Differences Between Unrequited Love and No-Longer-Requited Love
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When I talk about the types of unrequited love, I don’t consider the love for a former partner to be one of them. Though there are similarities between unrequited love and what I call no-longer-requited love, there are also key differences. In this post, I talk about some of them.
7 Differences Between Unrequited Love and No-Longer-Requited Love
The Uncertainty
For both types of love, there is a level of uncertainty. But the questions you ask yourself will be different.
No-longer-requited love: You may wonder if your former partner ever really loved you. And if you’re sure they did, you may wonder why the relationship had to end and if there’s a potential for you to get back together.
Unrequited love: You may wonder how the other person feels and whether there’s a chance you’ll ever date.The Pain
Both types of love cause pain, but the source of the pain differs. (My short story “The Recital” actually involves a discussion of which kind of pain is more acute.)
No-longer-requited love: This is pain from the heartbreak after a breakup. Since you know what it feels like to be loved by this person, it’s painful to be deprived of that love.
Unrequited love: This pain is from love that isn’t returned and never has been. You don’t know what it feels like to be loved by this person, and your desire to know can become painful.The Investment of Emotions
People invest emotions into both types of love, but only one type has produced a return.
No-longer-requited love: There has been a return on the investment of emotions. You may wonder what it was all for since the relationship ended, but at least you know there was a time when you experienced reciprocal love.
Unrequited love: There has never been a return on the investment. And if there never is a return, you may wonder why you ever bothered loving this person in the first place.The Memories
Significant experiences of any kind usually result in memories, though they tend to be more substantial for no-longer-requited love.
No-longer-requited love: There are memories of a romantic relationship that can be revisited in the mind and arouse feelings of happiness and joy. While the person you love might move on before you do, you will most likely always have a place in their memories as well.
Unrequited love: There are no memories of a romantic relationship, only fantasies. While these fantasies can evoke happy feelings, you’re only too aware that nothing of consequence ever happened in real life.
And even if you’ve had interactions with this person, you may wonder whether you left any impression on them and whether they truly knew you existed.The Ending
Really, only one of these types of love can be said to have an ending.
No-longer-requited love: The story may have a sad ending, but it does at least have a more or less conclusive one. Feelings may linger and words may be left unsaid, but at least you tried to have a relationship with this person.
Unrequited love: It’s an unfinished story—the ending is unclear.The Longing
Both types of love can arouse a longing, though what is longed for differs.
No-longer-requited love: You’re longing for someone you shared a relationship with. You’re longing to be in their arms again. You’re longing for more of those pleasant times you enjoyed together.
Unrequited love: You’re longing for someone who has never returned your love. You’re longing to share pleasant moments with them, to know what it feels like for them to hold you. You’re longing for your fantasies to become real.The Potential
Both types of love involve potential, and that is one of the positives in both cases.
No-longer-requited love: There’s a potential for getting back together.
Unrequited love: There’s a potential for starting a relationship.
Final Thoughts
Among their similarities, both unrequited love and no-longer-requited love cause pain, involve longing and uncertainty, and include a measure of potential. But because the sources of these similarities are so different, I don’t think it’s fair to consider love that is no-longer-requited to be unrequited love.
The feelings are similar enough, though, that songs about the end of a relationship can describe the feelings arisen by an unrequited crush beautifully.
Even so, there’s something special about being able to go back to a time when you were with someone who returned your love or at least seemed to. For those of us still longing to find our special someone, I think it’s important to make that distinction.
Now I turn it to you. What differences do you see between unrequited love and no-longer-requited love?
~ Ashley C.
Last updated: February 17, 2024