How Do You Know You’re Suppressing Your Sensuality?

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Sensuality is a natural and beautiful part of being human. But for various reasons, we can learn to suppress our sensuality or deny that we have sensual desires.

I know this has been true for me. As I discuss here, much of my life has been an inner battle between the conservative and sensual sides of me. And in the past, I used to prefer that people see me as a more conservative person who didn’t really think about things like sex. That meant I had to deny my sensual side and keep it from expressing itself freely and openly.

But the sensual side of me is actually very strong. And so, as I’ve tried to suppress it, this has led to me suppressing my true self. Now, though, I’m trying to be more open about my sensuality. Although you still probably won’t find me wearing revealing or tight-fitting clothing, I’m now sharing some of my steamy fiction publicly—under a pseudonym. And to me, it’s liberating to know that I’m actually sharing this side of myself with the world.

When we deny natural desires, like the desire for sex or sexual experiences, it means that we’re denying a part of ourselves. (Just so you know, although the meanings are different, I use the terms “sensuality” and “sexuality” and related words interchangeably.)

But you may not even know if you are suppressing your sexuality. So, if you would like to have a better understanding of whether or not you are, here are five signs that you might want to look for.

5 Signs You’re Suppressing Your Sensuality

1. You feel uncomfortable talking about sex or references to it.

   When you’re not suppressing your sensuality, you should feel comfortable talking about sex and references to sex. If you find that you tend to squirm when people talk about this subject or that you want to change the subject quickly, this could be a clue that you’re not as in touch with your sensual side as you might want to be.
   
   Now, conversations about sex can vary in intensity. So, if you’re trying to get back in touch with your sensual side, you might not want to dive headfirst into these kinds of discussions. But you might want to start off by just noticing how you feel when people talk openly about sex.
   
   If you notice yourself getting uncomfortable when people discuss this topic, try to relax when they do. Start to get more comfortable with the idea that it’s ok to discuss something this natural. As you become more comfortable just listening to these kinds of conversations, then you can work your way up to discussing this topic yourself.
   
   Of course, not every one of your conversations needs to discuss sex. But if you want to embrace your sensuality, you shouldn’t go out of your way to avoid those conversations either. (And I’m not just talking about giving the sex talk.)

2. You skip over steamy scenes in books.

   If you read books with scenes of sensuality but find that you don’t like to read those sections, that could be a sign that you’re suppressing your sensuality. You don’t like to feel those feelings of arousal in you. And so, to avoid having those feelings, you skip over those passages.
   
   I’ll admit that I don’t usually read books that have explicit scenes of sensuality. But I have tried to read books heavy on the spice. I just found that I couldn’t get into them. I found them to be way too over-the-top for me. Instead, I prefer to write my own steamy fiction. But it has taken me a long time to get comfortable with the idea that I really enjoy this type of creative writing. Part of embracing my sensuality has been coming to accept that this is a type of writing I like to do.
   
   For you, you might want to see if you can get more comfortable reading those passages instead of just skimming over them. And if you find that you don’t enjoy them, you might also try writing your own steamy fiction or expressing your sensual desires in a different way, like maybe through other art like drawing or painting. Just watch out for signs that you’re purposefully avoiding feeling those natural feelings and desires rise up in you.

3. You think you can only explore your sensuality with a partner.

   People can often associate sexuality with being intimate with another person. But since we are naturally sexual beings, it’s not a requirement that we have a partner to explore our sexual side. In this post, I offer single women three tips on how they can explore their sensuality without a partner. One of those tips is to simply ask yourself what sensuality means to you.
   
   If you truly believe that you can only explore your sexual side with another person, I consider that a limited view of sexuality. And it’s a sign that you’re not allowing your sensual side free expression. Of course, it’s your choice how you want to view sensuality. But if you want to be more open to exploring this side of yourself, you might want to expand your concept of sensuality.
   
   For instance, your sensual side can come out in the way you dress, in the conversations you’re willing to have, or in the fantasies you choose to imagine. Your definition of sensuality should be one that allows you to be your most authentic self, and that means you accept that you have sensual desires whether or not you have a partner.

4. You feel guilty exploring your sensuality on your own.

   This is related to #3. I don’t know about you, but growing up I don’t remember anyone really encouraging others to explore their sensuality without a partner—or even outside marriage. But one thing that can happen is, when you don’t have a partner and you try to do this exploration on your own, you can start to feel guilty. You can start to feel like you’re doing something wrong because this isn’t the kind of thing you really hear about or see in movies or read in books.
   
   But who decided it was wrong? Anyone who told you it was wrong was only giving you their opinion based on their own beliefs. And if the idea that it’s wrong was something you inferred because you weren’t exposed to more expanded views of sexuality, you can change your mind about that anytime you like.
   
   You get to choose your beliefs. You get to choose what you consider right and wrong. So, if you think it’s perfectly fine to explore your sensuality on your own, then it is. And that’s really all there is to it. And if you think it’s fine, then there’s nothing to feel guilty about. But if you do find yourself feeling guilty about this, it could mean that you’re suppressing your sensuality.

5. You look for reasons to avoid embracing your sensual side.

   I give an example of this in the post I mentioned in the introduction, but here I’ll give an abridged version. I once fell in love with a celebrity who was very religious. I used to be very religious, too. And because spirituality is so important to me, I tend to be drawn to people with spiritual beliefs that are similar to mine.
   
   To make a long story short, my love for this celebrity led me to destroy some of my own creative works—works that were sensual in nature and that I didn’t think he would approve of. (We never met, but I didn’t want those manuscripts lying around in case he miraculously showed up one day.)
   
   It seems that the conservative side of me wanted me to reach for this celebrity because it gave me an excuse to continue suppressing the sensual side of me. Now that I consider myself spiritual, not religious, I find that I’m much freer to explore and embrace my sensuality.
   
   Maybe you’re also looking for reasons to avoid embracing your sexual desires. For example, maybe you—consciously or unconsciously—choose relationships with people who don’t allow you to explore your sensuality or express it freely. If so, this could be a sign that you’re denying it.

Final Thoughts

Sensuality is something to be embraced. It’s not something to be ashamed of, to feel guilty about, or to hide or suppress. While the degree to which people express their sensual side may differ, I think the most important thing is to acknowledge that that side is there and to find the way of expressing it that feels most natural to you.

If you’re unsure whether you are suppressing your sensuality, I hope these five signs helped to give you an idea of what to look for. And if you find that you have been suppressing it, you’re free to stop anytime you like.

Just go slow, like maybe coming to a new understanding of what sensuality means to you or not quickly changing the conversation when it turns to sex. And as you become more comfortable with this side of you, you’ll start to learn how that side likes to be expressed. And allowing it full expression will, in turn, allow you to be truer to who you really are.

~ Ashley C.

P.S. Something that can lead people to suppress their sensuality are the things they’ve been taught about what it means to be sensual. And some of those teachings can come from religion.

One thing that has helped me embrace my sensuality has been switching from being religious to being spiritual. If you’re currently religious but would like to make the transition from religious to spiritual, I offer spiritual coaching services that you might be interested in. Feel free to click here to learn more.