Why Do We Try to Force People into Imaginary Molds?

Photo by Belinda Fewings on Unsplash

I have to be honest about something that irks me. I know that going to church is one way of worshipping God, but it’s not the only way. So, people who talk about encouraging others to “get back in the church” need to think twice.

The Way I See Worship

Church is a place where like-minded people who worship God in a similar way can congregate to worship Him together. And I believe that people who feel revitalized and fulfilled as a result of this practice should continue. It can be a great way to find peace and leave burdens behind.

But who said that going to church is the only way to worship God? The way I see it, everyone experiences God differently. Therefore, there are as many different right ways to worship Him as there are people. This is one thing I’ve found as a result of my own spiritual journey.

Worship isn’t about rules, rituals, or routines. It’s about experiencing your Higher Power (I call mine God, but you can use whatever name you prefer) on the deepest possible level. It’s about feeling close to that Power. It’s about focusing on that something that’s bigger and greater than you—that something that makes you feel alive and makes life worth living.

Some people feel closer to God in nature than they do inside a building. I think their version of church should take place outside. Maria in The Sound of Music comes to mind when I picture someone like that.

Other people experience God in books or in art or in science or in theater. These people should feel free to embrace whatever form of worship feels most natural to them based on who they are. And they shouldn’t feel guilty about it even if church-goers try to convince them that they’re not worshipping “the right way.”

How I Experience God

As for me, I feel God most deeply whenever something moves me deeply. This can be a painting or a movie or a TV show. Most often, though, I experience Him in music.

But what’s weird to me is, it’s not usually music that would be classified as spiritual. It’s not usually the kind of music played in churches. And yet, that’s where I feel Him. When I’m listening to a song that moves me profoundly, that’s when I feel closest to Him.

For years, I fought myself on this, telling myself listening to other music was ok, but I needed to listen to spiritual music, too, especially if I was going to consider what I was doing worship.

But then one day I asked myself why. Why did I think I couldn’t honor God using a song that moved me in the depths of my being, even if it wasn’t strictly spiritual? Didn’t it mean something that it touched me so profoundly?

Leaving the Mold Behind

That’s when I discovered the answer, though it was a gradual discovery. I realized that I was trying to squeeze myself into a mold that wasn’t made for me. I was trying to live the way I let other people convince me I was supposed to live, even if it often grated on my soul.

Now I’m learning to trust in my own voice and in what feels right for me. As I said, church may be right for some people. But if you’re like me, you’ll find that you experience God more deeply in other ways.

Or you may find that other forms of spirituality feel more natural for you. Or you may find more comfort in a religion other than the one you were taught to practice.

Don’t fight that feeling. Don’t let others convince you that you’re wrong. God made us all to be different, so it only makes sense that we would worship Him in different ways.

Feeling forced into a mold is something common for INFJs, but it’s not unique to us. People of all personality types can find that they don’t feel spiritually satisfied by a particular religious tradition.

Going on a journey of self-discovery can help you uncover your authentic spirituality. And if you need guidance on how to start, the Everyday Health article “Begin Your Journey Of Self Discovery” offers some great advice.

Other Molds

And this is just one example of a mold people can be forced into—the religious mold. But people can also be forced into familial molds, cultural molds, gender molds, and other societal fabrications that leave them thirsty for authenticity.

Don’t let that be you. If you find that a certain mold doesn’t fit you, leave it and make your own mold. Choose your own path. Go your own way. Fight for your authenticity.

Now I turn it to you. Why do you think we try to force people into imaginary molds?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: June 23, 2022