What Do You Do When You’re Getting Mixed Signals from Your Crush?
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When you have a crush on someone, your crush might make it very obvious how they feel about you. But it’s also possible for them to give you mixed signals. For instance, you may think they see you as more than a friend because of the way you two interact or their behavior toward you or the way they talk to you. But then, when you try to ask for more than friendship from them, they pull back or leave things vague.
Why Does It Happen?
In this post, I talk about why someone might seem to like you but reject your offer to pursue a romantic relationship with them. Among other reasons for this possibility, I talk about how it could be that your crush only sees you as a friend, but they happen to be a very kind person and what you’re perceiving as romantic interest is nothing more than them being kind.
I also mention that this person might be having a head and heart conflict. They might feel in their heart that they like you, but their head is trying to convince them not to get involved.
One thing I didn’t mention in that post is that sometimes your crush might be unwilling to pursue a romantic relationship with you because they only see you as an escape. If your crush sees you as an escape from their everyday life, they might not be willing to accept your offer for romance because they don’t really want anything more from you than whatever they’re getting in the current state of your relationship.
For example, if you have a good connection to an online crush but they never seem interested in moving your relationship into the real world, it could be that they’re only using you as an escape.
In a future post, I’ll talk more about the signs to watch out for that indicate your crush sees you this way and what you can do when that happens. But for now, just know that if they’re only using you to escape their reality but they’re not actually interested in changing their reality, there’s a good chance they won’t accept your offer to be more than friends.
But whatever the reason your crush is giving you mixed signals, the question is, what should you do when this happens?
What Should You Do?
If you’ve confessed your feelings to someone and they leave things vague while continuing to give you mixed signals, my best advice would be to keep your distance. It could be that they’re unaware of their feelings for you, in which case you should give them space to become more aware. But it could also be that they’re very aware of their feelings, they just don’t feel like sharing them for some reason.
You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t or won’t share their feelings with you, especially after you’ve confessed yours. If you were willing to be so honest with them, they should be willing to be honest with you. And if you don’t think they’ll ever come clean about their feelings, this might be a crush you have to walk away from.
If you haven’t confessed to having feelings for them but you’ve asked them on a date or otherwise let them know that you’d like to become more than friends, you might just want to have an open discussion with them. You might want to ask them why they’re hesitating when you sense that they have feelings for you or when their behavior seems to show that they do.
It might be because of one the reasons I mentioned or because of something completely different. But it can be nice to just get all that out so you don’t have to wonder what’s going on.
An Example of Mixed Signals
I wrote a story called “What Happens After You Confess Your Feelings to Someone?” that touches on the mixed signals aspect of having a crush.
The main character, Chloe, is in love with a boy at her school named Mordecai. At the start of the story, she reveals that she has already confessed her feelings to him. But Mordecai has never shared how he feels about her.
This would mean they’re just friends, right? Maybe. But then, why does Mordecai seem to be so jealous when he finds out that Chloe has a new male friend?
Chloe’s parents won’t allow her to date until she becomes a senior in high school, and she’s currently a sophomore, while Mordecai is a junior. He claims he would date her if she were allowed to date. But if he liked her, wouldn’t he wait for Chloe instead of going out with girl after girl? Or wouldn’t he ask Chloe’s parents for permission to date her? Chloe thinks so, but Mordecai doesn’t agree.
This story is included in INFJ Crush Corner, a members only area of the Questions and Tisane website. It’s a refuge for INFJs who are dealing with intense crushes. If you’re an INFJ or a deep lover who’s looking for a place where you can feel all your intense crush feelings while also getting in-depth advice on how to handle them, INFJ Crush Corner is for you.
If you like, you can click here to learn more and to read an excerpt from the story I mentioned that shows the mixed signals I was talking about.
Turning It to You
So, what do you think? What does Mordecai’s jealousy say about his feelings for Chloe? And do you agree that he would date her if he liked her, by asking her parents for permission? By pondering a situation like this from an objective perspective, it can help you get a clearer idea of what you should do in your own situation.
Final Thoughts
It’s not fun to get mixed signals from your crush. If you really like someone, you probably wish they would be clear about their feelings for you. You likely wish that if they show any behavior that seems to suggest that they like you, it actually means that they like you and want to pursue a relationship with you.
But sometimes people are just being nice or using you as an escape from their reality. And sometimes they just lack the emotional maturity to be able to recognize their own feelings. So, if you’re getting mixed signals from your crush, I hope you found the advice in this post useful.
~ Ashley C.
P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!
If you've ever had a crush as an INFJ, you know how intense an experience it can be. INFJ Crush Corner is a place for INFJs to lose themselves in the intensity of INFJ crushes while also getting helpful, in-depth advice on how to deal with them. Below you'll find some of the benefits included when you join. I hope to see you there!