A Word of Hope to Those Still Waiting for Love as We Enter 2022

Photo by Aliis Sinisalu on Unsplash

If you’re reading this, I’m going to assume you’re one of the many people still waiting for love as the New Year approaches.

Maybe you’ve never had a relationship before. Maybe you’ve had several but haven’t yet been able to make one work. Maybe you’ve only had one or two, but you still haven’t found the person you want to spend forever with. However you found yourself in this single state, know that you are not alone.

But because you’re single and don’t want to be, you may have trouble staying hopeful. When you look around and see how easy it seems for other people to find and keep a partner, you may start to wonder what’s wrong with you. Why can’t you make a relationship work? Why can’t you find a partner?

There may be many reasons you’re single at this time in your life. But one thing I need you to know is, there’s nothing wrong with you. We all have flaws. We all have things we want to work on. But that has never stopped anyone from entering a relationship before. So, that’s not what’s stopping you.

Maybe you’re single because you and your partner aren’t ready to meet yet. Maybe, to get to the place where you’ll be able to meld your lives together, you both have to do some changing first.

This, again, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or them. It’s just the way things are. I wouldn’t tell a butterfly there’s something wrong with it because it still hasn’t come out of its chrysalis. It’s just not time yet. Maybe it’s just not time yet for you or your partner. But when the time is right, you’ll meet.

The thing is, you don’t know when the time will be right. And in this fast-paced world of ours where delayed gratification is quickly becoming a thing of the past, it’s hard to wait. It’s hard to be patient. And maybe all this waiting has made you disillusioned about love.

Maybe you’re considering giving up on the search altogether. Maybe you no longer think there is someone in this world for you. Maybe you’ve been hurt so many times you’re afraid to try again.

All of this is understandable. I, too, have often considered giving up the search for love. But then I pause and consider how many people there are on this planet and how few of them I’ve actually met. I’m going to guess the same is true for you—that you haven’t met most of the other people on the planet. Just knowing that should give you hope.

I’m not asking you to go out and date every potential romantic partner out there. I’m just saying, don’t be so quick to give up.

Even if every relationship you’ve had up till now has failed, that doesn’t mean the next one will. Even if all your crushes up till now have been unrequited, that doesn’t mean the next one will. Even if you’ve waited months, years, or decades of your life for love, that doesn’t mean you’ll be waiting forever. In fact, you could meet your special someone tomorrow.

But if you’re walking around with your head down, sad and disillusioned about love, you may miss that person when you see them. If you’re really destined to be together, I believe you’ll meet again. And you’ll meet again and again until you both realize you’re meant to be together. But you will have wasted time you could have spent together because you were walking around in that hopeless frame of mind.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve walked around that way before. Many times. Sometimes with tears in my eyes. But I don’t think that brought me any closer to finding love. I believe you’re closer to finding love when you’re ready to meet everyone you encounter with a smile, even if it is hidden behind a mask.

If you need to, by all means have a cry every now and then when the weight of the waiting gets to be too much. Throw yourself a pity party when you feel overwhelmed by all your failed attempts at love or relationships. But when the time comes to meet new people, try to be as cheerful as you can manage.

You don’t have to skip down the street or break into song every five minutes. But at least try to make eye contact with the people you encounter. And be kind and gracious to them. Remember, one of them could be your future life partner.

And as you wait for this person to enter your life, make the most of your time spent single. Cherish your loved ones. Find a new hobby. Join a new club. Learn a new language (Parlate italiano?). Make someone else’s day.

Just focus on being the most incredible version of you that you can be. And when the time is right—probably when you least expect it—your partner will show up. They may even be in your life already, but maybe the changing you need to do will help you see them in a different light. Or maybe their changes will cause them to see you differently.

One last thing. Anna Lappe once said, “Courage is saying, ‘Maybe what I’m doing isn’t working; maybe I should try something else.’” If you’ve found that your approach to love has been unsuccessful in the past, it may be time to try a new approach.

For example, if you’re used to doing all the reaching in your relationships, try letting someone else reach out to you. Or at least let them meet you halfway. If you’re used to moving really fast, try taking things slower. If you’re used to crushing on or dating a certain type of person, try crushing on or dating someone different.

Sometimes we convince ourselves that things just are a certain way and that’s how they’ll always be. But often we have a role to play in bringing about change in our lives. Though we can’t control everything, we can control our attitude and our approach to different situations. Keep that in mind as the New Year approaches.

Wishing you love, happiness, and new beginnings in the New Year,
Ashley C.

P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!

Last updated: June 7, 2024