How Can INFJs and Other Deep Lovers Deal With Unrequited Love at Christmas?
Photo by Tijana Drndarski on Unsplash
I have spent many a Christmas dealing with an unrequited crush. As a result, I have some advice on how to stay hopeful and get through the holidays when what you really want can’t be put under the tree.
5 Tips for Dealing With a Christmas Crush
If you can, connect with your crush around the holiday.
The circumstances surrounding every unrequited crush are different. But my guess is you most likely won’t be spending Christmas with your crush. That’s ok. You can still call, text, or email each other around the holiday.
And, depending on how busy you are on Christmas Day, you might be able to connect then, too. But even if you do, try to reserve most of your Christmas Day celebration for the ones you know already love you.
The thing is, when Christmas is in the air and every Christmas movie you watch shows a couple getting together, you can’t help but yearn to be with the one you love. But since your love is unrequited, you know you can’t enjoy all the freedoms that come with being in a romantic relationship with someone. That only makes your yearning stronger.
I know all too well how essentially all your thoughts around this time will turn to this person. Actually connecting with them in some way can help you with your desire to be with them. And that should allow you to free up some mental space to be present for those you’re actually spending time with.
(If you are fortunate enough to spend the holidays with your crush, though, do what you can to make those interactions memorable. You don’t have to go so far as to confess, and I talk more about that in #4. But you can let your crush know through your words and actions that they’re special to you.)
While it’s tremendously thrilling to connect with the person who fills you with butterflies whenever you speak, it’s important to never take for granted those you don’t have to impress or pretend with—those whose feelings you don’t have to wonder about.
And that leads to…Cherish the reciprocal relationships you do enjoy.
I know there’s something very special about romantic relationships. I know few things compare to the fluttery feelings you get when you’re with your crush or when you think about them. But while you’re waiting to experience reciprocal romantic love, don’t forget about the loved ones you already have in your life.
I talk in this post about the importance of gratitude while waiting for your special someone. While gratitude is something we should be in the habit of cultivating throughout the year, it’s even more important around the holidays. That’s because we can become so consumed in thinking about all the things we want, we forget about all the things we already have.
Remember to be grateful for every one of your loved ones, from true friends to faithful family members. Cherish every moment you get to spend with them.
Hopefully someday soon you’ll be able to add your life partner to your list of cherished people—maybe it’ll even be your currently unrequited crush. But for now, remember not to take for granted any of the relationships of value you enjoy.If you can, give your crush a thoughtful gift.
This gift doesn’t have to be expensive. In fact, it’s probably better if it isn’t because that could send your crush the wrong message. The most important thing is for this gift to be thoughtful. With it, you can show your crush not only that you appreciate them but that you pay attention to them.
Say, for example, you know your crush likes to journal. You could give them a unique journal. Or maybe you know they love to cook. Why not give them a cookbook you know they’ll appreciate?
Or you can get even more creative. Make something if you think they’ll appreciate something within your ability to craft. Even if it doesn’t come out perfect, they’ll still appreciate the gesture because it came from your heart.
And every time they see this gift, they’ll think of you. So, even if you haven’t yet confessed your feelings to this person, at least they’ll know they’re special to you. And that may make them more receptive to your love confession when you find the courage to make it.
But keep in mind…If you’re ready to confess your feelings, wait until after the holiday.
If you were planning on confessing your feelings to your crush on or before Christmas, I would advise against it. Though I hope it doesn’t turn out this way, it’s possible that your crush won’t give you the response you’re hoping for. And if that happens, your Christmas will most likely be blue, even if you do get snow.
You can avoid this by holding onto your hope through Christmas and waiting until after the holiday to confess. Even if you confess on the day after Christmas, it will be better than having to go through the Christmas season and all of Christmas Day with disappointment weighing heavy on you.
Your friends and family will want you to join in their festivities, but you won’t be in the mood for it. So, do them and yourself a favor and wait to confess.
But if you sincerely feel that your crush will reciprocate or you sincerely don’t mind any outcome and you really have to get this off your chest, far be it from me to stop you. After all, if your crush does reciprocate, that will make your holiday that much more joyful.Make a playlist of hopeful love songs.
However you listen to music—whether you go old school and still buy songs and records or you prefer to stream—make a playlist filled with hopeful Christmas songs that talk about wanting love or finally finding it. You can even throw in some non-Christmas songs, too, if you want.
Whenever you’re feeling blue or your hope of finding reciprocal love is fading, listen to that playlist. And feel free to keep “All I Want for Christmas Is You” on repeat as long as you like, both the Mariah Carey and Vince Vance & The Valiants versions.
While I can’t guarantee that listening to these songs will encourage your crush think of you or make them more inclined to reciprocate your feelings, listening to those words of hope can help you remember to stay hopeful.
You probably don’t need much reminding since INFJs and other deep lovers have a natural gift for hope. But when people everywhere are hoping their wishes will be granted and you’re afraid yours might get lost in the shuffle, it’s nice to have an extra dose of hope.
Final Thoughts
Speaking of hope, my hope is that these tips help you deal with unrequited love around Christmastime if that’s the situation you find yourself in. But even more than that, I hope this is the last Christmas you have to spend dealing with unrequited love.
Hopefully this time next year, you will have found your special someone and you’ll be able to enjoy the holiday with them. And you never know—it could be the person you’re in love with right now.
Now it’s your turn. How would you advise INFJs and other deep lovers to handle unrequited love at Christmas?
To always staying hopeful,
Ashley C.
P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!
Last updated: July 1, 2024