Why Is There So Much Emphasis on Positivity?

Photo by Lidya Nada on Unsplash

Everywhere I turn, someone is offering positivity as the solution to life’s problems. Replace a negative attitude with a positive one. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Focus on happy things, not sad things.

To a certain extent, I can understand where the idea of emphasizing positivity comes from. Positivity can encourage us to see opportunities where others see only problems. And optimism can give us the courage to persevere despite overwhelming odds.

But when it comes to what makes us happy, things get complicated. What if expressing how you really feel instead of always pretending everything is fine makes you happy? Or what if listening to sad music makes you happy?

Song Choice Conflict

One of the reasons I’m on this journey of rediscovery—the one I mention in my Introduction and in my post How Do You Know It’s Time To Go on a Journey of Rediscovery?—is because I’ve noticed myself growing more and more sensitive to the things that once brought me joy, like sad songs.

I tend to prefer sad songs to happy ones because they make me feel something deep and real. I talk about this in my post Why Can’t Real Life Be More Like the Movies? So, when I noticed that I was having trouble enjoying the sad songs I used to love, I knew I had a problem.

What compounded this problem was that, everywhere I turned, people were trying to convince me that I wasn’t even supposed to like the songs I love. Everyone was encouraging me to listen to happy, upbeat songs and watch happy, fun movies and read positive, uplifting books. No one was encouraging me to listen to my heartbreaking love songs, though it’s those songs that bring me to life.

And so, here I was, already sensitive about listening to some of my favorite songs and hearing all these people—counselors, religious leaders, bloggers, and TV hosts—telling me I was supposed to be listening to something else. I felt lost and conflicted.

Shutting Out Other Voices

Eventually, I had to shut out all the other voices in my head so I could hear my own voice—and, more importantly, God’s voice. I had to have conversations with myself and with God to try to figure out why I had become so sensitive to certain issues that were keeping me from enjoying what I love. And then I had to come to the realization that I couldn’t let other people’s ideas about what’s right keep me from doing what I believe is right.

I believe it’s right to do what makes you happy—so long as it doesn’t harm you or anyone or anything else. Since sad songs make me happy, I’m going to listen to sad songs. If happy songs make you happy, listen to happy songs. The point is to do what you love without needing anyone else’s permission or approval. Remember, God gave you permission to be yourself by making you the way you are.

A Little Clarification

Don’t get me wrong. I love plenty of happy songs, too—and happy shows, movies, and books. But sad songs—particularly sad love songs—touch me in a way happier songs almost never do, though there are exceptions.

I believe there’s a time and place for positivity, just like there’s a time and place for all kinds of music. If I’m working out, I turn on my quick-tempo workout music. If I need a boost of confidence, I turn on my confidence-boosting music. But if I want to hear music that stirs me, I put on my “Sad Songs” playlist.

Express Yourself in a Healthy Way

While I do recognize that the world could use more love, compassion, mercy, and sensitivity, I don’t think we have to emphasize positivity as much. Positivity is a good thing. But too much positivity can lead to the suppression of real emotions—emotions that will come out eventually, and usually in more unpredictable ways as a result of the suppression.

I believe in expression. I believe in voicing how we really feel. In times like the one we’re living in—and all other times as well—it’s important for people to be comfortable expressing the emotions they’re experiencing. I think that’s the only healthy way to live.

While I don’t believe in wallowing for too long, neither do I believe in pasting on a smile when what you really need is a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on or a good scream. Be honest with how you feel and find a healthy way to express it. And do what makes you happy, even if other people encourage you to do the opposite.

Now it’s your turn. Why do you think people emphasize positivity so much?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: February 4, 2022