I’m pretty sure all INFJs could benefit from a better self-care routine. Our tendency is to give too much and forget to look after our own needs. This results in conditions like exhaustion, fatigue, and burnout.

Of course, it’s essential for INFJs to remember the basics of self-care—things like eating when we’re hungry, drinking when we’re thirsty, and sleeping when we’re tired. These might seem like obvious self-care habits, but as someone who has often overlooked them and paid the price as a result, I’ve learned not to underestimate their value.

But INFJs who want to enhance their self-care routine could also benefit from adding the following five phrases to their everyday lives.

5 Self-Care Phrases for INFJs

1. “It’s good enough” or “It’s ok if it’s not perfect.”

   I go into my experience with INFJ perfectionism more in this post, but a lot of what caused me to push myself so hard in the past was because nothing short of perfect would satisfy me. That meant I would never leave a project in a state of “fine,” “acceptable,” or “good enough.” In fact, those were foreign concepts to me. Something was either perfect or incomplete.
   
   This resulted in me doing things like depriving myself of sleep to finish an assignment to my satisfaction as opposed to just doing enough to complete it. But I would often notice the state of other people’s assignments and I could tell they didn’t spend half the time I spent on some of them, yet they earned good grades for them—sometimes even better than the ones I got.
   
   Even so, it never managed to sink in that it’s really ok if something isn’t perfect—if I just get something done and say it’s done without proofreading it 50 times. Something in me needs my work to be perfect because my work is a reflection of me.
   
   And while I’m very aware that I’m not perfect, I still feel like I want my work to be the absolute best I can make it to show that I’m trying my best to be the best version of myself. But when I stop and think about it, I realize that’s putting way too much pressure on myself. And for most things in life, this level of perfection really isn’t necessary.
   
   So, if you’re an INFJ who struggles to stop at “fine” or “good enough,” you might want to try adding those words to your vocabulary.

2. “I need a break” or “I need to rest.”

   I still find myself having to force myself to use phrases like this. When I feel tired throughout the day, my tendency is to just push through it. I grab something with sugar and continue working. This is not a healthy habit and I definitely would advise against it.
   
   When you feel like you need to rest at some point throughout the day, stop and rest if you can. Or if you can’t rest right away, do so as soon as you can.
   
   If you’re really tired after work, that’s not the time to start making dinner. That’s the time to rest. If you’re tired after a long day of classes, don’t start your homework right away. Take a break. You don’t have to nap if you don’t want to. You can just lie on your bed or the couch and close your eyes. Or you can make yourself a cup of tea (or tisane) and sit down to drink it slowly.
   
   I know that INFJs with families or busy schedules might not feel like they have the luxury to rest because there’s just too much stuff to do. But since INFJs are especially prone to burnout, we need to make sure rest is a priority.
   
   That means that if you’re too busy to rest, you need to take some activities off your schedule. And try to find ways to simplify your life. If, for instance, you’re responsible for cooking for your family, take one day to make a large batch of food that can be eaten throughout the week so you don’t have to cook every day or resort to fast food.
   
   (It’s also important for INFJs and people in general to make sure most of the food we eat is nutritious. But allowing yourself to have a not-so-healthy treat now and then is also a form of self-care.)
   
   Because it’s so hard for us INFJs to remind ourselves to take breaks throughout the day, I included a reminder to take a break in one of the texts an INFJ would love to get. This text from a loved one could do wonders for our self-care. But we can also set reminders for ourselves using our phone or even notes we place in our work area.

3. “This can wait until tomorrow.”

   It’s true that INFJs can be master procrastinators. But there are other times when we lose ourselves in a project and decide we have to finish it today, whatever the cost. We’re determined to do this even though the project isn’t due tomorrow, isn’t needed by tomorrow, and has no real reason to be done by tomorrow other than that we’ve convinced ourselves this is the case.
   
   This is one of those unreasonable expectations we tend to place on ourselves. We’ve decided that this needs to be done today and so, even though we’re already tired or worn-out, we’re going to do it today.
   
   Maybe we promised someone else we would do it today and we don’t want to disappoint them. Or maybe we promised ourselves. But in any event, we’re getting it done today. Even if it’s needed tomorrow evening and we could work on it earlier in the day, we’re still getting it done today.
   
   And very often, it’ll take longer for us to finish than we thought, especially since we’re battling exhaustion to finish it, which means we’ll go to sleep even later than we planned and deprive ourselves of much-needed rest which will leave us feeling out of it for the next few days.
   
   But, of course, that’s not going to slow us down. We’ll just keep on pushing through the exhaustion.
   
   As you can imagine, this will quickly lead to prolonged exhaustion and, eventually, burnout. So, whenever you can, remind yourself that it can wait until tomorrow.

4. “Have I had fun today?”

   We INFJs have an intense desire to be productive at all times. As a result, it can be extremely hard for us to find or make time to do things we enjoy just because we enjoy them. It could be reading a book for fun, or watching a movie, or listening to music, or going for a walk, or going ice-skating, or whatever it is we enjoy.
   
   Instead, we always want to feel like we’re learning something new, growing in some way, getting stuff done, or crossing things off our “To Do” list.
   
   Productivity has taken on new meaning in today’s hustle culture. It seems we’re always supposed to be doing something to advance our cause, improve our business, or improve our life. We INFJs already put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect and productive, so these messages only make us feel lazy and guilty if we’re not getting stuff done.
   
   This is why it’s so crucial for us INFJs to pause every day to ask ourselves, “Have I had fun today?” If the answer is no, we need to do something fun. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate—the kinds of things that require planning or coordination. (But you should definitely try to do those things once in a while, too.)
   
   But if you can just take a moment to do something that makes you laugh or feel good even though it has no obvious practical value, it will do wonders for your mood and wellbeing.

5. “No.”

   I’m going to guess or at least hope that somewhere you’ve learned how important it is for INFJs to learn how to say no. The word “no” is one of the most powerful when it comes to doing boundary work—again something essential for INFJs specifically and introverts in general. This article from Introvert, Dear discusses ways introverts can do that work.
   
   “No” means the difference between having time to relax this weekend and having to go to that event you don’t want to go to. “No” means the difference between joining another committee and having free time to do things you enjoy (see #4).
   
   “No” means the difference between living a life where your needs are met and one where they aren’t. “No” means the difference between living a life you love and one you tolerate. Never underestimate the power of “no.”

Final Thoughts

This is my list, and as I mentioned, even I’m still working on incorporating these phrases into my life. So, I don’t expect it to be easy for anyone else. But I do find that adding these phrases in really helps contribute to a better quality of life for INFJs.

Now I turn it to you. Can you add any other phrases to this list?

~ Ashley C.

Last updated: August 23, 2023