Why Can't Real Life Be More Like the Movies?

Photo by Denise Jans on Unsplash

Judge me if you will, but one of my favorite songs is still “If We Were A Movie” by Hannah Montana. It’s just such a lovely, bittersweet song about imagining what life would be like if it resembled the movies more.

But now I’m wondering, why can’t real life be more like the movies?

Happy Endings

Movies are fantasies, that’s true. But they’re fantasies created by humans. So if we collectively decide and agree that we like to see certain things in movies—like happy endings—why can’t we collectively decide and agree to work toward those things in life? Why do we have to fabricate happy endings? Why can’t we fill life with happy endings?

I know there are many things beyond our control, but there are also some things we can control. If we focus on what we can control, can’t we work to make more endings happy? Can’t we be kind to the people who love us or make it clear early on that we’re not interested instead of leading them on? I know we’re capable of doing better than we have been. Or am I just being overly idealistic?

Pain in Love

I’ve experienced a lot of pain in love. I’ve tried to make things work that, for one reason or another, couldn’t work. I hint at an example of this in my post Why Do INFJs Love So Hard? The boy I fell in love with because he looked like my fifth grade crush—he and I shared a tumultuous friendship for years before he made it clear there was no romantic future for us.

When we were still good friends, though, there were times that were so wonderful, I couldn’t imagine any feelings better than what I felt for him. This is an excerpt from an email I wrote a friend about him when we were in high school (please pardon the random spelling and lack of capitalization):

every moment, now, i want to talk to him or see him or something. i think about him before i go to sleep and when i wake up. and i just want to be with him. i don’t know what it iz…i don’t know what it iz about him but i really like him like that and i mean really.

(The last word is italicized in the email.)

But then there were times when he would ignore me or make me feel small. And, unfortunately, as the years passed, those times occurred more frequently while the wonderful times faded away. Eventually our lives took such different paths that now our relationship is only a memory.

Sad Songs

I wish our story hadn’t ended that way. I wish it could have ended more like happy love stories end in the movies. I wish we had been able to work everything out. But that’s not what happened.

Instead of dwelling on the pain, though, I’ve written songs about it. Needless to say, I’ve written a lot of sad songs, and I love singing them because they fill me with real emotion, not fabricated emotion. I think that’s why I love listening to sad songs, particularly sad love songs. Try listening to an Adele or Phil Collins song and tell me you don’t feel something real.

But can I tell you the truth? I would give all my sad songs back for one happy ending. That’s what I’m still waiting for—my happy ending and beginning and middle—my happy love story. I still don’t understand why I could never make things work with the guys I liked in the past. But that’s all in the past. I try to stay focused on the future when it comes to things like this and leave the past locked in my art.

Keep Watching Movies

As I wait to find my life partner, I’m going to keep watching movies. Even if they’re fictional—images of a reality we wish existed but seem hard-pressed to create without scripts and cameras—they allow me to live vicariously through the characters who get what I’m seeking. But until my wishes are granted in real life, I’m also going to keep singing my sad songs.

And maybe even after as well, to remind myself of how far I’ve come.

Now it’s your turn. Why do you think real life can’t be more like the movies?

~ Ashley C.

P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!

Last updated: June 7, 2024