Being Friends With Someone You Have Feelings For: Lessons from a New Teen Romance
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When you have a crush on a friend, things can get complicated fast.
One minute, you might find yourself wanting to maintain the friendship, which may keep you from confessing your feelings. But the next minute, you might want to confess because you’d like to explore a romantic relationship with your friend, or at least the potential for one.
But at the same time, you really don’t want to lose the friendship or make things awkward by confessing, which can again make you think twice about confessing. And if you do happen to confess and you find out that your friend doesn’t feel the same way—or they don’t say how they feel—you may wonder if you should even stay friends with them.
This type of dynamic can be complicated at any age, but I think it’s especially challenging when you’re a teen. And this is because, while you’re trying to sort through all these conflicting emotions, you’re also trying to make the transition from childhood (or adolescence) to adulthood.
That’s a lot for anyone to handle.
Chloe, the main character in my new YA romance, knows a thing or two about this. She’s a high school student who’s dealing with an intense crush on a friend as she makes the transition to adulthood. But not only that, she has a good friend who’s going through the same thing—only his crush is on her.
Mordecai is Chloe’s crush, and Simon is Chloe’s good friend who’s in love with her. And as you can imagine, this is far from a simple dynamic. But even though this is a work of fiction, I believe these characters can teach you something about how you might want to handle your own complex crush situation if you find yourself dealing with feelings for a friend.
So, if you’re interested, here are a few lessons from my story “What Happens After You Confess Your Feelings to Someone?” about managing a friendship with someone you have a crush on.
3 Lessons About Being Friends With Your Crush from a New YA Romance
Lesson #1: Keep your priorities straight.
What’s more important to you? Is it maintaining your friendship with this person? Or is it seeing if there’s a potential for more between you two? Because whatever you most want should be your focus.
Chloe’s priority is becoming a romantic partner for Mordecai. The only thing is, she starts the story as a sophomore and she won’t be allowed to date until her senior year. So, even though she wants to be more than just friends with him, she has to settle for friendship with him for now.
For Simon, even though he gives clues throughout the story that he would like to be more than just friends with Chloe, he focuses instead on maintaining his friendship with her. That might be one of the reasons he struggles to confess his feelings to her. But one of the other reasons is because he discovers early on just how strong Chloe’s feelings for Mordecai are. And it doesn’t take Simon long to learn that, if he wants to continue being her friend, he has to accept her deep love for and attachment to Mordecai.
Here’s part of a conversation between Chloe and Simon that takes place as they’re walking in their neighborhood on a snow day in Chapter 20. It gives you a taste of Simon’s inner conflict. Before the excerpt begins, Chloe has just suggested that Simon ask out their mutual friend Krista. Since Chloe has a feeling that he might like her, she’s hoping to steer him in a different direction. Chloe is narrating.
[Simon] “I just don’t think it would be fair to her since I like someone else.”
“Oh,” I say, unprepared for that. “I didn’t know. You never told me.”
“I know,” he says.
“Does Krista know?”
“No, she doesn’t.”
“Ok.” I pause. “Would you be willing to tell me?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s someone you know. And I’d rather you not tell her.”
“I can keep a secret.”
“I’d still rather not risk it. If you know, the temptation to tell her will always be there.”
“Fine. But why haven’t you told her?”
“Because she’s in love with someone else.”
“Oh,” I say. “But that shouldn’t matter.”
“It shouldn’t. But it does,” he says. “You see, I have a hard time getting her attention because she’s so in love with this other guy, even though he treats her badly.”
“Then you just have to show her you’re the better man. Do whatever it takes.”
“I’ve tried, Chloe, believe me. She’s just blind.”
“Well, if she can be blind to someone as great as you, I don’t think she deserves your love. So, why not give Krista a chance?”
He shakes his head and smiles. “If only it were that simple. But I’m as hooked to her as she is to this guy she likes.”
“I’m so sorry, Simon. I wish there were something I could do.”
He looks like he’s about to say something, but then he stops. And then he sighs and says, “Yeah, me too.”
No, I’m not blind—just in denial.
By refusing to say anything about his feelings, Simon is essentially ensuring that he stays in the friend zone, which means that he is able to continue his friendship with Chloe. But at the same time, he’s missing out on the potential to become more than just friends with her. And he’s also keeping her from knowing she has another option, which allows her to stay in denial about his feelings for her.
If Simon really wants to pursue a romantic relationship with Chloe, he would do well to focus more on that outcome than on preserving the friendship without confessing.
Lesson #2: Watch out for jealousy.
If someone is truly a friend and nothing more, they probably won’t be experiencing any feelings of jealousy when you mention romantic partners or people who have the potential to be romantic partners. But on more than one occasion, Mordecai displays hints of jealousy when Chloe talks about her friend Simon.
