeler (the third letter in your personality type being F), speaking the language of feelings might come naturally to you. But if you’re a thinker (the third letter being T), this might require more practice. This tip really comes down to you being willing to say how you feel.
   
   INFJs will want to know what you think about things, of course, but they’ll also want to know how you feel. If you’re not used to describing how you feel, now is the time to start practicing.
   
   One thing that can help you get more comfortable with voicing your feelings is starting with getting comfortable writing them down. Journaling can be a great way to get used to letting your feelings out and putting them in a place where you can contemplate and maybe even begin to comprehend them. And once you do, you can share them with your INFJ who will most likely be more than willing to listen.

3. Show empathy.

   This is related to the previous point, but it’s not exactly the same. While speaking the language of feelings has to do with your ability to discuss your own feelings, empathy has to do with feeling and understanding other people’s feelings. This ability comes very naturally to most INFJs. In fact, their empathy can sometimes overwhelm them, which is one reason they need time alone—away from people and their feelings—to be able to recharge.
   
   People who don’t have natural empathetic abilities might find it a challenge to understand other people’s emotions. And that means that, when an INFJ comes to them with an issue that is emotionally charged, they may not be able to fully grasp how much it affects the INFJ. This will limit their ability to really listen (see #1) and offer any appropriate commentary.
   
   Because the thing is, sometimes INFJs speak just to have someone else listen, not because they’re searching for a solution to their problem. And with that listening, what they’re really looking for is empathy. Show empathy when you listen and speak, and you’re well on your way to understanding how INFJs communicate.

4. Watch your tone.

   As I mentioned before, communicating is about much more than just words. Your tone can speak volumes that the words you choose may or may not match. And INFJs tend to be particularly sensitive to tone, so you really have to be careful that your tone matches what you say. I mention that in this post for ENTJs specifically, but all personality types would do well to keep this in mind.
   
   If, for instance, you say something nice to an INFJ but in a harsh or dismissive tone, they’ll most likely stay fixated on your tone and forget what you said completely. If you want to say something nice, say it in a nice tone. And if it helps, you might want to record yourself speaking so you can have an idea of how you sound when you say certain things.
   
   Also, try not to ever speak to an INFJ in a harsh tone. Again, INFJs can be sensitive to tone, and if you speak to them harshly, it might make them uncomfortable. And if you continue using harsh tones, they probably won’t want to interact with you much more in the future.

5. Withhold judgment.

   Just like how INFJs are used to not being heard when they speak, they can often feel judged when they speak. INFJs are considered to be a rare personality type, which means it can be hard for others to understand them. And people can’t help judging what they don’t understand.
   
   Additionally, INFJs are known to have some unconventional thoughts and views on things. People who don’t understand them might judge those thoughts and views, which is another reason why INFJs can have a hard time opening up to people.
   
   If you want your INFJ to feel comfortable sharing things with you, try not to judge them when they speak. Just listen and then comment appropriately.

Final Thoughts

While every INFJ will have their own unique style of communicating, I hope this post gives you an idea of the kinds of things you might want to consider when talking (and listening) to them. Since effective communication is necessary for healthy relationships, if you want a healthy relationship with an INFJ, it helps to know how to communicate with them.

Now it’s your turn. How do you think people can learn to communicate better with INFJs? Let me know in the comments.

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: September 22, 2023