Two Things I Learned After Leaving Religion Behind

conrado/Shutterstock.com

When I was in elementary school, I wasn’t very religious. At least, not until fifth grade, when my family and I started attending a Baptist church. Before that, while we would occasionally attend church, we weren’t regulars anywhere. But even when we started attending that Baptist church, I didn’t feel inclined to go deep into the religious teachings I was learning.

But then in middle school, my family and I began going to a Seventh-Day Adventist church. That’s when I became very religious. That’s when I went deep.

I stopped attending the Adventist Church in 2011, though. But my family and I would continue to have our own services at home for the next several years.

But then, because of a spiritual awakening I went through in 2017, I began to question my deeply held religious beliefs. I was actually in the middle of a spiritual crisis for a while, not being sure what was true or what I should believe. I would say that I’ve since pulled myself out of that crisis, but I feel like I’m still dealing with some of the side effects of being religious for so long.

After going through all that, I now consider myself spiritual, not religious. I believe in a Higher Power, but my understanding of that Power has changed.

The journey to get to this place was rough, though. I had to wrestle with all kinds of beliefs that I had been taught were true, some of them very deeply held. Not only that, but I feel like I tied my identity to being Christian and religious. So, when I was struggling with religious beliefs, it meant I was dealing with an identity crisis, too.

But it feels like something that had to happen, me becoming spiritual instead of religious. When I look back, I realize now that I should have known the mental health problems I started dealing with at the same time I was becoming more religious were an indication that something wasn’t right. And I also caught hints of something being off in journal entries I wrote back then.

But I ignored all those signs and kept going anyway. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do.

Now, even though I’m still dealing with some of those side effects I mentioned, I feel like I’m in a better place spiritually. But I learned a lot along the way to get here. And here are two of the big things I learned after leaving religion behind.

Two Things I Learned After Walking Away from Religion

1. I can’t take my beliefs for granted.

   When I was in elementary school, before I started getting deeply involved with religion, I had a beautiful relationship with my Higher Power. I didn’t feel the need to do anything or be anything in particular to please or appease that Power. I seemed to have an inner sense of knowing that just being me was enough for my Higher Power to love me.
   
   That changed when religion took a more central role in my life. In religion, I was taught that I had to do things to earn the approval of this Force. I had to believe certain things and perform certain rituals. All of a sudden, just being me wasn’t enough.
   
   I don’t think this happens to everyone who becomes religious, but for some reason my brain took the teachings I was learning and ran with them. It started inventing new rules I had to follow, and it started making it harder for me to enjoy simple pleasures, like movies and TV shows that I enjoyed.
   
   It kept making me wonder whether my Higher Power would be ok with me watching those movies and shows because of the content. And some of this stuff was for kids. But my brain’s interpretation of the religious teachings I was learning made me feel like, to be more spiritual, I had to avoid a lot of things and even give up some things. And over time, that list became longer and longer.
   
   It took me leaving religion to come to a place of understanding that the universe, another name I use to refer to my Higher Power, doesn’t judge. It’s the human mind that judges.
   
   I first learned about this concept of a non-judging Higher Power from Michael A. Singer’s book The Untethered Soul. And I’m really grateful for that new understanding because it helped me tremendously when it came to letting go of beliefs that were no longer serving me.
   
   I don’t think I was very aware of many of the beliefs I held about spirituality when I was in elementary school. I was aware of some of them, but not all. That’s one reason I think it was easier for my younger self to adopt new beliefs so quickly.
   
   I took my beliefs for granted, like that I didn’t need to do anything to please my Higher Power. If I had been aware of these kinds of beliefs, I probably would have held onto them tighter, knowing that the new beliefs I was learning weren’t helping me feel closer or more connected to that Power. In fact, the beliefs I was adopting made me feel separate from that Power.
   
   I now see myself as being connected to the universe. I believe we’re all connected to the universe. But because each of us has our own relationship with the universe, I believe we should try to practice spirituality in a way that feels right to us, not in a way that people tell us we’re supposed to do it. I go into this concept more in this post.

2. I have to fiercely protect my beliefs.

   I believe one of the reasons I was so quick to adopt new religious beliefs in middle school was because I was in the middle of all kinds of transitions. Even just transitioning from elementary school to middle school was big for me. And so, dealing with all this new left me reaching for some sort of stability in my life. And it seems I chose religion for a sense of stability.
   
   But in choosing religion, I was pushing my real self aside. I was pushing aside the beliefs I had already, beliefs that allowed me to enjoy a beautiful relationship with my Higher Power. And as I began pushing myself aside, it meant that I had to rely on others for guidance. I no longer felt I could trust myself or even my judgment—on spiritual matters and also decisions about what to do with my life.
   
   Over the years, I’ve noticed this tendency continue. If I’m not careful, I will very easily adopt other people’s beliefs, whether or not they align with what I believe to be true or beliefs that allow me to live free. Now I’m much more cautious about automatically accepting new beliefs.

Final Thoughts

If I had been just a little bit wiser when I was younger, I would have probably left religion a long time before I did. I think part of the reason I stayed so long was because my family was still going and also because I had a big crush on someone who was also Adventist. I talk about him here.

We didn’t go to the same church, though. But I would occasionally visit his church. And I have a very strong memory of a day he visited the church I was attending at the time.

Still, even though we were never more than friends, my feelings for him were strong. And I find it interesting that I stopped attending the Adventist Church the same year that I last saw him. In fact, the last time I saw him in person was that day when he was visiting.

But I think this is the big overall lesson I learned from walking away from religion: If something is working for you, keep doing it. But if something isn’t working, stop doing it and do something else.

Religion wasn’t working for me. It was causing severe mental health issues and making me live in constant fear of judgment from my Higher Power. Now that I understand that my Higher Power doesn’t judge, that means there’s no judgment to fear. I find that so much more freeing than believing I have to do certain things and perform certain rituals to earn my Higher Power’s love and avoid punishment.

My version of spirituality might not work for everyone. And that’s totally fine. I think everyone should practice spirituality in a way that feels right to them.

And because I believe it’s the human mind that judges, no one can tell you whether your version of spirituality is right or wrong. The only question you have to ask yourself is, is it working for you? If it is, great. If not, you might want to consider trying something else.

~ Ashley C.

P.S. If you’re currently in the middle of a spiritual crisis or if you would like help making the transition from being religious to being spiritual, I offer spiritual coaching services that you might be interested in. Feel free to click here to learn more.