Here’s an example from Chapter 3 when Simon is still new in Chloe’s life. It shows part of an IM chat between her and Mordecai. (Chloe’s IM name is Simplesnowflake and Mordecai’s is More2come81.)
Simplesnowflake: i saw u at school today
More2come81: o?
More2come81: where?
Simplesnowflake: the library
Simplesnowflake: after school
More2come81: o yeah
More2come81: i was checking out a book for a history paper
More2come81: y were u there?
Simplesnowflake: i was helping a friend with math hw
More2come81: krista?
Simplesnowflake: no, a different friend
Simplesnowflake: a new friend
More2come81: boy or girl?
Simplesnowflake: what does that matter?
More2come81: it matters
Simplesnowflake: y?
More2come81: just cuz
Simplesnowflake: i’m going to need more of a reason
More2come81: fine
More2come81: don’t tell me
Simplesnowflake: i’ll tell u if u tell me y it matters
More2come81: i’m just wondering if this was really all about hw
More2come81: or if maybe there’s a new guy in ur life
Simplesnowflake: well technically there is a new guy in my life
Simplesnowflake: but he’s just a friend
Simplesnowflake: and we were really in the library just to study math
More2come81: uh huh
More2come81: if u say so
Because Mordecai is giving Chloe mixed signals by showing his jealous side while not coming clean about how he feels, Chloe would probably do well to keep her distance from him until he’s willing to be more forthcoming (more on this in Lesson #3). It really isn’t fair to her that she was willing to be vulnerable and share her feelings with him while he’s content to continue the friendship with his feelings unrevealed.
(At the start of the story, Chloe has already confessed her feelings to Mordecai.)
But it would be on Chloe to set that boundary. While she is school smart, she still has a lot to learn about healthy relationships.
Lesson #3: Distance yourself if your feelings are really strong.
It’s true that Simon has feelings for Chloe, but they’re much more manageable than hers are. And although he sometimes does things that go beyond what some might consider reasonable for a good friend to do—all in the name of protecting Chloe—he’s generally able to enjoy her company and their friendship even while crushing on her.
Chloe, on the other hand, has very strong feelings for Mordecai. As a result, distance might have helped in her friendship with him. This is especially because Mordecai doesn’t see any problem in being friends with her even though he knows how she feels and hasn’t shared how he feels about her. This is a sign of a lack of emotional maturity and can also allow someone to take advantage of someone else’s feelings. These are not the kinds of qualities you want in someone you’re hoping becomes a romantic partner for you.
But because Chloe has these strong feelings for Mordecai and doesn’t distance herself from him as much as she should, it puts her in a very vulnerable position. Her proximity means it’s that much easier for Mordecai to break her heart.
One thing you should know about Mordecai, though, is that he has a secret—several, actually—secrets that help explain some of his erratic behavior and moody ways. But he only shares these secrets with Chloe. Even so, if she respected herself a little more, she would probably put some distance between her and Mordecai.
But since this is a coming-of-age story, it’s a given that Chloe has things she needs to learn. What will it look like when she finally learns what qualities to look for in a healthy relationship? And what will it take for her to finally seek out that kind of relationship? You’ll just have to read the story to find out.
A Different Type of High School Romance
The thing about this high school romance is that it’s nontraditional. And by that, I mean that the ending hasn’t been decided when you start reading. Instead, I leave it to you to decide the ending. When you reach a certain chapter, you get to choose whether you want Chloe to pick Mordecai or Simon. And then you can read the rest of the story based on the outcome you select.
Because this isn’t a traditional way to read YA romance, I’ve designed it so that you’ll need to join the What Happens After You Confess membership to read it. Once you join, you’ll have access to the story, including the ending (or endings) of your choice, along with all current and future content and updates.
If this sounds fun to you, go ahead and click here to learn more about the membership and to join.
Final Thoughts
Friendships at any age can be complicated. But when romantic feelings are involved, they become even more complex.
The young adult romance “What Happens After You Confess Your Feelings to Someone?” puts a spotlight on two friendships that involve romantic feelings for a friend. And you can learn many lessons from these friendships, like the three I just mentioned. But unlike with typical YA romances, in this story you get to decide the ending. And if you’re curious to know more reasons why you should give this high school love story a chance, feel free to check out this post.
I hope to see you in the What Happens After You Confess membership!
~ Ashley C.
P.S. If you would like to sample more of my story-writing style, you can click here to read some short stories that are currently available.
Interested in a love story where you get to choose the ending? In "What Happens After You Confess Your Feelings to Someone?", Chloe is a high school student who's deeply in love with a boy at her school named Mordecai. But she has a good friend named Simon who would also like to earn her affection. Who will she end up with? The decision is up to you. Join the What Happens After You Confess membership to read the story and select the outcome you prefer.