How to Avoid the Biggest Mistake I Made When Deconstructing My Faith
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You could say I started deconstructing my faith around nine years ago when I was in the midst of a spiritual crisis. But back then I had never heard of the term “deconstruction” in this context. I just considered what I was doing getting clear on my beliefs.
While I think this kind of clarification is essential after you’ve been through something that has caused you to question or re-evaluate your religious beliefs, it’s not the only piece of the puzzle. I missed an essential piece when I was still very actively involved in this process.
My biggest mistake when deconstructing my beliefs was not also getting clear on my values.
Your values serve as a compass for your life, especially your core values. Your beliefs are more like the boat you use to sail in. So, while it’s great to have a solid boat in place, if you don’t have a compass, it’s hard to know what direction to sail in.
If you’ve been Christian for a long time, you may be used to making decisions based on Christian values and teachings. But as you start deconstructing your faith, you have to start making decisions based on your personal values, some of which may be aligned with Christian values and some of which might not be. This can be a challenging thing to begin doing if you’re not used to it.
If you’re in the process of deconstructing your religious beliefs, I would encourage you to use some of that process to get clear on your personal values. And then, to help you use them as the compass they are, I would also encourage you to craft a personal vision statement.
What Is a Personal Vision Statement and How Do You Write One?
A personal vision or personal vision statement is a guide you use to filter all your future decisions. Rather than struggling to figure out how to decide things like what to do for work and how you want to live your life, you’ll already have guidance based on your values and the vision you have for your life.
(I have to thank AI for introducing me to this concept. Yes, it can be useful even when it comes to spiritual matters and self-discovery.)
There may be many different ways to define your personal vision, but here’s how I would suggest you do it. Start with your core values. (In this post, I present some journal prompts you can use to get clear on them if you’re not sure what they are.) Using those values as a starting point, you’re going to write about what you want your ideal life to look like by emphasizing why those values are important to you. Remembering why they’re important can help you keep them at the forefront of your mind.
I would suggest you write a short paragraph for each value, although you can include more than one in the same paragraph if they’re related. Optionally, you can also bold your values so they stand out when you’re just glancing at your vision. And once you have that written, you have a personal vision you can use to help guide you as you start making decisions with your new view of life and spirituality.
An Example of a Personal Vision Statement
Let me give you an example of a personal vision using the following five core values: organization, style, influence, passion, and travel.
“In my ideal life, organization plays a key role. I keep my home and workspace neat and clean. And all the documents, emails, and files on my phone and computer are organized. This makes it easier for me to find what I’m looking for when I need it, helping me save time and energy so I’m free to do other things.
“I dress with impeccable style. While I do like to be aware of the latest fashion trends, I focus on looking chic and timeless. I feel good when I look elegant, and looking this way also helps me feel more confident.
“Feeling confident is important to me because I’m working in a position that allows me to have a lot of influence. And I like having this kind of influence because I have fresh ideas and new perspectives I would like to share that I know would benefit the world.
“When it comes to all aspects of my life, passion has to be present. I have to be passionate about the work I’m doing and the people I spend my time with. Anything I’m not obligated to do and that doesn’t fill me with passion has to go.
“I also highly value travel. I enjoy doing work that gives me plenty of opportunities to travel. And even in my free time, I enjoy traveling. I like seeing different places, eating different foods, and meeting people from different cultures. So, I make travel a priority.”
In your personal vision, it might be helpful to start with the phrase “In my ideal life,” but you could also start with “In my authentic life” or anything else to put you in the right frame of mind. Just make sure to write in the present tense so it’s like you’re living that life now.
The Role of Spirituality in Your Personal Vision
One thing you might notice with the example I gave is that it doesn’t mention anything overtly spiritual. That’s because this is a personal vision for someone who doesn’t consider spirituality to be one of their core values. But according to my definition of spirituality, which is being connected to something greater, this person is living a spiritual life.
They’re connecting to things that bring them joy and that they’re passionate about. For me, that’s the essence of authentic spirituality—filling your days with activities that light you up. Because I believe that feeling is a connection to something greater.
As you gain clarity on your beliefs and values while deconstructing, you might find that you still want to incorporate traditional (or nontraditional) forms of spirituality into your life. And that’s completely fine. But along your journey, you might also discover that you’re not naturally the most “spiritual” person. That is, you’re not naturally drawn to things and activities that others would consider spiritual. That’s fine, too.
The way I see it, as long as you’re living a life that fills you with joy, you’re living a spiritual life. How much that label matters to you is up to you.
Time to Take Action
Now it’s your turn. Take some time to write out your personal vision. You don’t have to write it all at once, and you don’t have to get it perfectly the first time. But write it somewhere so you have your guide. And I would suggest you put it somewhere you’ll see it every day.
Also keep in mind, though, that your core values can change over time, which means your personal vision can change. And that’s fine. But right now, you want to have an idea of what you’re aiming for based on where you are now.
Final Thoughts
I actually wrote versions of a mission statement while I was still actively deconstructing my faith. But because I didn’t use my core values as a starting point, it never really felt like me. Now I have a personal vision that I can refer to when I want to remember my vision for my life, and it includes my core values. And, yes, I did bold them so that even at a glance I remember what truly matters to me.
On your deconstruction journey, you’ll discover many interesting things about yourself and what you really believe. You’ll likely go through an array of at times painful emotions, like anger, sadness, and disappointment. But you may also start to feel immense joy and freedom as you release beliefs that don’t or no longer serve you and adopt or strengthen beliefs that do.
While you’re doing all this, don’t forget to take time to get clear on your core values and craft a personal vision statement for yourself. This way, you not only come to understand what you believe going forward. You’ll also know which direction you want to start heading in.
I also wanted to note that while everyone is capable of going on this journey on their own, I know how nice it would have been to have someone with me along the way. It would have been nice to discuss things I was learning or new beliefs I was playing around with. It would have been nice if someone had encouraged me to get clear on my values in addition to my beliefs. And it would have been wonderful if this person had already actively started deconstructing.
This is why I now offer spiritual coaching services to Christians who would like to transition from Christianity to spirituality. Part of that transition involves deconstruction, or as I now call it, belief and value clarification.
If you’re a Christian who would like some extra help on your deconstruction journey and who would like to practice an authentic form of spirituality free from the constraints of religious dogma, simply click here to find out more about my spiritual coaching services.
~ Ashley C.