I Won’t Tell You No One’s Coming to Save You, But I Might Ask This Question

 

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As someone who’s on the sensitive side of the emotional spectrum, I find it harsh when I hear someone say, “No one’s coming to save you.” I understand that what they’re doing is trying to encourage people to change their own situation rather than waiting around for someone else to do it for them. But while some people might be encouraged by hearing this, I think others might be taken aback.

And some people may be so convinced that someone is coming to rescue them that hearing this might actually have the opposite of the intended effect. Instead of being encouraged to take control of their life, they may end up holding even more strongly to the notion that someone is coming. So, if the goal is to get them out of this mindset, I think a softer approach would be preferable.

What Would I Say Instead?

Instead of telling someone, “No one is coming to save you,” I would try asking them this question: “What’s stopping you from saving yourself?”

Because the thing is, telling someone bluntly that no one is coming is a way of claiming to know the future. The way I see it, I don’t know if someone will eventually come to save you. But I can ask why you can’t save yourself. And I personally prefer this gentler approach.

When you hear this question, you’re forced to grapple with what’s really stopping you. It will probably be a list of fears and limiting beliefs that are keeping you from fulfilling your potential. Only when these fears and beliefs are surfaced can real progress be made.

Say, for instance, you tell me that you can’t get out of your situation because you don’t have the right connections. After hearing that, I could ask this follow-up question: “What’s stopping you from making those connections?” If you don’t know, it might be because you’ve never really tried.

Or say that you think you don’t have the time or the skill or the money or the resources to change your situation. Again, I could ask follow-up questions like, “Can you get started with what you have now?” and “How can you make more time or get the skills/money/resources necessary to move forward?”

When someone is waiting for someone to come rescue them, it’s ultimately because they’ve come to accept on some level that they’re actually incapable of making the changes necessary to move their life forward. Maybe they’ve even tried before and the lack of success they had convinced them that all they could do was wait for someone else.

If this belief is rooted deeply enough, simply telling someone that no one is coming might not be very helpful. But helping them understand that they do have what it takes to change their life might be.

How Believing You Need Someone to Save You Can Be Harmful

Again, while I won’t tell you no one’s coming to save you, I do have to mention that believing you need someone to save you is a very unhelpful belief when it comes to moving forward. And here are four reasons why it is.

4 Reasons Believing You Need Someone to Save You Can Derail Your Efforts to Make Progress

  1. It can keep you from doing the work necessary to change your situation.

    If you believe that someone is coming to rescue you, you may not see a need to do anything required to change your situation for yourself. You won’t read books that can offer helpful advice you could use to make positive changes. You won’t take courses on those same topics. You won’t attend seminars. You may not even set goals for yourself that will require you to do this kind of learning.

    You don’t need to do any of these things if you believe someone is coming to rescue you. And so you don’t. And your situation doesn’t change. And then you may start to wonder why. And if you take an honest look at the situation, you’ll realize it’s because you believe deep down that someone else is going to fix everything for you.

  2. It can prevent you from committing to changing your situation.

    Even if you start doing the work necessary to change your situation, having this belief in the back of your mind can keep you from fully committing to making the changes necessary to see real change.

    Maybe you have read some books or attended a seminar or two. But you’re not putting what you’re learning into practice. You’re not actually implementing any real changes. You’re just acquiring the knowledge but not taking the actions necessary to see real change.

    Again, this belief in the back of your mind is keeping you from committing because you think, at least subconsciously, “I don’t really need to do any of these things because someone is coming to save me. But I’ll just keep learning to pass the time while I wait.” It’s only when you believe that it’s on you to save yourself that you’re able to fully commit to taking the actions necessary to see real change in your life.

  3. It can create a sense of helplessness.

    Feeling helpless is very disempowering. It gives you the notion that you have absolutely no control over your own life. All you can do is wait for someone to come and make things better.

    While it’s true that there are many things in life that you can’t control, there are some things that you can control. You can set goals for yourself. You can control the efforts you make to learn what you need to, to accomplish those goals. You can control the actions you take to change your situation. You can decide to feed your mind positive affirmations that reinforce the new identity you’re trying to establish—one where you don’t need anyone to save you.

    You can do all of these things. But if you believe someone else is coming to save you, you probably won’t. And that can leave you feeling helpless.

  4. It can keep you from growing.

    If you’re trying to make major changes in your life, you’re going to have to do some growing. The thing about growth is that it’s uncomfortable, which is one reason people may avoid it if they can. But as has often been said, growth only happens outside your comfort zone.

    You actually have to make yourself uncomfortable in order to grow. You have to learn to operate using beliefs that are new and unfamiliar to you, beliefs like, “I’m smart enough to learn anything I set my mind to,” “I can get started with the skills I have now and learn any skills I need along the way,” and “I’m capable of changing my situation for the better.”

    But if you think someone is coming to save you, you may say to yourself, “I don’t need to make myself uncomfortable. Someone else is coming to make everything better.” And so you stay in your comfort zone and refuse to take the risks or make the changes that would allow you to grow and improve your life.

As you can see, this one belief can seriously hinder your ability to change your situation. But rather than just trying to uproot it, you might find it more helpful to ask yourself something like, “Why can’t I save myself?”

Something Important to Keep in Mind

Something else that could happen if I were to tell you that no one is coming to save you is that you may think it’s really on you to do everything to save yourself. But the thing is, on this journey to changing your life, you can ask for help. You don’t have to do it all alone.

You can find mentors, watch videos, read books, work with coaches, and do whatever else you need to, to start making the changes necessary to make progress. This is, again, where asking the question, “What’s stopping you from saving yourself?” can be helpful. This question and follow-up questions can encourage you to think about how you can find the help you need to start changing your situation.

Remember, you don’t have to do it alone. You just need to know that you have the power to find the people and the resources that can help you, rather than waiting for someone else to provide you with everything you need.

And if you are feeling stuck in life and would like some help figuring out how to move forward, I’m offering life coaching services to help you find the clarity you need to do just that. If you’re interested, simply click here to learn more.

Final Thoughts

Some people might feel propelled to take action in their life after being told no one else is going to change things for them. But I think this statement can come across as harsh to some people, particularly those who have this belief deeply ingrained in them and those who are more sensitive in nature. (For the record, I consider sensitivity a strength to be embraced.)

Those people might be open to hearing a softer version of this concept, though, by simply being asked why they have to wait at all. Being told no one is coming might actually cause some of them to hold even tighter to the belief that someone is coming. But asking why they can’t save themselves will allow them to assess what’s really stopping them and figure out how they can finally start changing their situation for the better.

~ Ashley C.