How Can an INFJ Move On from Unrequited Love?

Photo by Joyce McCown on Unsplash

There’s something unfinished about unrequited love. That’s why I think it’s so hard for people to let it go. If you leave that love behind, there may always be a sense of, “But what would have happened if I had just held on a little longer?”

Still, there comes a time when we realize, for one reason or another, we need to move on from an unrequited crush. Because INFJs aren’t known for letting go of things easily, letting something like this go can be especially hard for them.

I definitely would not consider myself a good example of moving on from this type of love. I’ve been known to pine long after the object of my affections showed he wasn’t interested. But, as a result of loving this way for so long, I have some advice to offer you that I wish someone had given me a long time ago.

5 Tips to Help INFJs Move On from Unrequited Love

1. Tell the person how you feel.

   Though these suggestions aren’t in any particular order, I would consider this the number one tactic for getting over an unrequited crush.
   
   If the person you love doesn’t know how you feel about them, telling them will release the weight of hidden love off your shoulders while allowing them to reveal whether or not they have feelings for you. If they do, that’s great. Your love is no longer unrequited.
   
   If they don’t share your feelings, however, at least now you know. That should free you to think of other things besides this person and move on with your life.
   
   I plan to write another post later about if and when INFJs should reveal their feelings to their crushes. For now, just know, I would only advise coming clean with your emotions if you’re able to do so and feel comfortable.
   
   If you’re crushing on a celebrity, for instance, it might be hard to tell them how you feel. But if the person you like lives next door, you should be able to arrange an encounter where you can share your feelings. All you need is some courage.
   
   As for feeling comfortable, because INFJs do have such strong feelings, I think it’s best for them to come clean only if they think there really is a potential that the other person will reciprocate.
   
   If not, it’s possible the other person won’t say how they feel so the INFJ will continue to like them, allowing them to take advantage of the INFJ’s generous nature.
   
   I’m speaking from experience here. So, INFJs, be careful with your emotions.

2. Express your emotions creatively.

   INFJs tend to be creative people, and it’s therapeutic for them to use their creativity to express how they feel. This case is no exception.
   
   If you’re a writer, write a story about unrequited love. And it doesn’t have to end sad if you don’t want it to. You can have your character find love in the end, and you can live vicariously through them until your turn comes.
   
   If you’re an artist, create art that expresses how you feel. And if you’re a musician…well, I probably don’t even have to tell you about how healing it can be to put your emotions to music.
   
   Even if you don’t consider yourself very creative, you can still appreciate the art of others. Find art that expresses how you feel and immerse yourself in it for a while. Catharsis is good for the soul.

3. Replace emotion with reason.

   If someone had given me this piece of advice years ago, it would have been one of the hardest for me to follow. When an INFJ is in love, oftentimes reason is nowhere to be found.
   
   But if you’re trying to move on from unrequited love, you have to be rational. I suggest some things you might want to consider in my post “What Does Unrequited Love Feel Like for an INFJ?” But here are a few other things to consider.
   
   Are you the one initiating everything in the relationship or is it a two-way street? Is this person there for you the way you’re there for them? How long does this person take to return your messages? Are you in love with them or with the idea of them?
   
   This last question is a big one. Sometimes we think we’re in love with someone when really it’s the idea of them we’re in love with. To tell the difference, examine how many of your fantasies of this person—I know you have them—illustrate actual qualities this person has versus imagined qualities.
   
   Could you see this person actually doing what you imagine them doing or is it just wishful thinking? Do your fantasies of this person match their true character? How well do you know this person? And do you really think you’re compatible or is it just infatuation or a physical attraction you feel?
   
   As much as we INFJs love leading with emotions, if we want to move on from unrequited love, it helps to use reason.

4. Cry.

   Let’s say, for instance, that you know your crush doesn’t share your feelings. That makes you sad, right? And what do you do when you’re sad? You cry. This is natural.
   
   So, I think it’s natural and healthy to have a good cry when you realize it’s no longer worth it to hold onto feelings for another person.
   
   But don’t make a habit of it. Have a good cry or two, listen to some songs about heartbreak, then keep moving forward. This world needs what you have to offer, so you can’t spend your life crying over someone you can’t be with.

5. Accept that this person will always be a part of you.

   INFJs don’t let go the way other people do. Other people can have unrequited crushes and move on as if they never happened. But if an INFJ has invested real emotions in someone who didn’t return their love, that person becomes like a permanent scar.
   
   The pain caused by that love may heal and fade with time, but the memory of that person will always be there. It may even become a beautiful memory in time, but a permanent one nonetheless. This is part of the nature of INFJs. Remember this in your efforts to move on.

Final Thoughts

So, there you have it. Five tactics INFJs can use to let go of unrequited love. You can try one, all, or some combination of them. Or you can invent your own. Just remember, it’s never worth it to invest deep emotions in someone who doesn’t treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve.

Now it’s your turn. What suggestions do you have for INFJs who want to move on from unrequited love?

~ Ashley C.

P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!

Last updated: July 1, 2024