How Can I Regain Control of My Mind?

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Based on my own experiences with mental health issues, and after reading Michael A. Singer’s book The Untethered Soul, I’ve come to realize that many mental health problems result from listening too closely to the passive voice in your head and taking its messages too literally. (I’ll talk more about what I mean by the “passive voice” below.) This is essentially the root of anxiety, for instance.

When you hear thoughts in your mind that tell you to worry or be afraid, you don’t have to listen. It’s the listening that causes the distress. This is one of the main messages in The Untethered Soul.

This is why some people find meditation practices helpful. Through meditation, people can learn to hear that voice in their head and let its messages pass by without reacting. The problem is that sometimes, like when dealing with particularly bothersome or intrusive thoughts, this isn’t the easiest thing to do. I personally haven’t found traditional meditation to be very helpful for me, although I can understand how it can be beneficial for others.

Let me be clear that I’m not a mental health expert or professional. But I’ve had my struggles with mental health. And I just wanted to share with you what I believe are the keys to regaining control of your mind when you find that things have gotten a little out of control up there.

4 Ways to Regain Control of Your Mind

1. Remember what your mind is trying to do.

   The main goal of your mind is not to push you out of your comfort zone, cheer you on, or help you become the best version of yourself. The main goal of your mind is to keep you safe.
   
   It wants to protect you from perceived danger, which means it usually encourages you to avoid anything it perceives as dangerous, even if it’s something completely harmless or something that would allow you to grow or move forward. If the mind says something is dangerous and you avoid it as a result, you’re giving your mind control. And the more control you allow your mind to have, the less control you have over your own life.
   
   This is why it can be so hard to venture outside your comfort zone. The mind is trying to convince you that it’s not safe there, so you should just stay where you know it’s safe. To regain control of your mind, you have to be able to ignore it when it’s trying to tell you to avoid things that are harmless, helpful, or necessary for your personal growth.

2. Don’t take the mind’s messages literally.

   When left unattended, the mind can do some interesting things. For instance, it can come up with all sorts of things for you to worry about and be afraid of even when the rational part of your mind tells you that you don’t need to worry about these things or be afraid of them.
   
   (It’s also possible that you don’t often consult the rational part of your mind and too often find yourself pulled into the dramas your mind creates.)
   
   Although I could just be angry at my mind for doing this since hearing all the stuff it says can be very distracting, in therapy I learned to see this as the mind being creative. It’s finding creative ways to protect me, and I should actually be grateful to it for working so hard. But at the same time, I do have to recognize that I don’t need to pay attention to all the random stuff it says.
   
   Instead, I learned it’s more useful to ask yourself, why is your mind working so hard to protect you? And at that point you’ll realize it’s probably trying to get your attention, alerting you to something that’s wrong and a problem that needs addressing or a change that needs to be made.
   
   From Brianna Wiest’s brilliant book The Mountain Is You, I learned that you can’t take the mind’s craziness at face value. You have to look at what’s behind all the anxiety it’s creating to figure out what the real problem is.
   
   Part of regaining control of the mind is being able to look past what it’s literally saying to uncover what it’s actually saying so you know what action to take to calm it down. Understanding that the mind is speaking to you in a kind of code will help to remind you not to take its obvious meaning literally but to instead look for what it’s really trying to tell you.

3. Learn to distinguish between the active and the passive voice in the mind.

   This isn’t something I’ve ever heard anyone make reference to before. But I find it helpful to distinguish between the active and passive voice in the mind.
   
   In school, you may have learned that you can write in the active and passive voice. (“She looked at the tree” is an example of the active voice, while “The tree was looked at by her” is passive voice.) Like with writing, you can make a distinction between the active and passive voice you hear in your head.
   
   You can just passively listen to the random stuff your mind comes up with on its own or you can use it to actively tell yourself what you want to hear. Too often we just let the mind tell us whatever it wants to. And unlike in meditation where we let the thoughts just pass, we tune in and take what it says literally. This causes us to worry unnecessarily, develop irrational fears, and have a very limited and sometimes negative view of ourselves and the world. All of this is the passive voice talking.
   
   Instead, I find it much more helpful to use the voice in your head to tell yourself things that make you feel powerful. This is what I refer to as the active voice. You’re using it when you actively use your mind to tell yourself things that remind you how powerful you are, rather than letting it passively tell you how small you are. This kind of practice is necessary to reprogram your subconscious mind, which is the only way to create lasting change in your life if that’s something you want to do.
   
   You also use the active voice when you’re viewing a situation rationally rather than letting yourself get caught up in your mind’s nonsensical explanations for things, explanations the passive voice would give. And just as the active voice is the one preferred in writing, the active voice is also the one I find most useful when trying to regain control of your mind.

4. Remember that what works for others might not work for you.

   I mentioned above that I haven’t found traditional meditation to be very effective in helping me regain control of my mind. But I know that many people find it beneficial. Those people should absolutely continue to meditate.
   
   If you ever find something that works for you, you should continue to do it. But don’t feel like something is wrong with you if what works for others doesn’t work for you. If you give something a real try and find that it doesn’t work, don’t think you’re doing it wrong or that you need to do it for longer or try harder or anything like that. Just try something else and keep trying until you find something that works.
   
   For me, for instance, when I hear bothersome thoughts in my head, it can be a huge challenge to just let them pass. Instead, I prefer to use the active voice in my mind to remind myself of what I actually believe (see #3).
   
   Sometimes, if the thoughts aren’t particularly bothersome to me but are just rambling or ranting or saying nonsense, I can just observe them and then let them pass. But other times, I prefer to use my active voice to redirect my mind where I want it to go.
   
   I also find this method to be helpful when it comes to identifying problems in your life that may be manifesting through your mind. As I mentioned in #2, I don’t think you should take the mind’s messages so literally, especially if you struggle with anxiety or other mental health issues. But if certain thoughts are particularly bothersome to you, it might be beneficial to ask yourself why. Why are those thoughts bothering you so much?
   
   I don’t think the best course of action would be to just let those thoughts pass. Instead, they might be alerting you about something you need to change in your life. But to understand this, you have to be willing to hear the thoughts and then look for the deeper meaning behind them.

What to Take Away

I’ve been my own mental health journey, and what I’ve just shared are some of the things I’ve discovered along the way. If you struggle with anxiety, bothersome or intrusive thoughts, or other mental health issues, I hope this advice helps.

But if you do find that you need additional help in the form of counseling or therapy, please don’t hesitate to contact a qualified professional. Remember, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

~ Ashley C.

Note: The advice presented here is for informational purposes only. If you’re in need of professional therapy or counseling, please see a qualified professional.