What Are Some Not-So-Obvious Signs an INFJ Likes You?

Photo by Aliis Sinisalu on Unsplash

We INFJs aren’t always forthcoming with our feelings, and that’s especially true when it comes to love. While INFJs can fall in love easily, we prefer to stay guarded until someone has shown us they can be trusted with the most secret and sacred parts of us.

Even so, that doesn’t mean those feelings don’t show up in other ways. In fact, because INFJ love is so strong, the signs will be hard to miss if you’re looking for them.

Is an INFJ responding quickly to your texts? Do they want to know everything about you? Are they going out of their way for you? Do they give you special attention when you’re together? These are some of the more obvious signs an INFJ likes you, and this article from Psychology Junkie describes them well.

Here, I’m going to describe four not-so-obvious signs that an INFJ may see you as more than a friend. But just so you know, while I have heard of INFJs displaying some of these behaviors with someone they like, I’m writing from my own experience as an INFJ with a crush.

4 Not-So-Obvious Signs an INFJ Likes You

1. Saying that you and someone else would make a good couple.

   On two occasions when I had a crush on someone, I told my crush that he and someone we both knew would make a good couple. At the time, I didn’t know why I did this. But now I understand that it was because, while I wasn’t ready to tell my crush that I liked him, I did want him to know I was thinking of him romantically.
   
   I was saying, in effect, “I like you, but I don’t want you to know that yet. So, I’m going to tell you I think you would make a good couple with this other person. At least this way, you know I’m thinking of you as a potential romantic partner.”
   
   Ironically, this is also something I would do if I didn’t like someone romantically. I would try to pair them up with someone else so they would look elsewhere for love. So, if someone I liked wanted to know whether I was doing this because I liked them or only saw them as a friend, they would have to look for other, more obvious signs.
   
   If I talked to them eagerly or asked them incessant questions, I was doing it because I liked them. But if I tried to keep my distance from this person and keep our conversations light and neutral, it was because I only saw them as a friend.
   
   This is just a taste of what it means for INFJs to be walking contradictions.

2. Encouraging you to discuss romantic subjects.

   This is related to the previous behavior. If I liked someone but didn’t want them to know it yet, an alternate tactic to let them know I was thinking of them romantically would be to try to steer our conversations toward more romantic subjects.
   
   I might ask if they’re dating these days. I might ask about their past crushes and relationships. I might ask if they believe in soulmates.
   
   I would do this to put my crush into a romantic or relationship frame of mind. My hope would be that, whenever their mind wandered to romance or relationships, it also wandered to thoughts of me.
   
   I would, of course, discuss other subjects with them. In fact, I would be discussing all manner of subjects with them in my efforts to get to know them on a deeper level. This is a very common and obvious way that INFJs show they have a crush on someone.
   
   But in my case, if I’m constantly going back to those romantic subjects, it would be a good hint that I saw this person as more than a friend.

3. Asking questions to test your compatibility.

   In my religious days, I had a crush on a boy who was of a different religion than the one I practiced. Since religion was very important to me back then, I wondered if we would be able to make a relationship work in spite of that difference. So, I asked him about it—hypothetically.
   
   I didn’t want him to know I was thinking about us as a couple, so I just asked if he thought people of those two religions would be able to make a relationship work. But, of course, what I really wanted to know was whether he thought a relationship between the two of us would work.
   
   This kind of question could also potentially occur if an INFJ and the person they like are of different political affiliations or backgrounds, have vastly different tastes in books or movies, or have other differences they consider important.
   
   Since INFJs are value-driven people, if they sense that a difference might cause a value conflict, they would want to know about the potential for this early on.
   
   But first they might want to know their crush’s opinion. They might want to know how much potential their crush thinks they have before they take the plunge and make a confession.

4. Letting your opinion weigh heavily.

   I once had a crush on a boy who was very religiously conservative. I was, too, but he was even more so. At the time, I had written a novella that I thought he might disapprove of. And do you know what I did with that novella? I destroyed it, keeping only a poem from it and a few pages I forgot about in the purge.
   
   Because we INFJs care so deeply about our crush, we’ll take this person’s likes and interests to heart. This means we may try to change ourselves to match our crush’s preferences.
   
   For the record, this is one of the unhealthier signs that an INFJ likes someone. It goes way beyond the “pretending to like what your crush likes” phase that sometimes happens when we like someone. This is something that stems from a deep lack of self-worth or self-esteem. Both of these can be common in INFJs who often already feel alone and misunderstood in this world.
   
   When an INFJ feels this way, it’s common for them to be willing to do or sacrifice almost anything to please someone they like. In fact, that’s true of anyone who feels this way. They’re tying their value to being liked, so they’ll do whatever it takes to keep this person happy.
   
   Confident, mature INFJs won’t usually allow a crush to influence their decisions so heavily. (I don’t destroy my work for anyone these days.) And while some of these changes can be harmless, they become harmful when they lead an INFJ to betray their authenticity.
   
   If you find an INFJ is changing who they are, especially crucial parts of who they are to match your interests and preferences, it’s most likely a sign that they like you. And if you notice this happening, please encourage them to stop.

Final Thoughts

What it comes down to is this: If you aren’t ready to tell an INFJ you like them and you just want to have an idea whether they like you, feel free to look for all the signs you want. I’ve just given you a few not-so-obvious ones to keep in mind based on my own experiences and what I know of INFJs in general.

But if you really want to know whether an INFJ likes you and if you really want a chance at a relationship with them, you’re going to have to ask them. Though there are indirect ways of doing this, direct is always better. And remember, they may be more willing to come clean with their feelings if you confess yours first.

Now I turn it to you. Can you think of any not-so-obvious signs that an INFJ likes someone? Let me know in the comments.

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: September 22, 2023