If You're an ENTJ With a Crush on an INFJ or INFP, Keep These 5 Things in Mind

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Like other thinking personality types, ENTJs aren’t known for leading with their emotions. They’re better known for their emphasis on reason and rationality, sometimes to the point of appearing cold and insensitive. It would seem, then, that ENTJs would be better off with partners who also value reason over emotion. But sometimes these personalities can be drawn to more feeling personalities who value emotion over reason, like INFJs and INFPs.

Although INFJ and INFP are distinct personalities, they do share many similarities, including when it comes to romantic relationships. And that means ENTJs should keep the same kinds of things in mind when their crush is either an INFJ or an INFP.

So, if you’re an ENTJ with a crush on either of these feeling types, keeping the following five things in mind might help you in your efforts to have a successful relationship with them.

5 Things ENTJs Need to Remember When Their Crush is an INFJ or INFP

1. Be careful with your criticism.

   Constructive criticism can help all of us grow. But for ENTJs who can often give blunt criticism, it’s not likely to be well-received by an INFJ or INFP even if it is honest or constructive. INFJs and INFPs tend to be sensitive in general (see #5), and they can be particularly sensitive to criticism. They’re already very self-critical, so they don’t need anyone else pointing out their flaws to them.
   
   While you may see your criticism as an effort to encourage their growth and self-development, unless they’ve learned not to take criticism personally, INFJs and INFPs probably won’t see it that way. They’ll see it as a personal attack. And if you’re not careful when you give criticism, this may cause you to push away the person you claim to like.
   
   If you are going to offer criticism, I would suggest that you do it as kindly as you possibly can. Make sure it really is constructive, not just something you felt like saying because you wanted to be honest. And try to mix your criticism with praise, emphasizing what this person has done or does well.
   
   And really pay attention to your tone when you speak. Again, INFJs and INFPs tend to be sensitive, which includes being sensitive to harsh tones. If you tell them something in a harsh tone, they may be deeply hurt by it, even if the intent of the words spoken was genuine.
   
   Also, steer clear of criticism if your INFJ or INFP already feels bad about something they did or how something turned out. That’s the time to offer your listening ear and whatever reassurance you can, not to tell them what they did wrong and what they should do differently next time.

2. Be mindful of your tendency to take charge.

   ENTJs tend to enjoy being in leadership positions, as this article from Truity makes plain. This means they can’t help but want to take charge in their relationships as well. Since INFJs and INFPs may not always favor the dominant role in relationships, they may feel very comfortable letting ENTJs take the lead on many things.
   
   Sometimes this can be a good thing. INFJs and INFPs both have a tendency to overthink, which can make it hard for them to make up their mind about things. It’s nice when they have a special person in their life who has no trouble thinking quickly. And they will also appreciate when someone else makes the first move in a relationship, something ENTJs aren’t shy about doing.
   
   Also, if an ENTJ is willing to help them with practical matters they don’t have the patience for anyway, INFJs and INFPs will be happy to let them take the lead.
   
   At the same time, though, INFJs and INFPs do have their own voice. This means that they, too, need to be able to make decisions in the relationship, even if that means the ENTJ has to wait for them to make up their mind about something, like what movie to watch one weekend. Patience will be useful for ENTJs to develop at times like these.
   
   Additionally, there may be times when an INFJ or INFP makes a decision based on emotions or feelings. This may cause an ENTJ to question how sound these decisions are. Rather than criticizing the INFJ or INFP for deciding this way, they should attempt to go with the flow. It may be a new experience for an ENTJ to let someone else take charge or make decisions based on feelings, but they may actually find it a relief to let someone take the lead from time to time.

3. Tap into your emotions.

   While some ENTJs may already have a good connection to their emotions, they still may not always be able to adequately express them or understand the emotions of others. This can be a problem in relationships with feeling personalities, who tend to understand their own and others’ emotions very well.
   
   As a result, there can be something of a language barrier between ENTJs and feeling types. Bringing awareness to how they feel is the first step for ENTJs to learn how to speak the language of feelings.
   
