What Can We Learn from Crushes on Fictional Characters?

Photo by Larisa Birta on Unsplash

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had a crush on a fictional character. (I see all but two of you with your hand raised. This is a safe place, though, so you can be honest.) I know I’ve had those kinds of crushes, on both human and cartoon characters.

Despite the fictional aspect of these crushes, I’ve learned that even they can teach us about ourselves. So, if you’ve ever had a crush on a fictional character—or if you’re in the middle of one—consider the following five things it may be telling you.

5 Things We Can Learn from Crushes on Fictional Characters

1. Crushing on a fictional character is a safe form of love.

   In most cases, people crush on fictional characters when they’re not yet ready for a real-life relationship. And that’s totally fine.
   
   Crushing on a fictional character is a way for you to experience all the fun of having a crush without any of the pain. It gives you someone to love and someone to look forward to seeing. It gives you someone to fantasize about.
   
   But when you do find you’re ready for a real relationship, you’ll probably have to stop crushing on these characters—at least, you’ll have to stop crushing on them exclusively. And you’ll have to find someone in the real world to love.
   
   I know how scary it can be to put your heart out there and risk getting it broken. But if you don’t ever try, you’ll never get to experience the beauty of true love either.

2. Crushing on a fictional character can be a form of escape.

   Instead of enjoying the simple thrill of a crush like in #1, we can also use fictional characters to help us escape from reality. This can be healthy or unhealthy depending on the intensity of the crush.
   
   I don’t see a problem with sitting down to watch your crush at the end of a long day or a long week or just to have some unwinding time whenever. It pulls you out of the intensity or perhaps monotony of your life for a while and allows you to lose yourself in pleasant emotions.
   
   But when you’re crushing on fictional characters because you’re actively avoiding deep human connection with others, that could be a problem.
   
   You may tend to do this if you don’t have many friends or if you don’t feel others understand or appreciate you. This may also be tempting if you don’t feel attractive to others or if you don’t feel any real person would ever reciprocate your love.
   
   With a fictional character, your heart is always safe. But if you choose to reserve your love for these characters, you’re also choosing to live a life in hiding.
   
   It may be true that you don’t fit in easily with others because of your unique qualities. (If you’re an INFJ, as I am, you definitely know this feeling since there are so few of us in the world.) But this doesn’t mean no one will reciprocate your feelings.
   
   It just means it might take a little longer for you to find someone who appreciates all you have to offer. If you genuinely desire to have a partner, I believe there’s someone out there for you. But if you never give real people a chance, you’ll never find them.
   
   Don’t ever believe the lie that you’re unlovable. And don’t use crushes on fictional characters to avoid life. Just find your unique way to engage with the real world—at your own pace, though, and when you’re ready.
   
   As you do this, you’ll come to see that you have plenty of lovable qualities. And when you reveal them, you give others the chance to see that, too.

3. The character you like may have qualities you’re looking for in a real-life partner.

   The thing about fictional characters is, since their screen time is so limited, certain of their traits will always be emphasized more than others. This means that you’ll tend to be drawn to the characters, not as complete beings, but for these highlighted traits.
   
   Aside from physical qualities you find attractive, the character you’re crushing on may have qualities you value in other people, whether you knew it or not. Maybe the character is really kind or loyal. This could mean kindness or loyalty is important to you.
   
   Maybe the character is endlessly generous or always there for the ones they care about. This could mean generosity and devotion are traits you value highly. You should keep these things in mind when searching for a real-life partner.
   
   Even if the character you like is a not-so-good person, their qualities can still give you insight into what you value in others—things like perseverance, strength, and ingenuity.
   
   But if you’re drawn to more negative traits, it might be because you have an unhealthy idea of what qualities are worthwhile in a partner. If that’s the case, you may want to do some soul-searching to find out why you’re drawn to those traits and what makes you think they’re ok for a potential partner to have.
   
   It may be that you have low self-esteem or self-worth, which makes you think it’s ok and even desirable for your partner to demean, degrade, or disrespect others. After all, if you don’t appreciate your true value, it won’t bother you when someone devalues someone else.
   
   It’s important to do this sort of introspection before you enter a relationship with a real person. And if you need professional help working through these issues, don’t hesitate to seek it.

4. The character you like may have qualities you wish you had.

   Alternatively, you may crush on a certain character because you consciously or unconsciously wish you were more like them. Maybe the character you like is confident while you feel sorely lacking in confidence. That could be a sign you might want to work on building up your confidence.
   
   Or maybe the character has a way of always finding the right solution to a problem. Maybe this means you should work on your problem-solving abilities.
   
   It could also happen that a character you like has talents you wish you had or takes chances you wish you could. While we’re all endowed with certain gifts, that doesn’t mean we can’t enhance those gifts or learn a new skill if we choose to. (But if your crush is a superhero, you might just have to admire those skills from a distance.)
   
   As for taking chances, you may not be able to take the same ones your crush takes. But since it may just be their adventurous spirit you admire, let them encourage you to be bolder and go on more adventures. That’s what life is all about.

5. Crushing on a fictional character says that, on some level, you crave love.

   You can try to deny it, but we humans tend to invest emotions only in things that we want or care about. If you’re investing emotions into any relationship—even an imaginary relationship with a fictional person—it means you desire love.
   
   If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be investing emotions into this crush. You would just admire the character when you see them and maybe find them attractive, but then move on.
   
   Since you’re not moving on, you’re clearly desiring something beyond a distraction. It’s even possible to devote yourself so much to this character that you actively avoid crushing on real people. (That fidelity is an admirable trait, though.)
   
   One thing I need you to remember is, a crush on a fictional character is not a fictional crush. The character may not be real but your feelings are. So, don’t ignore what they’re telling you.
   
   Even if you’re not ready for a real relationship now, don’t be afraid to take a chance on one when the time comes. (And, yes, if your feelings are strong, you’ll have to let go of your love for this character before you can fully open your heart to someone new.)

Final Thoughts

Everything you’re drawn to or admire—everything that interests you or captivates you—all of it says something about you. The fictional characters you crush on reveal the qualities you value in people in general and in romantic partners more specifically.

Also, though, if you notice that you prefer to crush on fictional characters, that may mean you’re not ready to be with a real person yet.

But the fact that you’re even crushing on these characters says you have a desire to experience reciprocal love. If you’re not ready for it yet, that’s ok. Just don’t let fear keep you from ever taking a chance on love in the real world.

Now it’s your turn. What do you think we can learn from crushes on fictional characters? Let me know in the comments.

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: August 23, 2023