5 Indirect Ways To Ask Your Crush If They Like You

Photo by Sara Cervera on Unsplash

If you like someone and you don’t know how they feel about you, you’re going to find yourself wondering about this often. Like multiple times a day often.

You might also constantly look for signs to see if you can tell how they feel. But, really, if you want to know how someone feels about you, there’s only one way to find out for sure.

You have to ask them.

But asking someone directly how they feel about you can be terrifying. I know this from experience.

So, to take some of the terror out of asking your crush how they feel about you, here are five indirect ways to ask them.

1. Have someone you trust ask for you.

   This is probably my favorite indirect tactic for making this inquiry. If you’ve revealed your feelings for your crush to someone you trust, you can have them ask your crush how they feel about you.
   
   (You can also do this if you haven’t made your feelings explicitly clear, but this trusted person will most likely figure it out based on your request.)
   
   Ideally, this strategy will make it seem like your friend or confidant is just curious about this person’s feelings for you. Your crush doesn’t have to know you’re the one behind the inquiry. But if you don’t want your friend to share your feelings with your crush, make sure they know that.
   
   This method works best when your intermediary is also a friend or at least acquaintance of your crush. And, to be safe, it’s also preferable that this person not be someone your crush would be inclined to like. At the very least, make sure this person has no feelings for your crush, otherwise this plan can seriously backfire.

2. Ask your crush who they like.

   You can do this yourself or ask someone you trust to do it. Instead of asking your crush how they feel about you, you can ask them who their crush is, if they have one.
   
   Just know, if it turns out to be you and they’re not ready to confess, they may not tell the truth when you ask. This is when it helps to have a friend ask for you. But if they’re crushing on someone else and only see you as a friend, they may have no trouble telling you who they like.
   
   But, of course, the whole point is that you don’t know how they feel about you, so you have no way of knowing whether they’ll feel comfortable being honest with you or not. So, just to be safe, have a trusted friend ask for you.
   
   (True, if your crush knows this is a good friend of yours, they might also be reluctant to confess the truth to them. But they’ll feel more comfortable if they’re not face-to-face with you.)
   
   Just know, this method is very indirect. If you find out that your crush likes someone else, you may still wonder how they feel about you. But if your crush says they like someone else and you or your friend sense they’re being honest, it most likely means they’re not also crushing on you.
   
   On the other hand, if they come out and say they like you, you have officially found requited love. Cue happy dance.

3. Ask them how they feel about you on a scale of 1 to 10.

   Again, you can ask this yourself or through a friend. If it’s you asking, you can say, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like me?” (Your friend would say, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like so-and-so?”) Using this scale, 1 says they see you as family, 5 says they see you as a friend, and 10 says they want to date you.
   
   Asking your crush how they feel about you this way gives you a better idea of how they see you and what your potential for future romance is. For example, maybe they’re not yet ready to date you, but if they give a 7 or an 8, it means they like you as more than a friend.
   
   I did this with a friend of mine when we were in middle school. I liked a boy she knew from elementary school, and she would ask him this question when I was nearby. If I remember correctly, she asked him twice, on two separate occasions.
   
   Sadly, his answer was always 5. But at least knowing that kept me from falling too deeply in love with him. And I never had to confess my feelings for him since I already knew where he stood.

4. Ask your crush how they feel hypothetically.

   This one you have to do. Instead of directly asking, “Do you like me?”, you can ask a hypothetical question. First, start by confirming that you’re friends. “So, we’re friends, right?” is enough to get the ball rolling.
   
   Since I’m assuming this person is going to say yes, you can follow up that question by asking something like, “Do you think you could ever see us dating someday?” See what they say after that.
   
   If they lean toward yes, you might find the courage to ask them directly if they like you. Or you might be willing to confess your own feelings.
   
   But if they lean toward no, you might want to hold off on confessing. If they don’t give a reason for their no, you can ask them why not. And if they respond honestly, you’ll have a better idea of what they’re looking for or what your potential as a couple is.

5. Ask them in writing.

   This is the most direct of all these indirect ways of discovering your crush’s feelings about you. Asking your crush to their face if they like you is the most nerve-wracking way to find out. But if you ask them in writing, it takes some of the nerves out of it.
   
   In fact, using any of the above methods in writing will be less nerve-wracking for you or your trusted go-between.
   
   You can ask them by text, email, or a simple handwritten note. And if you use a physical note, you can have someone you trust give it to them. Just write, “Do you like so-and-so?” And then ask them to circle YES or NO. You can always write a more complex message if you like, but it really doesn’t take much more than that.
   
   So, if you want a clearer response from your crush without being too direct, this is the method to go with.

I think crushes are wonderful. They fill life with spice and all the fluttery feelings of romantic love. But if you ever want to start a relationship with your crush or move on from them, it helps to know how they feel about you. If you don’t want to ask them directly, I hope one of these indirect tactics helps.

Keep in mind, though, that all of these tactics come with a degree of ambiguity in your crush’s response. So, if you really want to know the truth about how they feel, the best way is to ask them directly and in person.

Also, you’ll notice that I said over and over that if you’re going to ask your crush how they feel through someone else, it should be someone you trust. You don’t want someone whose loyalty you doubt to be entrusted with information this sensitive.

Now I turn it to you. What are some indirect ways you would suggest someone ask a crush how they feel about them?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: June 23, 2022