   One way ENTJs can become more aware of how they feel is to journal. They don’t have to write pages and pages of journal entries every day. But once a week or even once a month, they can set aside some time to write their thoughts in a journal—paper or digital.
   
   They shouldn’t censor themselves when they write or think through what they’re going to write first. They should just write. And then after, they can go back and read what they wrote.
   
   When they do this, they may uncover hidden feelings they didn’t know were there, and they may even find that they do know how to express them. They just need to become more comfortable sharing them out loud. And just know that INFJs and INFPs will be willing and thrilled to hear whatever an ENTJ shares with them.
   
   Also, since ENTJs tend to be absorbed in their work—which can be used as a distraction from feelings—it will be helpful for them to step away from it and all work-related activities to be alone with themselves. In fact, they should take time to step away from all distractions on occasion. This is another way they can reconnect or connect deeper to their feelings and emotions and work on finding a way to express them. Bonus points if they do this in nature.

4. Remember that INFJs and INFPs aren’t always looking for a solution.

   ENTJs enjoy solving problems. And if they care about someone, they will enjoy helping that person solve their problems. If an INFJ or INFP has problems that they are actively searching for solutions to, this can be very helpful. As I mentioned in #2, INFJs and INFPs can have trouble making decisions because of their tendency to overthink. Having someone in their life who helps them cut through the nonsense in their head would do wonders for their decision-making abilities.
   
   But there are other times when INFJs and INFPs talk about their problems, not because they’re looking for a solution, but just because they want to let them out. Sometimes their feelings and emotions overwhelm them and they just need to vent. They do this through journaling and creativity, too. But it can be a welcome relief if they have someone willing to listen to them talk without judgment or criticism.
   
   ENTJs may have to bite their tongue when INFJs and INFPs talk this way. They’ll have to fight their instinct to step in and help, especially if they see an easy or logical solution to the problem.
   
   One suggestion is for them to ask the INFJ or INFP if they are looking for a solution or if they’re just trying to let their emotions out. If they say they’re looking for a solution, ENTJs can feel free to offer one or more. But if they’re not, all an ENTJ has to do is say something like, “I hear you” or “I understand” or “I’m so sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you’re going through that.” Just a little empathy will be enough.
   
   If ENTJs can do their best to refrain from always searching for a solution to the problems these types present and show at least an attempt to understand what they’re going through, it will help them feel comfortable. And when they feel comfortable, they’ll be more receptive to ENTJs’ efforts to pursue a romantic relationship with them, should they choose to do so.

5. Be gentle.

   INFJs and INFPs are known to be sensitive, and that’s not a bad thing. Sensitivity is what allows people to be kind, compassionate, and empathetic. And it may be these very traits, among others, that draw ENTJs to these feeling types. But sensitivity does also mean that, when others are harsh with those who are sensitive, they feel it deeply and it affects them greatly.
   
   So, to all ENTJs with a crush on an INFJ or INFP, I would say be gentle. Be gentle in all your interactions with them, especially the ones they may be more sensitive to. Be gentle in your criticism. Be gentle in giving your opinion. Be gentle when you disagree. Be gentle when you take charge.
   
   If ENTJs manage to be gentle in their interactions with INFJs and INFPs, they’ll help them feel safe. And when these types feel safe, ENTJs will have the privilege of experiencing their warmest and most loving side.

Final Thoughts

I do believe it’s possible for any personality type to have a successful relationship with any other type given the proper effort. But one reason I like personality theory is because it helps us understand our own and others’ strengths, weaknesses, and preferences better.

When we become aware of them and keep them in mind during our interactions with others, it helps us avoid unnecessary conflict, which makes our relationships much smoother. And smooth relationships can contribute to our happiness and overall wellbeing. This is as true for ENTJs interacting with INFJs and INFPs as it is for any personality type interacting with any other.

Now it’s your turn. What do you think ENTJs should keep in mind when crushing on INFJs and INFPs? Let me know in the comments.

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: January 29, 2024