What Do You Do If You're Single and Don't Want to Be?

Photo by Christian Søgaard on Unsplash

If you’re single and you don’t want to be, you watch a lot of fairytales and pray that Prince Charming—or your fairytale character of choice—shows up at your door. Or at the supermarket. Or somewhere.

But if that character is having trouble finding you—I’ve heard fairytale characters can be bad with directions—there are plenty of other things you can do. Before you do any of these things, though, you have to ask yourself something. Why do you want a partner?

Reasons for Wanting a Relationship

Our society is obsessed with couples. I talk about this more in my post Why Does “Happily Ever After” Usually Start With Marriage? As a result of this obsession, the temptation is strong to want a partner simply because it seems everyone else has one or because it’s the thing to do.

I’ve sometimes wanted a partner just so I can relate more to the songs I listen to. There are so few songs out there about singles that I end up listening mostly to songs about relationships. (But songs about singles are definitely out there. One of my favorites is “How Long” by Dream.) I know that’s not the best reason to want a relationship, but that’s how strong the messaging can be sometimes.

I have since more or less come to realize that, since being in a relationship is a big deal, it should be something I want for serious reasons. And now I have serious reasons for wanting one. Take time to find your serious reasons before you decide you want a partner.

Returning to the Question

Now, if you’re single and don’t want to be—and you have a good reason for not wanting to be—I’m sure you know that wanting a relationship does not make Prince Charming materialize.

So, what do you do? Well, I’ll tell you what I do. I fantasize to my heart’s content. I imagine what my dream partner will be like. And then I imagine him differently and start a new fantasy. Imagination is an invaluable gift for single people. Make sure you take advantage of it.

I also work on improving myself—learning new skills and refining the ones I have. For example, I speak French and Spanish, so I practice speaking them and I try to learn new words when I can. And I love watching movies dubbed in these languages. That way, I learn how to talk about all sorts of topics, from stocks to superheroes.

Let me just take a moment to say how incredible the dubbing in these movies is. The voice actors who do this work don’t get nearly enough credit. But I’m always impressed by what an amazing job they do.

Do What Makes You Happy

So, if you’re single and don’t want to be, I think it’s best to stay busy and do what makes you happy. And if you don’t know what makes you happy, find it, then do it. Now is the perfect time to try new things and discover interests you never knew you had. And you never know if, while you’re pursuing what makes you happy, you’ll find your special someone along the way.

As for actively seeking love, I don’t see anything wrong with trying whatever you’re comfortable with, so long as it doesn’t hurt you or anyone else. I prefer the “wait and hope you’ll meet your partner any day now” approach myself. But that’s not to say I’ve never done anything with the sole or chief aim of finding someone. It’s just that, so far, none of those tactics have worked.

Single on Valentine’s Day

If you find yourself single this Valentine’s Day, please don’t make plans to go out where you know couples will be congregating. Instead, arrange something special with your single friends, like a night in watching movies and eating chocolate.

And if you don’t have any single friends, enjoy the movies and chocolate on your own. You deserve some “me time.” And remember that Valentine’s Day isn’t just about celebrating lovers—it’s about celebrating love. So, make sure the people you love know you love them. Preparing treats and surprises for them may be just what you need to take your mind off your single status.

Now it’s your turn. What advice do you have for people who are single and don’t want to be?

~ Ashley C.

P.S. If you’re an INFJ or someone who loves deeply and you would like tips and advice about crushes, unrequited love, and the search for a romantic partner, feel free to join “The INFJ Search for Love” newsletter!

Last updated: June 7, 2024